What are you looking for?

These are the 5 worst words to utter while online dating. As soon as you ask this question, the conversation either gets really weird or stops immediately. Man have I gotten some weird answers. I’ll have some great examples listed below.

I’ve also started dating someone y’all! I know me. We have been on like 4 dates and it’s going okay. It’s not anything spectacular and he is nothing like anyone I have ever dated. He has tats everywhere and a tongue piercing. Yup I said tongue piercing lol. I’ll let you know what thats all about in another post. I’m trying to feel him out to see if I actually like him. Let’s call him “Tongue Ring”.

Golden Rule: Date a guy with a tongue ring, things get interesting.

Tips For Guys: Date a girl with a tongue ring, everyone needs to have this experience.


Really Specific Things I Learned From Dating

  1. Never date someone with one profile picture. Like your other angles can’t be that bad.
  2. Never date a guy if J is the first letter of his name. Just don’t okay. Trust me.
  3. Never date a guy still in-love with his ex-girlfriend. Get all the details before going forward. Where she lives…is she close..is she prettier than you? (the basics lol)
  4. Never date a guy who constantly talks about other women being attractive right in front of you. Rude much!
  5. Never date a guy who has looked you in the eye and told you he will never commit. That one is self explanatory.
  6. Never date a guy whose name begins with a J, has two children and had his ex fiance cheat on him. They’re crazy.
  7. Never date a guy with a lower IQ than you. You really need to be able to have a conversation.
  8. Never date a guy who brings up sex after two hours of texting. Not Cool.
  9. Never date a guy who refers to a human woman as not a top priority. Does your boys or weed have sex with you? I think not!
  10. Never date a guy who refers to his car as “The Whip”. It’s just annoying.

Golden Rule: Read these rules and live by them. 

Tips for Dudes: The more horrible you are, the more we learn what we don’t want. But try not to be horrible. 

How Many Times Can Your Heart Be Broken?

Being single is rough and if you are in the right relationship be thankful. Just a quick update on me. Nothing really going on, barely dating… haven’t really found anyone worth it.  Works good, family is you know family. So life overall is good. I’m not ignorant to the fact that life could be worse but feeling super alone in whatever circumstance sucks. What does feeling alone make you do?

It makes you reach out to your past. It makes you start caring about people again. It makes you think, that maybe this person likes you. Hey, maybe he cares about your well being. In reality though, he doesn’t. Doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result is called insanity. I have blogged about moving forward a million times but what happens when something always pull you back.

What happens when you feel connected to someone who honestly doesn’t give a shit. Its hard to shake, but I have to shake it. How many times can one person break your heart? Umm maybe like 7, I counted. How can the opinion of one person make you feel so small and discouraged? Or the lack there of an opinion in this case.

I can’t wait to be in love and married to someone who values the person I am for what I am. When looking back at this, will just be a memory and not my reality.

No Golden Rule today and no advice. I need some advice on this one, even though I know what I have to do.

Feeling Shitty but looking to the future with a slither of hope. A really tiny slither but one none the less.


Can I Legally Marry A Pizza?

The answer is yes! I do have to do some research first to figure out if it’s legal in my city but that’s totally doable. I’ve literally seen like 5 articles about people marrying inanimate objects and now I know why. Man are guys weird. Or maybe I just keep meeting the absolute worst ones.

My secret guy that I wanted to unveil all dramatic like, isn’t worth unveiling. He’s so lame, he doesn’t even get a nickname. So I’m just out here in the desert of Singledom, sorting through the dregs of humanity and the heights of stupidity. Did that sound harsh? Well it’s at least 80% true. There are no good guys left! I’ve looked lol.

Being single sucks when you honestly consider marrying a Pizza.

Also what’s with guys now a days with the “I need space” or “I’m busy” excuse. Go settle down and find someone to love you lol. The future is like this ageless place for guys where they think girls will always want to bang them. Ummmm not true!

Ladies, please check out all the really sweet messages I get on my online dating profile. Really makes a girl want to cry and never date again lol. Please see below!

Golden Rule: Look into marrying inanimate objects, they will always be with you because they can’t move.

Tips For Guys: When a girl wants to bang you, let her! You won’t be bangable forever.

On To The Next One

Hello Ladies! I haven’t posted in a while and I apologize. I have been busy, but not in a relationship busy so don’t worry. Your girl is still single and V-day is still a problem.  It’s on Wednesday! Boooo! I am wondering if I can go through that entire day and just pretend that nothing’s happening? Yeah probably not.  I have too many friends that are loved up for that one. Instagram is probably going to be a barf fest but I digress.  I need to start loving love even though I am really bad at it and it doesn’t seem to love me back.

What have I been doing you might ask? Fighting with my insurance company, which takes a lot of energy I might add. We are debating Jasmine’s fate. (My Car) Other than that , I have been whining like a baby about being single and that no one likes me. That’s takes a lot of energy too. My friend at work whom I torture with my complaints (sorry girl) literally told me that I need to stop Back tracking. She said “Leave them all behind, and just say on to the next one.” And you know what she is right. When I backtrack nothing good ever comes of it, like ever.

This week I backtracked with Picky Eater a bit. I know! The horror, the shame! It doesn’t matter because nothing came of it. I literally wanted to be with him again and he literally said no, no progress was made at all. He is now in the dust.  (Another one bites the dust)

I am officially on to the next guy. No more wasting time. My biological clock is ticking! Is there a next guy you may ask? The answer is yes. I am not ready to unveil him to the world yet. I am keeping him hidden away like he’s the next iphone. The one that can finally cook you dinner and comes with a live robot of Siri. Yeah that definitely sounds like an episode of Black Mirror.

Being Single is hard when your biological clock is ticking so loud you can’t hear yourself think.

In the meantime please take a look at some of the really nice messages I have been getting on POF. There are some real charmers out there.

Golden Rule: Don’t look back, just move forward.

Tips For Guys: Leave your ex-girlfriends alone. Let them get over you.

bobbyCurvy or Busty


Have you ever been so tired of your own crap that you just want a fresh start. That was suppose to be the beginning of the year but that was a bust. This year was suppose to be self focused. I started meditation just to help clear my head. I want a more zen filled life and that really starts with eliminating negativity. That friend who doesn’t give a shit about you. Those guys that you thought cared about. Throw it all away. I can’t keep dragging it along. If they don’t bring you happiness or good vibes, cut it loose.

I’m giving myself a Re-do button. I’m starting fresh. You may a ask what’s the reason for this. The reason is I want to stop feeling like shit and I want people to stop shitting on me. Judging me for my actions because they think all their actions are perfect. People giving you fake love because they think they have to.

Over the past week Picky Eater asked me to become his booty call. He wanted to downgrade me from a girl he once dated and got to know, to a friends with benefits situation. That really hurt me because I’ve always thought if a guy knew me he would like appreciate me. Not the case. Needless to say, I’m over trying to be friends with him.

I also realized that everything good about Booty Call and the time we spend together is all temporary. I get the girlfriend experience for a night but he’s never truly mine. When I walk out of his apartment the spell is broken.

I am single and it’s hard at my age but I need to accept that I’m fine. I need to stop talking about it so much and put my efforts elsewhere. What really sucks is when people judge you for where you are now in your life as if they were never in this place. And honestly maybe they have never been. Maybe all their life they have been so sure they were making the right choices. Where as I am so unsure and am just trying to follow my heart. My heart is blind though so let’s not do that.

Okay rant over. No golden rule or tips for guys this time.

Every now and again I need advice, so lay it on me peeps. Also you can restart or re-do your outlook on life at anytime. I’m starting today. It doesn’t mean I won’t falter because I’m not perfect. It does mean that I’ve had realizations today and will try super hard to quit my bad habits and eliminate negativity.

Was I A Thief In Another Life?

Hi Ladies! I wish that I made up some of the stuff that I go through, but I honestly don’t. I’m Christian but sometimes I feel like there is some dating god or deity who is punishing me for something I did in a past life. Let’s call her the “Goddess of Shit”… I just feel like only a woman can inflict this much crap on another lol. Like what did I do to deserve this bullshit? I am pretty average looking and am not crazy (I think). That should at least get me a mediocre dude right? Nope.

Remember that guy that dumped me 2 days before Christmas who I said I would never discuss again? (See Sweet Nothings to get caught up). He contacted me via Facebook to let me know that he has read my blog! Dun Dun Duuuun! Like WTF? How did he find it? Can I be mad, as this is a public forum? Literally, I don’t care that he did. I do care however that he now gets to see how shit my dating life has been since him, while he is riding some magical love wave with the girl that was better than me. Man that sucked! He also said he was sorry once again, and I literally shut down. I can’t talk to this dude, I immediately re-live the moment he dumped me whenever I see his picture. I think that’s called Trauma… should I see a therapist? Kidding, I’m 75% over it. Phew, it only took a whole year.

Then on Tinder, I started talking to an older gentleman who I thought maybe would be a nice change from the normal guys I’ve spoken to. However I am just so fearful to try dating again that I am super skeptical about everything. I’ve mentioned this before but whenever I am on Tinder I literally hear that song from Kill Bill that Uma Thurman hears whenever she saw someone who was apart of her death list. (watch Kill Bill… literally the best movie ever made)

I saw hunting cap on Tinder as well, which was a bit amusing.  He saw Fifty Shades Darker with me last Valentine’s day. Maybe I should ask him to see this new one with me too?  He really liked that movie for obvious reasons. (See And his name was “Hunting Cap” )

Being Single Is Hard when guys you dated are super happy while you ride the singles train.

On the bright side, the really sweet Tinder messages keep pouring in. I mean how can I resist this guy?

Golden Rule: Leave me alone Goddess of Shit!

Tips for Guys: Watch the Fifty Shades movie with your special girl, she really wants you to.


Tinder Boomerang

So sooner than expected but I am back on Tinder. Not seriously just browsing. I completely missed guys saying really vile things to me and ghosting me. Damn I missed it soooo much. Why do we do this to ourselves? Anyway just wanted to update you guys.  I just watched this Black Mirror episode about dating and it actually made me believe in love again. Like somehow I can still do this and maybe find someone.

Listed below is just one of the really nice messages I’ve received.

Being single is hard when you have to resort back to Tinder.

Golden Rule: Try and believe in love again.

Tips For Guys: Don’t be like Bobby.


Strangely Optimistic

Merry Christmas everyone and Happy New Year when it comes! Christmas has been busy. My Grandpa is here to visit for a month from the sunny island of Jamaica. Like why would he come to Canada right? Who knows? He’s crazy?

Also my cousin was visiting from NYC for a few days. So I had a full house and lots of family responsibilities. This really helped with not thinking about all the losers who made 2017 kinda suck. I am currently sincerely honoring my guy break. No texting any guys, no dating websites. I am still stalking a little bit but boredom is to blame. Like for instance, the guy that dumped me two days before Christmas last year just celebrated his one year anniversary with the girl he dumped me for. Yes that’s just math and I figured they would be celebrating. But damn that just sunk in that I have been upset about this for a whole year. Thus this is the last time I will bring him up. (Unless he messages me wanting to get back together, which will never happen….kinda hoping it would though).

Anyway, my cousin from NYC told me that if I was living there, I would definitely already be with someone long term. So as of now I am seriously considering moving to NYC.  At Christmas dinner I got the regular “Why aren’t you married yet?” “You are running out of time!” “Don’t you want children?” I turned it into a drinking game though.  So every time someone asked me about my relationship status or about children, I had a large gulp of my wine. So Christmas was actually lit because I was wasted.  Also one of my family members offered to hook me up with someone in Church. I thought that was interesting…… I’ll let you guys know how that goes. lol

I am officially looking forward to the New Year. I really want to leave all my ex’s in 2017. Guys have a way of always coming back though. I will ignore them because I want a clean slate. Dating will resume in a month or so. I am going to try better dating websites. Maybe even paid ones, which I said I would never do because love is supposed to be free. Not according to Match.com though.

So here I go again into another year still single but strangely optimistic.  Going into 2018 with a positive outlook but I won’t expect too much. lol

Golden Rule:  Leave the past in the past.

Tips for Guys:  Once you break up with a girl let her be.

What Do I Want?

Relationships are tough as we all know via my past blogs. You all of a sudden have to bring another person into your world and all of their problems become your problems on top of your own problems.  I like having a person that is “mine” but at the same time I need to admit that I enjoy my freedom. Ask any of my friends and they will let you know that I am super impulsive and do what I want when it comes to guys.  I also have to admit that being with Picky Eater was making me somewhat miserable. I literally wrote blogs complaining about him. I realize now though that most women will take being miserable over being alone.

Hey! I get it, because that girl is me. I would rather hold on to a shitty relationship than break up with a guy and be alone. All my friends are in relationships right now while I’m out here singing sad songs like Taylor Swift after a breakup. (Love me some Tay Tay) Its literally like even toddlers are dating now, why can’t I? I have to admit that I think that being a woman in her late 20’s (don’t ask me my age snoopy) and not being in a committed relationship or has never been in one is weird. My mom literally was living with my dad when she was 20 (with children). Times have changed.

My mother who has seen all there is to see and done all there is to do, looks at me and tells me not to rush it. I think she is crazy and should be super disappointed, but she sees me go through these awful relationships and it saddens her. Needless to say she is completely on board with my guy break.

I do feel like I have a disability though, not being able to keep a man as they say. I thought I was supposed to be myself in a relationship but maybe I need to be something else. I really don’t know at this point. Guys have a clear cardboard cutout of what they want, but I literally have no idea.

In conclusion I am a hot mess which I believe I have mentioned several times, it may be the one consistent theme throughout all this. Trying to work on myself and love me more. I want an awesome relationship but I’m having trouble passing the honeymoon stage. Maybe I need to be stranded on a desert island with a handsome stranger or stranded on a mountain top with Idris Elba. That’s how people fall in love… when they have no choice. (Please go see “The Mountain Between Us” if you have time. Very good film. I have two words for you; Idris and Elba.)

Golden Rule: Lets all figure out what we actually want.

Tips For Guys: Teach me your decisiveness because I literally don’t know what I want anymore.