The Disappearing Act

Hey Ladies, I just wanted to keep you adrift on my newest single annoyance. I happen to be going on a trip next week. Yup leaving good ole Canada for a few days, trust me I need the vacation.  Picky Eater has decided that there was no need to see me this weekend before my trip so that sucked. Also he disappears on me for hours at a time. Now I know what you are thinking… “He has stuff to do!” Yeah and I get it, he most definitely is a busy person. When he stops messaging me from 7 pm on a Saturday night though, that arouses some concern from me.

He doesn’t really tell me when he is about to go missing he just does. I have no idea when he is going to resurface and it drives me insane. Like I know we are exclusively dating and all that but we are supposed to be building trust and that shit scares me.  I hate it when guys disappear on you because they could literally be doing anything. Also, as a girl your mind just automatically goes to the worst places. Like my go to place is he was out axe throwing and he mis-stepped. The axe then flew through a glass and he is about to get charged by cops for  Vandalism or another common one is you know, he’s cheating on me. My mind works in mysterious ways lol.

One of my friends once told me that she only talked to guys because they made her feel good. They gave her encouragement, or they were fun or just some kind of positive benefit. She said as soon as that stopped, she lost interest. As soon as they started to make her more unhappy than happy she got the hell out of there. I am like the opposite of that, I hold on to relationships, even when I see the Iceberg coming. I try to make everything work. I’m the girl who had a fling with Booty Call for like year, thinking eventually things would change. It’s been a year and literally nothing has changed. He looked me in the eye once and told me that he doesn’t want the things that I want and I still stuck around.  When I told him I was going to officially start dating someone else all he said was “Ummmm Alright” which basically sums up our relationship.

For Picky Eater, I am literally walking on egg shells. I don’t want to fall for him because he already has these bad habits and I’m going to be constantly wondering where he is or what he’s doing. This really sucks because I already really like him.  Sometimes I feel like I am asking too much because so far no guy that I have dated is able to successfully communicate with me. Like this is the beginning of our relationship, at least make me trust you and think you care about me.

My thought is, if you really cared I wouldn’t even have to tell you to do this stuff. You’d just want to do it. Am I right, or am I right?

Golden Rule: Once they stop making you happy, get out of there.

Tips for dudes: Don’t disappear on us, it dilutes our trust for you.

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Thanksgiving Blues

Thanksgiving is upon us. Yes it is Canadian Thanksgiving friends. Yes I’m Canadian lol. I thought this year would be another year of “why aren’t you married? fest 2017”. This year however was reasonably tame. My brother made one single joke of which the punchline was that people who are single are losers, so that was fun. Another huge deal was that I lost for the very first time at Taboo. I know, ridiculous! I just had a bad team setup and there was some drinking and cheating but thats another story for another time.

So its long weekend and I totally want to hang out and have fun with friends. What hinders that you may ask? When all your friends are in relationships and you being the single loser can’t really find anyone to hang out with.  These are the instances when you can’t be mad at your friends but cant help feeling like the single loser in the group. This is probably one of the hardest things about being single; Being Single through the Holidays.

I sat on my bed and tried to find someone to hang out with but there was absolutely no one. You can have tons of friends and family and still feel completely alone. These are the times when it hits you; how you don’t have anyone to share your life with, while everyone else is off sharing theirs. Picky Eater is off being a father; which is great and I am not even allowed to complain because of that fact. I get like two text messages a day but everyone around me says that it’s okay because he has children. Not sure how you get to know someone with two text messages a day. Not sure why he went on Tinder and was apparently trying to find a relationship if he absolutely has no time for it. Not sure why Christopher Robin from Winnie the Pooh isn’t labelled a crazy kid for having full blown conversations with inanimate stuffed animals. Lots of unanswered questions out there, we just have to keep pondering them.

I even texted Booty Call, and yes I still see him from time to time because I am single and allowed to do that. I am not in any one defined relationship.

Thus my conundrum of feeling lonely.

Golden Rule: Have different circles of friends because once they are busy with their BFs, that’s when you really feel single.

Tips For Guys: Be cool and hang out with me every time I ask jeez. lol

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Picky Eater

So ladies I went on my first Tinder date and I am just here to report that it was a success. The first non-creep I have been on a date with in a long time. Let’s just start off with exclaiming how cute he is; like he was cute on the site but even more adorable in real life. I know, I know! It’s usually the opposite right? I lucked out with this one.   It’s usually a cute 20 something dude on the site but then a non-well-groomed 40 something dude that shows up to the date. No that never happened to you before? Oh okay then me either. Let’s just move on.

We went out for some dinner at a local sports bar. Nothing too fancy, I am trying to keep it super chill. As you know, I am looking for true love and would usually have our children named by dessert. But not this time, you guys would have been so proud of me. (I still have two of our children secretly named).  Let’s call him Picky Eater because that’s what he is. To be fair he is on a major health kick which I thought would be a problem for me. My favorite meal in the world is bacon covered with bacon bits, so yeah the opposite of a healthy eater. I am currently in the process of working on that though. Anyway he ordered a salad with dressing on the side. Like way to make me feel fat lol. Just kidding, I respected his dedication to his diet as I ordered crispy delicious Calamari.

He also hates seafood…. I know what a weirdo. Also kidding, I adore him lol.

We talked and laughed and vibed. At the end of the night we talked a bit more in his car. So as you all know from my plethora of dating mistakes. When I go into cars with guys, I never leave the same if you know what I mean. (wink, wink) But not this time. We actually just talked and he never once tried to make a move. This drove me crazy of course because he was so cute. By the end of the night I realized I would have to make the first move.

So me being the elegant enchantress I am leaned over before we said goodbye and kissed him. It was magical. He wasn’t over bearing or held back, it was the perfect kiss. It was so perfect that I drove home in a daze. I probably should have Ubered. Oh did I mention he walked me to my car and opened my door. I know right?! I met this guy on Tinder.

Sounds too good to be true? Well there is a slight caveat. How do I say this?… I guess I will just say it. He has hook for arms. Nah just kidding. He has children.  Yes he is a father and no he isn’t a hundred years old. He is pretty young. He has two children that he adores and they are quite adorable. And yes he told me this before we went on our date. He was just so nice and polite that it simply didn’t matter.

What do you guys think? Am I making a good decision here?

Let’s keep in mind; it’s only been one date. I am just going with the flow with this one.

Golden Rule: On a first date wear something slutty enough so that you don’t have to make the first move. I wore a backless romper but it didn’t do the trick.

Tips for guys: I actually have none, I found a guy that made me believe that decent guys aren’t extinct or kidnapped by aliens.

Life After Plenty Of Fish

Hi Ladies, needless to say I am having a rough time looking for Mr. Right. I am literally wondering if this is ever going to happen. I am about to erase getting  married from my vision board. I’m kidding its staying on there, right under owning a bullet proof 2021 range rover. I know, so classy right?

Lets get to it; I have decided to leave my favorite dating site “Plenty of Fish” behind. All the guys that I have discussed in my blog were from that site and honestly they were all disasters. I have decided to move on to way more sophisticated sites such as Tinder and Bumble lol. Please don’t roll your eyes because I have a friend who said two of her friends found their life partners on Tinder. I know it’s a long  shot but I am trying to keep all my options open.

So we are about to start the magical journey of Tinder and Bumble.

Let The Games Begin!images

Romance is Dead… Time for a Sugar Daddy?

I am just wondering if every guy that ever wanted a relationship and wanted to start a family was rounded up and kidnapped by aliens. The aliens then felt bad and replaced the guys they took with disrespectful, unkempt, unromantic dudes who think they can speak to women however they want with no consequences.  Like were you raised by wolves… or never saw love in your childhood and thus have no idea how to give it. Scrap love, we don’t even get close to that because dudes can’t get past the like phase.

So guyss right now ages 21-40 just want to have endless one night stands until the end of time? What happened to settling down? What happened to romance? What happened to just being monogamist.  Am I the last normal person on all the online dating sites? If our parents behaved like this, would any of us be here? (food for thought)

My rant is sparked by a recent conversation with a potential love interest. I honestly thought this dude was normal. I mean he is a gym teacher for heaven sakes and has countless pics on Instagram with his mum. It’s honestly always the guys with pics of their mums.

This guy literally texted me just to brag that he had sex with another girl. My thing was like… how is this relevant to me and why are you telling me this. It doesn’t hurt because I barely know this guy but I did think it was awfully rude and uncalled for. I still don’t get what the point of telling me this was.

What do guys want? They don’t want a girl who has  her stuff together who is at least a 6 I would say. Lol. Would they rather date a drama queen that works at Walmart?  Do guys just think in general  that all girls are not good enough for them and also replaceable. YUP!

Let’s call it a night on online dating shall we?  Am I going to have to pay for like match.com or something?  I’m too broke to pay for that lol. Should I date some 94 year old sugar daddy and hope that he writes me into his will?

My mom keeps telling me to marry for love, to find the one person I’m meant to be with. Whatever mom, you don’t get these weird messages online like I do.

Please see below the evidence that romance is indeed dead.

Raj1Raj2Raj3Raj4Raj5Raj6

Golden Rule:  Be a better judge of character, when you cant trust a high school gym teacher things are bleek.

Tips For Guys: Please prove me wrong, I’m praying there are still dudes out there that can value a good girl.

Enlightened

That moment when you figure out that being alone isn’t so bad when you are waiting for the right thing instead of being stuck in the wrong thing. Holy crap I have seen the light!

The problem with having someone you care about is that you know what that feeling is like. You know what it’s like to be connected to someone and have something special. You know how much fun you have with them. Those are all the things that make you sad when it’s gone; but better days are on the way.

This is just like when Dawson is with Joey and you think that’s the greatest relationship ever; and then boom Pacey and Joey happen. When they are together you realize what love is actually like.  Joey is a girl btw for the handful of people who didn’t watch Dawson’s creek. (weirdos) Go check out the hottie that plays Pacey. Sexaaay! Yup I just made a word up.

In other news… this is my online dating progress:

There are some great guys out there! Sheesh how am I not married already?

Golden Rule: Be Happy! Always!

Tips for Guys: Try to have a relationship like Pacey and Joey. It’ll be awesome!

I’m A Slow Learner… but I Learn

Anyone notice the Game of Thrones reference there? That was said by The Lady of Winterfell herself,  Sansa Stark in the season 7 season finale. Sorry Spoiler alert! If you haven’t seen it. Why haven’t you seen it yet anyway?

Maybe I’m still single because I’m a giant nerd. *shrugs* I thought it was easy for nerds to find love. lol

So when a guy goes cold turkey on you for a couple of days and you feel like absolute crap and assumes he’s lost interest in you, you’re probably right. After watching “He’s Just Not That Into You” this weekend and doing extensive research (googling guys behaviors), you kinda just figure it out.

Most guys assume that girls are clingy and we need all this attention. I`m sure if they see it from that perspective its hella exhausting. I would be annoyed too if I thought another person just mindlessly needed me to attend to them. However that`s not it at all. I feel like with girls… and trust me I have asked around, its more the connection that we need. We link communication with connection. We want to build on that and sustain it. What I notice is that most dudes don`t want a connection, especially when they point blank say “I don`t want a relationship / connection”. So lets get smarter and stop moping around. I am taking my own advice and is actively trying to be mope free lol.

My friends are so annoyed of me moping that they may stop being friends with me, thus I must shape up.

Pulling up my big girl trousers and is not going to mope when a connection that I thought was so important is slowly fading. Things happen as they`re suppose to, lets just accept it.

Golden Rule: Accept the bad with the good. It all comes together most of the time.

Tip for Guys: We want connection not mindless attention. If you think the girl is worth it, then build on your connection.

Love-Connection2

 

Am I A Stalker?

So is it weird that I still look at the Instagram page and FB page of an ex? Remember that guy that dumped me 2 days before Christmas? He and his new girlfriend are getting on quite well and I’m totally hating. (Please see Sweet Nothings to get caught up) I find that like every 2 weeks I have this compulsion to go stare at their lives.  I just want to know how they are doing and if they are close to breaking up. I mean I don’t want them to break up or anything. Okay who am I kidding, I kind of do. He told me that he couldn’t be with me because he fell in love with someone else. Like when did you fall in love with someone else? The same time you were supposed to be falling for me? Am I not all consuming enough that you need to have two women on your roster at all times? Anyway I digress.

Every now and again I have an engagement scare. Like I think their engaged because I see a shadow of a ring on the wrong finger. So far no engagement but I need to prepare myself for when it does happen. I’m at that age now where exes get married and have kids after we break up.  I just know that it’s going to suck major for me when that happens. But you know congratulations to the happy freakin couple.

The other day I noticed from her Instagram page that he got her a Claddagh ring. This is like an Irish traditional ring. Apparently if the heart is pointing in, it means you’re taken and of course she had it pointing in. I only know this because I watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer growing up and her vampire Boyfriend whose name is Angel got her one of those rings.

So current status is; jealous of a fictional character and a real girl for having a traditional Irish ring. Man, being single is hard.

Please see picture of the beautiful Claddagh ring below.

Golden Rule: Stay strong and don’t stalk your ex. It never ends well.

Tips for Guys: Get your girl a Claddagh ring, just do it.

claddagh-ring-front

Drunk and Disorderly 

Hello Again! So my friends birthday dinner happened last night and I honestly wanted to update you guys on what I thought would be a dreadful night. 

So one of my friends boyfriends actually wasn’t able to make it. (Thank God) I now wasn’t the only single person there. However this friend is engaged so she has no issues rolling on her own, fully confident in the fact that she is taken. I on the other hand is not fully confident… in anything really. 

My friend that was BF less that night ended up being my wing girl, so I didn’t feel like I was alone. Sure enough at the end of the night when the waiter came, my fears did come to past. He gave bills to the couples and then singled my single ass out. (Please see previous blogpost Friends with Boyfriends to get caught up.)

As the night went on, one sake (Japanese rice wine) and a cidar (strongbow) later I was a bit inebriated. The sake was 20% alcohol and I drank it as fast as water. I am also a light weight. While being a little drunk I decided to embarrass myself and randomly yell out to my friends and their boyfriends that ” I wasnt actually single”. I felt the need to point this out as I had met one of my friends boyfriends for the first time and didn’t want to seem like a loser. After I said that though there was some serious awkward silence. It was maybe just as awkward as when Dean and Jess met for the first time on Gilmore girls knowing full well they were both in-love with Rory. 

Anyway it was super weird. Then I ended having to explain myself. Not in detail of course but in a general way. “Like I sort of see someone sometimes. ” The guys were all like , ” yeah there is nothing’s wrong with that”. While my friends just awkwardly stared at me like “why are you bringing this up?”. So that was a fun dinner. Honestly it was, I just chose to embarrass myself as usual.  

On nights like that, you realize how not being connected to another human in a significant way in your 20’s is like really weird. Everyone is out all coupled up. It just makes you wonder; “what’s wrong with me?” To which the answer is “you’re an alcoholic” lol. Just kidding. The answer is, you are waiting for something extraordinary. Right?! Right! 

Golden Rule: Try not to get drunk when you are single at a couples birthday dinner. Things get weird really fast. 

Tips For Guys: Probably don’t suggest Sake to girls. It makes girls drunk really fast. Oh wait…. that’s probably what you want. Forget I mentioned it. 

Single With A Side of Amazing Sex

I mess up and I keep messing up but is there a purpose to it all? I don’t even want to make a big deal about it but I have been seeing Booty Call again. He apologized and said he didn’t mean any of it and trust me I still don’t 100% believe him. He knows however that I do have some feelings for him. So of course if he said sorry and that he wanted to make things right, it wouldn’t take much for me to be back in his bedroom having amazing, jaw dropping sex. You must be wondering how good this sex is. Imagine a guy telling you that he isn’t attracted to you, when you have feelings for him and then the minute he kisses you it all goes away. It’s almost like our bodies were made to have sex with each other but our minds are still adjusting.

He slept with someone else btw, while we were apart. So that adds some additional angst to my life. It’s caused me to pull away somewhat, which is good. Everything is back into perspective. This is just like when Felicity had to choose between Ben and Noel; except I’m Noel in this scenario and I know that Felicity and Ben are probably in the next dorm room banging. Man, Felicity was an angst filled TV show, almost as angsty  (not a real word, I checked) as my life. Imagine constantly thinking the person you want to bang most in the world, potentially banging someone else. I hate it! And he says he is not. Can I believe that though?

Status: Currently still single while having great sex.

Do I want the movie dates and the aquarium dates? Do I want to go for ice cream and out for dinner? Do I want to go to concerts and go out dancing? Does Caesar from Planet of the Apes have a lot of hard decisions to make? ( I have a mild planet of the apes obsession) The answer is yes to all of the above. It’s like I know what I want but I don’t know how to get it.

Well we did hang out the other Day, not in a bedroom setting and we were both standing up. That was a change. He met some of my friends and they liked him. He was pretty awesome all day and did all the right things but I don’t want to over think anything.  He could get over me at any time and I need to be prepared.  That isn’t really a fair way to think about things but it is the way I think. I am still thinking that I am going to run into the love of my life at the bank or something; thus being able to move on. In my head the love of my life is a British dude with an excellent job and an excellent wine collection. His name shall be Phillip or William; something ultra British, but I digress.

I do want to address the big question on everyone’s mind once again though. Did he really delete the nudes? The answer is No. Shocking I know. You are all perverts by the way. lol

Golden Rule: Excellent sex makes you do crazy things.

Tips for Guys: Delete the nudes if you say you are going to delete them. I know it’s hard but be strong.