What A Year 2020 Will Be

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Ladies! Sound the alarm, my blog has been infiltrated. Hide your wives, hide your children, JK. No but seriously I think our past lovers have come back to haunt us or furious attempted lovers. Where do I start? With the juicy information? Nope!

Happy New Year you filthy animals! It’s 2020, we are getting dangerously close to cyborgs and hover boards. Over the holidays Brad and I took a massive road trip to Maine to visit my sister. We had a lovely picturesque snowy Christmas there. Then we drove through upstate NY on our way back. This trip really brought us closer together and pointed out some key information to me about our relationship. The most important one is that we can drive in a car together for 6 hours with only one break without wanting to kill each other. Okay there was maybe one argument but scouts honor that was it.

My sister sure approved of him with her closing statement being “He’s Tall.” She made him reach all the high cupboards and take down things she hadn’t seen for years. Well you get it, Christmas was mint.

On to New Years. We went to one of Brad’s family friends house for a party. It was a lot of games, food, drinks and really loud people. Brad and I had our midnight smooch but sadly didn’t get to seal the deal that night. (Wink)

Am I being way more raunchy? Idk, new year, new……. writing style?

As for the drama, I won’t give anyone the satisfaction of going into detail but basically I think someone out there would like for Brad and I to part ways. To what end, I have no clue.

My last blog was a bit emotionally raw and true. I want you all to know that relationships, even really good ones such as mine, have their low points. Brad and I did have an epic fight surrounding the subject of my last blog. (If you wanna know so bad, go read it!)

We have since mended and put the past behind us because we know who we are and what we have. We know we are building a future and we also know that we aren’t perfect! I love my hunny and plan to stick with him through the ups and downs. I won’t pull a Hillary but he knows way better than to pull a Bill.

No golden rule on this one. I’m just sending all my readers good vibes and wishing you all the very best for your new year!

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We Are Not Perfect

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Hi Ladies,

I just wanted to let you guys know that no relationship is perfect. Brad and I have been having this on-going issue, involving another girl outside of our relationship. Now when I met Brad he came encompassed with all these young, female (some single, some not) friends. Like most girls who start a new relationship I was not comfortable.

Brad has made profound improvements in this regard. He really tries to stay clear of anything that makes me uncomfortable or any interactions that he knows will make me feel not great. However, lol. One still remains.

There is a particular friend whom we have had controversies with concerning some interactions. Stuff that any girl would feel weird about or not appreciate. The problem is that with this particular human, Brad doesn’t really agree that some things were inappropriate.

When he is with this particular individual something else happens. His phone is a deadzone lol. So say I’m chatting away, just telling him usual stuff, expecting a response. Maybe not right away but like within a reasonable time. I’ll either get no response or like weird half answers. So Ofcourse I didn’t feel great about that. And I would notice it most with this particular girl. Like I would just feel the distance.

I have discussed this with Brad and since then have seen major improvements. He has had to actively try to stay attentive when this person is around. Which makes me feel eeeeeeeek. He says it’s because they don’t get to see each other that much so when they do, they have lots to say. I also basically just need to accept this as I do get quite upset every time it happens. Shouldn’t I be use to this by now?

In the most recent incident she asked Brad something that had somewhat to do with me. And like it just feels like my feelings were not considered you know. It just felt like this thing was only about her. And it sucked. After the fact Brad and I discussed but there is like no going back on this thing. Also I would think if it was between me being upset and her being upset. Mine would be more crucial or important but I felt like that wasn’t the case.

This is the one thing that hasn’t really changed much in almost two years. There is no shaking her. And I feel terrible for being that girlfriend that steps in the way of friendships. My fear is that there may be something more than friendship happening there but Brad vehemently disagrees. I feel like freakin Darth Vader every time I bring it up.

Because Ofcourse she’s like a happy little fairy girl. Who doesn’t like that right? While I’m an overthinking, intellectual adult who still allows a fairy girl to make me feel like shit.

Naturally in these scenarios where someone else has your boyfriends attention, you start to over analyze and compare. And comparison is never good. I compact every interaction they have ever had into a little box. And every time she’s brought up, I open this little box and all the uncomfortable feelings seep out. Kinda like in that movie the ring where like that dead girls hair just like comes out of no where and stifles you. Super similar to that.

Brad Ofcourse hates that I do this. Because he literally doesn’t remember anything that has happened with this person past last Tuesday. Is that like a guy thing?

So anyway, this is my dilemma. This problem is not going anywhere as he has to see this person on a semi-regular basis. Some aspects of this situation does make me feel insecure. The usual questions. Am I not interesting enough? Not pretty enough? Not fairy like enough?

Because intrinsically that’s what happens. I don’t feel like enough. I should be so enough that no other human can do this. As no other human does this to me in regards to Brad. But that’s just it. Brad and I are different and see things differently.

So then I’ll think like maybe I’m just being too sensitive or maybe a bit over critical. But then I bring up specific scenarios with my friends and even my MOM. And my mom would say, “hmmmmm something doesn’t seem right with this girl.”

So that’s the dilemma. I have no advice this week but I sure need some.

Paradox

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Hi Ladies,

It’s been a while. I haven’t been writing that much, and its not that nothing is happening in my life. Its actually exactly the opposite, so much is happening. Things are happening at work, things are in the works for buying a house with Brad and things are happening in my now almost two year relationship.

Look at me being in a relationship for almost two years. Of-course we all know this is a learning curve for me, especially with my track record of ex boyfriends. There are so many new and interesting discussions that Brad and I have that I have never even thought of talking to another human about.

Like for one, we argue about my faith a lot and his lack thereof. Brad does not believe in God, he believes in science. I don’t think the two oppose or disproves each other, I am one of those weirdos who think they go hand in hand. (Like Darwin, he was a devout Christian, look it up!)

Needless to say we have had some pretty heated arguments about this. We debate on what religion our children would be. That would be an example of one of those conversations I never thought I would have. In the end we just have to agree to disagree as we are both pretty firm on our points.

The next thing that has come up in our relationship is SEX. If you have been with me from the start you know the nature of some of my past relationships. They were primarily just sex. And now my relationship is so much more than sex and I super have to adjust to that. I need to not treat Brad like a piece of meat, which I do sometimes. Man, being in a relationship has a huge learning curve.

Here’s the bit I have been having to learn the most. Being happy on my own and not being reliant on Brad for happiness. He has actually expressed this to me many times. Here is where I struggle ladies. I have a great job, I am sexy, I am smart but I also absolutely thought your relationship was where you put all your emotional energies. Like I still, at this point, want to be with Brad all the time. As life would have it, he is the total opposite. He doesn’t want to see me all the time, or he can manage without it. I’m not so good at managing that.

I equate happiness as being in a happy relationship but Brad says that’s not the case. So I have been on my quest for happiness outside of my relationship. Life is hard sometimes, so that’s kind of tricky but I am determined on finding it.

Brad is literally always happy, he’s like Will Ferrel in Elf. Where as I’m the Grinch. so needless to say, I have some cheering up to do.

Have I mentioned that every other person that I know has become engaged in the last month. Every time I see an engagement ring on social media and literally hear my eggs crying out to me. The biological clock is no lie, but I think only women can hear it ticking away.

Those are the major updates. I am adjusting to life in a serious relationship which should also not be my only source of JOY. What a paradox eh?

Golden Rule: Find your own happiness.

Tips for Guys: If everyone is getting engaged, maybe you should too? or is that too jump off a cliffy? (I just made that word up)

 

What The Future Holds

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Hello Ladies,

It has been a while since I’ve updated you guys. I have literally been so busy with my new job and Brad, but don’t worry. You are about to get filled in.

It’s Thanksgiving here in Canada, so I just wanted to say have a happy Thanksgiving everyone. Even though family can be a massive pain, they are still your family. Lol.

So Brad and I are actually having to attend two Thanksgiving dinners because our families are hosting them both on the same day. So needless to say, I will be gaining 5 pounds today.

Speaking of Brad, it’s soon to be a year and half of us being together. We still make each other laugh and sometimes it feels like we haven’t even been dating for that long at all. Time sure flies when you are in love. I have mentioned this in the past but we are looking to buy a house together.

My mom is more on board with the idea now. She is happy to let her little bird leave the nest. Now it’s just all the logistics. Like when we would do it and where we would live. Trying to find something in our price range. Ugh, I hate being an adult.

We have gone to look at a few houses and Ofcourse I fall in love with the over the top out of price range kind of houses. I need marble counter tops, 4+ bathrooms, and stainless steel everything. Is that too much to ask? In the greater Toronto area right now, yes that’s a bit much.

Anyway, I’ve prayed about this and is trusting that our dream house is out there somewhere. We just have to keep looking and make sure we are ready to strike when it’s found.

Other than that, life has been pretty chill. Just making huge life decisions over here. I am very thankful to have met the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with. Finally! Right?

Golden Rule: If you are looking to buy a house, don’t look at anything above price range. It’ll just make you yearn for things you can’t have.

Tips for guys: If you find someone you want to live with, go for it. Chances are she is ready and waiting for you to ask.

Being In Love With A Capricorn

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Hi Ladies,

Did I ever mention to you guys that Brad is a Capricorn? Well, yes he is. He is the first Capricorn man I have ever dated and by far the most exciting.

Brad is very composed, so composed that I never know what he’s thinking unless he tells me. I find myself googling “Capricorn men traits” to assist in figuring him out.

Apparently Capricorn’s like independent women. So that’s good for me but the issue lies in when he needs space, or is busy or is distracted and then I literally feel all out of sorts. I’m used to guys wanting to talk to me, constantly wanting to see me but this relationship is totally opposite.

It’s been over a year and obviously things are going to be different from when it started but now I just need to understand him. Remember the love languages? I still haven’t figured his out. Lol

It’s not touch, it might be quality time but like not all the time. It might be acts of service but not all the time lol. He is literally a paradox.

I’m completely in love with him and I know him inside and out but his emotions are totally masked sometimes. Sometimes I feel distance between us but he doesn’t feel it. I’m literally the type of girl where if I feel distance all my alarms start going off and I constantly feel on edge because I’m just trying to figure out what’s going on.

I don’t think he does any of these things on purpose it’s just his personality. So I’m trying to figure it out. I’m literally so open and transparent that it’s probably my weakness. I tell him everything I’m feeling constantly.

Now I know some ladies are going to say “Don’t ever tell a man everything!” Which is what my mom says but I’m all about being open and honest.

Anyway that’s me ranting about my Capricorn man. Tell me about yours!

Are they all the same? How do we know what they are thinking or feeling?

No golden rule this time girls. I need your advice!

P.s. Please see below a link to a Capricorn guide below. It’s helped me a lot.

https://www.astrology.com/us/editorial/editorial-article-amp.aspx?UniqueID=213&CRC=F2E0B31FDB645D36844B03CCB091431A&hub

Things That Girls Do….

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Hi Ladies,

So this weekend was quite interesting.

Friday;

Absolutely wonderful. Work sucked but then after I got to see Brad and we ordered pizza and we had amazing, passionate sex. I felt so close to him, physically and emotionally. I love when we connect like that, it literally re-affirms that he is this amazing human and I am so happy he’s all mine.

Saturday;

On this particular Saturday Brad had to work until 4 PM, when he normally works  until like 1 PM. I was pretty bummed on his behalf because I would hate to have to work my whole Saturday away. So when he’s at work, he gets busy and of course being busy = not much attention. Me being an attention hoarder has had to get use to that overtime. I am fairly aware that I require more attention than most. I’m working on that lol.

So at times when he’s at work and not paying attention to me or at least less than the usual amount. Or even texting me back but not like anything engaging, it usually has to do with his company at work. Brad works in a female dominated field and much of his co-workers are women. I am sure I have mentioned this before lol. Since I have been in a relationship for a year; I would like to think that I have matured, have become less jealous and is just generally all around a bigger person. I will try to describe this situation with some sophistication.

I have noticed over the year, that when Brad is working with one particular co-worker is simultaneously when his attention is less engaging. We have had chats about this co-worker and she seems to be a subject of contention in our relationship. Brad has known this girl for a long time and when they get together they have tons to catch up on and talk about. They have a lot in common and rarely get to work together. They share relationship problems and give each other advice and things of that nature. In this scenario, is it fair for me to be jealous or dismayed that when he works with her he is simply having more fun that other nights and that leads to me not getting the standard attention that I’m use to?

Needless to say, we got in a fight about this. The fight was mainly because I didn’t know he was working with her but I did notice him being disengaged. Then when I found out that coincidentally he was working with this lassie, I became enraged. Am I insecure? Maybe… she’s been in his  life a long time, they have a lot in common and she’s blonde.

So we got into a fight right before we had to go to a backyard movie night planned by one of my friends. We tried to resolve it before we went and we did come to a solution. The solution is that I need to be more understanding that on these particular instances I will most likely get less attention, and that Brad will actively make an effort to give me the same level of attention.

We went to the party, had a good time and left.

Sunday;

Woke up together, I was still having fight flashbacks. So, do all girls do that thing where they re play every bit of a fight in their head, even though the argument is over and it should have been resolved?  I literally replayed everything that was said a million times and started feeling crappy about it all over again. I then started feeling insecure, wondering why this particular person is able to engulf so much of Brad’s attention. In the end I just needed a girls day. I hung out with one of my friends and I just felt better after stepping away from the situation.

I’m in love with Brad and as of right now, he’s not only my boyfriend, he’s pretty much one of my best friends. I tell him everything. I depend on him for guidance, company and affection. But is that too much? I’ve  decided to just reign it in for a while. I am working on my attention issue. I hate being jealous or feeling like I’m sharing him at any point but I have to be rational. I have to understand that he really likes this girl as a friend and that their interaction is not inappropriate in any way.

I have to be mature about this.

P.S. When this girl confesses her undying love for him for always being such a good friend, I will definitely let you guys know.

Golden Rule: If your significant other is giving you less attention at times, try to understand it.

Tips For Guys: Give your girl attention. Trust me, it will make her a happy clam.

 

Summer List

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Hi Ladies!

What’s your favorite thing to do in the summer? Do you enjoy biking, hiking, or going to the beach? Everyone has their list of things that they absolutely need to do every summer. On my list is of-course the beach.

I loooove the beach. Sun, snacks, music and water. I’m Aquarius I love water! I need to swim lol. I think I’m part mermaid. Regardless of that, I really don’t get to swim very often. This my obsession with the beach. I’ve been to the beach once already this summer, but ofcourse I neeeeed to go again.

I asked my hunny buns Brad if he wanted to go and then I found out that Brad absolutely hates the beach. It’s not his thing but it’s definitely my thing. I also drag him to family events and such. I’m just wondering if I want too much.

Do I want it all? Do I want too much?

Sometimes I fear that I require soo much time and attention from Brad. I’ve never thought of myself as high maintenance, but am I? I’m re-evaluating myself lol. As usual.

I do feel rather shitty when I feel like I’m pushing my agenda on him. In this case I don’t want to push him away, so I need to chill right?

Golden Rule: Enjoy your BF for who he is and try not to want it all.

Tips for guys: Understand that girls have a summer list and they kinda need to do it all.

Summer Summer Summer Time.

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Hi Ladies!

I know I haven’t been writing much lately and that’s not good! Life is definitely getting in the way of my juicy relationship stories.

What’s been going on with Brad and I, you ask? He has been getting to know the family. He has been to several family events and he is now very familiar with members of my clan. They like him too but is he getting overwhelmed? Yes. Can he remember everyone’s names? Nope, but that’s natural. To be honest he’s only met less than a quarter of my family. I’m easing him in slowly. (That’s what she said)

We officially had a talk with my mom about buying a house together. She was pretty chill about the talk but I can tell she is melting inside like butter in a microwave. She is scared for her baby girl to leave her, live with a man and for me to be on my own. She’s also scared to be on her own. Who can blame her? These are all completely rational fears.

I’ll keep you posted on how and when buying a house with Brad goes. Who knew we would get here? Time sure flies when you are dating a committed, loving man. Remember in my earlier blogs when I thought this wouldn’t happen? Yeah me too. He’s not perfect but I love his imperfections. I’ll talk about those in another post. Lol.

Ladies, there is Hope yet.

Being single is still hard I’m sure, but I’m not single anymore. I don’t wanna jinx it though.

Golden Rule: If you want to buy a house with your lover, try to not already buy one with your parent.

Tips for guys: Commitment is everything. Girls love a guy who can commit.

Attention

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Hi Ladies,

I know it’s been a little while since I posted anything so I wanted to catch you guys up. Sooo Brad and I are still going, after a whole year. Do you hear “We are the champions” by Queen playing? No? I hear it lol.

So we definitely aren’t perfect but he definitely has the stamina to handle me and my endless self evaluations, moods, crying and freak outs. He’s still here. Not to say he’s perfect but he definitely doesn’t cry as much as I do. Actually he doesn’t cry at all. Crying is just how I deal with stress. Am I alone ladies? Yeah? Okay, I’ll try to cry less.

So the current issue in our relationship is me being jelly about some girls at his work and me feeling like I don’t get enough attention. When is a girl not complaining about attention? Attention is like the bane of all BF’s existence everywhere lol. Sometimes I let my emotions get the best of me and then I like regret it. So basically I need to chill sometimes.

Brad is as cool as a cucumber and literally doesn’t think about half the stuff I do. Like he’s at work playing monopoly deal and I picture him, literally at a brothel. Not just like a normal brothel but like a game of thrones brothel. Boobs, dragons and Ale everywhere . Needless to say, he’s not doing anything but then I start to feel super jelly and annoyed.

So now I’m just trying to be chillest GF ever. Like I need to learn to need less attention and to just be okay with being alone for a while. I literally wanna talk to him all the time but if he’s doing stuff at work that isn’t realistic.

So this is it guys, I no longer require attention. At least that’s where I’m trying to get to. When I get to that level will I just ascend? A woman who doesn’t want attention? Never heard of her……. but I’m gonna try. I don’t want my BF to be constantly annoyed and feel as though I need like all this attention.

Being a girl that likes attention is hard.

Golden Rule: Try to chill on your emotions and stop needing so much attention.

Tips for guys: Forgive your girl if she freaks about attention, it’s literally how God made us. What can we do?

Time To Grow Up

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Hi Ladies!

So this post is about being terrified. Brad and I are very happy together and are looking to make the next move. Which is running away and joining the circus! Jk Jk.

It’s moving in together. It’s getting a place together. This means buying a place. So like I already did that, but with my mom like 3 years ago. Since then, all hell has broke lose and my credit isn’t the best. I’ve had some pretty bad luck with accidents and cars which have led to my Credit Cards all being used. Saying all that, Brad is absolutely spotless. Not a drop of debt or shame to his name.

We are yin and yang, light and dark, tall and short…. you get it.

So tomorrow, Brad would like to go see a mortgage agent to see about purchasing a home. Needless to say, I am freaking out. I feel as though all my issues will lower our odds of having a great mortgage.

I’m also scared that Brad will see me in a negative light. I have shared some of my finances with him but it’s different when a professional lays it all out.

On the bright side, I know what I need to do. But do I have time? I want Brad and I to be on the same timeline. I wanna be his perfect Girl but Ofcourse life isn’t perfect.

Send me good vibes and good advice. I’m gonna hardcore pray tonight.

Tomorrow is gonna be hard.

Golden Rule: Credit Cards are the devil, stay away from them.

Tips for guys: Go easy on your GF and her debt. She’s trying her best.