Defense Mechanism

Hi guys so I just came back from a trip. I went to Maine. It was beautiful and peaceful; it was exactly the break I needed from my fast paced life of being bored at work and rushing home to watch Netflix. The struggle is real right?

Picky Eater has been amazing, texting me every day and trying his very hardest for me to become attached. Like who texts good morning every morning without fail? Weirdos that’s who. OMG I’m kidding, I love it.

What’s happening right now is that I am stopping myself from falling in love. My constant angst and rants to my good friend who works with me (who sadly has to listen to my word diarrhea daily; sorry girl.) is about how when he doesn’t talk to me for 2-3 hours, I feel like he might ghost me. I’m like constantly reassuring myself that if he walks away from this relationship right now, I need to be prepared and not totally be shattered. It’s been like a month and I am already so invested in this relationship. I am not pressuring him for a title or anything; I’m just going with the flow and trying to be totally nonchalant.

He has no idea how crazy I am because us girls know that we have to keep the crazy in until he puts a ring on it… right? That’s what I have heard anyway as I am nowhere close to marriage (crying emoji).

So to stop myself from falling I am literally as we speak constructing the Great Wall of China around my heart. I am not going to let him all the way in until I feel comfortable. This is my defense mechanism. I need to not feel so on edge and honestly I wouldn’t be if I wasn’t so messed up from other heart breaks. It’s not fair to him, but I have to do this for my own sake. He thinks I’m falling in love with him, which is absolutely accurate but I gotta put some brakes on that.

So the big question here on everyone’s minds is did we have sex? The answer to that is none of your business really but yes we did; which totally doesn’t help my serious attachment issues. Yes it was pleasurable.

Pleasurable Sex + Super Romantic Guy = God Help Me.

Being Single is hard when you are dating someone, sheesh.

Golden Rule: Don’t let him into your heart until you are ready, keep those defenses up.

Tips For Guys: Good morning texts are the way to a girl’s heart.

Defense

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Free Fall

Why am I so apprehensive about love? I keep thinking the worse thing is going to happen or that I will never find love. I keep thinking that I don’t want to get hurt thus I should put up a wall hiding my real feelings. But shouldn’t love be a free fall? Do we free fall if we don’t allow ourselves to?

I am currently in Maine with my sister and her brilliant marriage. I mean everything might not be perfect but her husband loves her. So of course I immediately go to that place where I am wondering if I will ever find love.

Also not necessarily complaining but it’s halloween party weekend and I didn’t really get to go anywhere because I was in Maine. Like even Picky Eater went to a party and I had to just watch him go off in a cute costume. No doubt he will be eyed by many female party goers, but you know cool cool cool cool cool.

The point of this post was that I need to let myself free fall into love and not be afraid to feel what I am feeling. Also I seriously adore Picky Eater, it like hurts how much.  Anyway no golden rule or tips for guys this week just a quick check in. Don’t be afraid to to Free Fall.

The Disappearing Act

Hey Ladies, I just wanted to keep you adrift on my newest single annoyance. I happen to be going on a trip next week. Yup leaving good ole Canada for a few days, trust me I need the vacation.  Picky Eater has decided that there was no need to see me this weekend before my trip so that sucked. Also he disappears on me for hours at a time. Now I know what you are thinking… “He has stuff to do!” Yeah and I get it, he most definitely is a busy person. When he stops messaging me from 7 pm on a Saturday night though, that arouses some concern from me.

He doesn’t really tell me when he is about to go missing he just does. I have no idea when he is going to resurface and it drives me insane. Like I know we are exclusively dating and all that but we are supposed to be building trust and that shit scares me.  I hate it when guys disappear on you because they could literally be doing anything. Also, as a girl your mind just automatically goes to the worst places. Like my go to place is he was out axe throwing and he mis-stepped. The axe then flew through a glass and he is about to get charged by cops for  Vandalism or another common one is you know, he’s cheating on me. My mind works in mysterious ways lol.

One of my friends once told me that she only talked to guys because they made her feel good. They gave her encouragement, or they were fun or just some kind of positive benefit. She said as soon as that stopped, she lost interest. As soon as they started to make her more unhappy than happy she got the hell out of there. I am like the opposite of that, I hold on to relationships, even when I see the Iceberg coming. I try to make everything work. I’m the girl who had a fling with Booty Call for like year, thinking eventually things would change. It’s been a year and literally nothing has changed. He looked me in the eye once and told me that he doesn’t want the things that I want and I still stuck around.  When I told him I was going to officially start dating someone else all he said was “Ummmm Alright” which basically sums up our relationship.

For Picky Eater, I am literally walking on egg shells. I don’t want to fall for him because he already has these bad habits and I’m going to be constantly wondering where he is or what he’s doing. This really sucks because I already really like him.  Sometimes I feel like I am asking too much because so far no guy that I have dated is able to successfully communicate with me. Like this is the beginning of our relationship, at least make me trust you and think you care about me.

My thought is, if you really cared I wouldn’t even have to tell you to do this stuff. You’d just want to do it. Am I right, or am I right?

Golden Rule: Once they stop making you happy, get out of there.

Tips for dudes: Don’t disappear on us, it dilutes our trust for you.

Falling In Love On 5 Texts A Day

Hey guys just had some insights I would like to share.  This week Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas got engaged. Yes Joe Man Whore Jonas and Lady Sansa Stark are lucky enough to find the sanctity of love but still not I. They have been together only for one year and Joe made his decision. It’s like when you know, you know, you know?

I am currently online dating as you all know and I have found a guy that actually attempts to speak with me every day and it’s kind of nice. It’s just that with all the moving parts in our lives, it’s hard to like really get to know each other.  Some days our texts are few and far between and all I want to do is get to know him. I want to get to know him and hopefully eventually fall in love. Isn’t that what we all want? He tries though and I commend him for that.

I know lots of guys who don’t even try.  Let’s make a pact; the next time some guy who claims he cares about you, doesn’t text you for two weeks; promise me you won’t text him either. Now this is the important part; when he does text you, which we know he will. Tell him you were in a terrible row boat accident and literally no longer have any legs. Why would we say such a horrible thing? Because it’s a complete possibility and he would know it wasn’t true if he gave a shit about your life and actually inquired about it once in a while.

Anyway I digress. This is the age of online dating where showing a girl attention is how you get to her heart. I don’t only want attention though, I want commitment.  I want old school falling in love. I want that “I want to see you all the time” feeling. I have that feeling not sure about Picky Eater though. I also want us to spend so much time together that we naturally get to know each other. However times are a changing and the only way to get to know someone now is by playing an endless game of 21 questions. It should be called Infinity Questions (Patent Pending).

This is our new societal norm and I guess we just have to go with it. Way Back in the day to court someone you would have to go over to their house with their parents for afternoon tea lol. Then in the 60’s it was hanging out in diners until you both got fat. I need to accept that dating changes; but my fear now is just wondering if the act of falling in love has changed too.

Being single is hard when you are trying to fall in love in the age of technology.

I do want to say though that Picky Eater is super romantic, and if I were to fall in love with someone, I think he is on the right track. Our third date was amazing, but that’s for another Blog Post lol.

Golden Rule: Adjust to the times.

Tips For Guys: Times are changing but getting to know a girl, is getting to know how special she is. Spend some time with her and I promise it will be worth it.

 

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Thanksgiving Blues

Thanksgiving is upon us. Yes it is Canadian Thanksgiving friends. Yes I’m Canadian lol. I thought this year would be another year of “why aren’t you married? fest 2017”. This year however was reasonably tame. My brother made one single joke of which the punchline was that people who are single are losers, so that was fun. Another huge deal was that I lost for the very first time at Taboo. I know, ridiculous! I just had a bad team setup and there was some drinking and cheating but thats another story for another time.

So its long weekend and I totally want to hang out and have fun with friends. What hinders that you may ask? When all your friends are in relationships and you being the single loser can’t really find anyone to hang out with.  These are the instances when you can’t be mad at your friends but cant help feeling like the single loser in the group. This is probably one of the hardest things about being single; Being Single through the Holidays.

I sat on my bed and tried to find someone to hang out with but there was absolutely no one. You can have tons of friends and family and still feel completely alone. These are the times when it hits you; how you don’t have anyone to share your life with, while everyone else is off sharing theirs. Picky Eater is off being a father; which is great and I am not even allowed to complain because of that fact. I get like two text messages a day but everyone around me says that it’s okay because he has children. Not sure how you get to know someone with two text messages a day. Not sure why he went on Tinder and was apparently trying to find a relationship if he absolutely has no time for it. Not sure why Christopher Robin from Winnie the Pooh isn’t labelled a crazy kid for having full blown conversations with inanimate stuffed animals. Lots of unanswered questions out there, we just have to keep pondering them.

I even texted Booty Call, and yes I still see him from time to time because I am single and allowed to do that. I am not in any one defined relationship.

Thus my conundrum of feeling lonely.

Golden Rule: Have different circles of friends because once they are busy with their BFs, that’s when you really feel single.

Tips For Guys: Be cool and hang out with me every time I ask jeez. lol

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The Wrong Girl

Why can’t I be the girl that guys fall in love with? Why aren’t I the one they want to lock down because they are afraid of losing me? Am I the only one wondering, what makes someone … the one? I have gone through “Hunting Caps, Booty Calls and guys that dump me two days before Christmas and I realized that for these gentlemen I was literally nothing special.

I think I’m funny, independent, not hideous, but what are guy’s standards? Extremely beautiful with no humor or intelligence? Bingo! I think that’s it.  Hunting Cap never had time for me; Booty Call wants to see me twice a year if that many times;  guy that dumped me before Christmas… doesn’t even remember that I exist. How do I know? Because I stalk his life duh. (See “Am I A Stalker?” to catch up) How do I deal with this over whelming feeling that I’m only making mistakes and they are all just a waste of time?

Picky Eater is a great guy… but I am getting the “I’m too busy for you vibe”. I already got the “Not sure when we can hang out again line”. It’s been 2 and a half weeks. I mean can’t men multitask?

I somehow manage to own a house and a car. Go to work every day and take care of family and friends shit; and believe me, those are a lot of responsibilities. Somehow through it all, I try to carve out time to have fun with the special gentlemen in my life. Doesn’t even have to be major, as long as I get to see them.

This just sucks because I really adore Picky Eater; he took me to the drive in Movie Theater over the weekend. I know cute right? Then he opened his sun roof so that I could see the stars. Just when I thought romance was dead lol. (See; “Romance is Dead… Time for a Sugar Daddy?)

I don’t want to give up hope on Picky Eater, but he just started a new job that is quite important to him and he hasn’t given us a label or anything. So I’m just out here in this dating Limbo. This place of “are we dating or are we not?”.

Literally everyone says, “When you stop looking, you’ll find it”. Let’s see if that’s true. I am attempting to just have a male hiatus for the holiday season. Last Christmas I got my heart broken wicked bad and was a zombie for the most part. I really don’t want that to happen again. I’m a scarred girl in this rough dating world. That rhymed… I should write poetry, no?

Being Single is Hard, when I keep being the wrong girl for these guys.

Golden Rule: Guys cannot multitask.

Tips for Guys: Learn to multitask, Jeez

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Picky Eater

So ladies I went on my first Tinder date and I am just here to report that it was a success. The first non-creep I have been on a date with in a long time. Let’s just start off with exclaiming how cute he is; like he was cute on the site but even more adorable in real life. I know, I know! It’s usually the opposite right? I lucked out with this one.   It’s usually a cute 20 something dude on the site but then a non-well-groomed 40 something dude that shows up to the date. No that never happened to you before? Oh okay then me either. Let’s just move on.

We went out for some dinner at a local sports bar. Nothing too fancy, I am trying to keep it super chill. As you know, I am looking for true love and would usually have our children named by dessert. But not this time, you guys would have been so proud of me. (I still have two of our children secretly named).  Let’s call him Picky Eater because that’s what he is. To be fair he is on a major health kick which I thought would be a problem for me. My favorite meal in the world is bacon covered with bacon bits, so yeah the opposite of a healthy eater. I am currently in the process of working on that though. Anyway he ordered a salad with dressing on the side. Like way to make me feel fat lol. Just kidding, I respected his dedication to his diet as I ordered crispy delicious Calamari.

He also hates seafood…. I know what a weirdo. Also kidding, I adore him lol.

We talked and laughed and vibed. At the end of the night we talked a bit more in his car. So as you all know from my plethora of dating mistakes. When I go into cars with guys, I never leave the same if you know what I mean. (wink, wink) But not this time. We actually just talked and he never once tried to make a move. This drove me crazy of course because he was so cute. By the end of the night I realized I would have to make the first move.

So me being the elegant enchantress I am leaned over before we said goodbye and kissed him. It was magical. He wasn’t over bearing or held back, it was the perfect kiss. It was so perfect that I drove home in a daze. I probably should have Ubered. Oh did I mention he walked me to my car and opened my door. I know right?! I met this guy on Tinder.

Sounds too good to be true? Well there is a slight caveat. How do I say this?… I guess I will just say it. He has hook for arms. Nah just kidding. He has children.  Yes he is a father and no he isn’t a hundred years old. He is pretty young. He has two children that he adores and they are quite adorable. And yes he told me this before we went on our date. He was just so nice and polite that it simply didn’t matter.

What do you guys think? Am I making a good decision here?

Let’s keep in mind; it’s only been one date. I am just going with the flow with this one.

Golden Rule: On a first date wear something slutty enough so that you don’t have to make the first move. I wore a backless romper but it didn’t do the trick.

Tips for guys: I actually have none, I found a guy that made me believe that decent guys aren’t extinct or kidnapped by aliens.

Life After Plenty Of Fish

Hi Ladies, needless to say I am having a rough time looking for Mr. Right. I am literally wondering if this is ever going to happen. I am about to erase getting  married from my vision board. I’m kidding its staying on there, right under owning a bullet proof 2021 range rover. I know, so classy right?

Lets get to it; I have decided to leave my favorite dating site “Plenty of Fish” behind. All the guys that I have discussed in my blog were from that site and honestly they were all disasters. I have decided to move on to way more sophisticated sites such as Tinder and Bumble lol. Please don’t roll your eyes because I have a friend who said two of her friends found their life partners on Tinder. I know it’s a long  shot but I am trying to keep all my options open.

So we are about to start the magical journey of Tinder and Bumble.

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Romance is Dead… Time for a Sugar Daddy?

I am just wondering if every guy that ever wanted a relationship and wanted to start a family was rounded up and kidnapped by aliens. The aliens then felt bad and replaced the guys they took with disrespectful, unkempt, unromantic dudes who think they can speak to women however they want with no consequences.  Like were you raised by wolves… or never saw love in your childhood and thus have no idea how to give it. Scrap love, we don’t even get close to that because dudes can’t get past the like phase.

So guyss right now ages 21-40 just want to have endless one night stands until the end of time? What happened to settling down? What happened to romance? What happened to just being monogamist.  Am I the last normal person on all the online dating sites? If our parents behaved like this, would any of us be here? (food for thought)

My rant is sparked by a recent conversation with a potential love interest. I honestly thought this dude was normal. I mean he is a gym teacher for heaven sakes and has countless pics on Instagram with his mum. It’s honestly always the guys with pics of their mums.

This guy literally texted me just to brag that he had sex with another girl. My thing was like… how is this relevant to me and why are you telling me this. It doesn’t hurt because I barely know this guy but I did think it was awfully rude and uncalled for. I still don’t get what the point of telling me this was.

What do guys want? They don’t want a girl who has  her stuff together who is at least a 6 I would say. Lol. Would they rather date a drama queen that works at Walmart?  Do guys just think in general  that all girls are not good enough for them and also replaceable. YUP!

Let’s call it a night on online dating shall we?  Am I going to have to pay for like match.com or something?  I’m too broke to pay for that lol. Should I date some 94 year old sugar daddy and hope that he writes me into his will?

My mom keeps telling me to marry for love, to find the one person I’m meant to be with. Whatever mom, you don’t get these weird messages online like I do.

Please see below the evidence that romance is indeed dead.

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Golden Rule:  Be a better judge of character, when you cant trust a high school gym teacher things are bleek.

Tips For Guys: Please prove me wrong, I’m praying there are still dudes out there that can value a good girl.

Dazed and Confused

Dilemmas are always afoot in my life. Isn’t it hard when you are trying to make a decision but you still won’t get what you want? I want a relationship but it seems that the person I want it with isn’t feasible. He doesn’t want a relationship… ARGH! It’s weird when you think you have something special with someone and no one else does, including the other person. This sucks so badly.

I got comfortable. We know each other; we know what each other’s flaws and weaknesses are. Like it sucks so much now that I have to find someone who wants what I want when I don’t want to.  Are you following this? Am I not a whiney baby? lol

Can I just stop looking? Online dating is exhausting isn’t it? I think by the end of all my mental scholastics I am going to end up alone.

Why do we always want things we can’t have with someone who doesn’t think you are good enough for them.  As the famous and renowned jewel or our generation Selena Gomez once sang… “The Heart Wants What It Wants”

Please see Selena’s almost teary eyed pic below. That girl can cry on demand like nobody’s business. I love her!

Golden Rule: Whaaaaaaa!

Tips For Guys: When a good girl wants you; let her have you!

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