Did Picky Eater Break My Heart?

Guys I don’t know what it is about this one but it really hurt. I think he broke my heart. I wasn’t even sure I had a heart until this dude just broke it. I feel like shit all the time. My self-esteem is way down. I all of a sudden think that no one wants to be with me.  He really sucks…. Like a lot.  I thought I would take a risk on a single dad and like no offense to single dads but he ruined it for all of you.

I can’t figure out how you go from being a somewhat important person in someone’s life to a stranger in a day. It’s like he just turned a light switch off and I no longer existed. The reason why he doesn’t want to be with me doesn’t really make sense to me. I can’t help feeling that there is something else or most likely someone else.

Look it’s not like I can’t jump on Tinder and have another guy by tomorrow. It’s literally like I don’t want to and I don’t trust anyone anymore.  It’s not like Booty Call isn’t around anymore, because he is. I know I can call him when I need some male affection but I just thought that maybe I had found a serious guy who wanted to settle down.

I was wrong yet again. I’m broken ya’ll. I need to be fixed. He dumped me well before Christmas… but here I am dragging my break up into the holiday season.

Golden Rule: Girls can be wrong…. so so wrong.

Tips for guys: No tip just a question… Is there like formal training on how to break hearts?

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Chill Pill

Hi Ladies, Its been a rocky week for Picky Eater and I…. though Picky Eater has no idea anything is going on lol. Am I the only one who does this? I basically have entire arguments in my head about the crap that he does. To him though I play it cool because I don’t want to seem crazy. This week he took the disappearing act thing up a notch to a one word answer thing. Arggghhh. Drove me crazy all week. I literally started having all these self made crazy girl theories.

Theories;

  1. He is not interested anymore and is slowly winding me down to a subtle ghosting.
  2. He is talking to another girl, thus I am no longer a priority or interesting.
  3. He is an alien.
  4. He is secretly married with children. (that’s only half a theory as one half of that is true)
  5. He’s just super busy, and doesn’t have time to chit chat.

I think its definitely number 3 but what do I know.

I am so into him, attached and invested that the thought of him pulling away for any reason is literally giving me the shakes. I mean a cried multiple times this week. Lets also keep in mind that I am PMSing, so you know…. extra emotional.

Then I woke up this morning and I decided I don’t care anymore. I am going to give myself a bloody heart attack. Which is not the way I thought I would ever get a heart attack. I always thought it would be from those little egg mcmuffins from McDonald’s that I have had for breakfast every morning this week, or from extra butter on my movie theater popcorn.

So I have officially stopped caring, stopped stressing and is taking a huge Chill Pill. I have to learn that I can’t control everything…especially dudes and what’s going on in their heads. So welcome to the era of Zen. I am just going to hang out with my friends and be happy for the impending holiday season.

I did make a deal with him though that if at anytime either of us is just not feeling this anymore, we would be straight up with each other. He agreed… so lets see if he sticks to it. I know I will.

Being Single is hard but it helps if you are Zen.

Golden Rule: You can’t overdose on chill pills so take as many as you want.

Tips for Guys: One wording a girl drives her up the wall.

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Am I A Stalker?

So is it weird that I still look at the Instagram page and FB page of an ex? Remember that guy that dumped me 2 days before Christmas? He and his new girlfriend are getting on quite well and I’m totally hating. (Please see Sweet Nothings to get caught up) I find that like every 2 weeks I have this compulsion to go stare at their lives.  I just want to know how they are doing and if they are close to breaking up. I mean I don’t want them to break up or anything. Okay who am I kidding, I kind of do. He told me that he couldn’t be with me because he fell in love with someone else. Like when did you fall in love with someone else? The same time you were supposed to be falling for me? Am I not all consuming enough that you need to have two women on your roster at all times? Anyway I digress.

Every now and again I have an engagement scare. Like I think their engaged because I see a shadow of a ring on the wrong finger. So far no engagement but I need to prepare myself for when it does happen. I’m at that age now where exes get married and have kids after we break up.  I just know that it’s going to suck major for me when that happens. But you know congratulations to the happy freakin couple.

The other day I noticed from her Instagram page that he got her a Claddagh ring. This is like an Irish traditional ring. Apparently if the heart is pointing in, it means you’re taken and of course she had it pointing in. I only know this because I watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer growing up and her vampire Boyfriend whose name is Angel got her one of those rings.

So current status is; jealous of a fictional character and a real girl for having a traditional Irish ring. Man, being single is hard.

Please see picture of the beautiful Claddagh ring below.

Golden Rule: Stay strong and don’t stalk your ex. It never ends well.

Tips for Guys: Get your girl a Claddagh ring, just do it.

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Insincere

In life there are two roads that you can take; Sincerity or Insincerity. Now I don’t know about you but I couldn’t help being my very sincere authentic self even if I tried. However there are people; and in this case gentlemen, who thrive on insincerity. Even when it is totally unnecessary. The reason I am blathering on and on about this, is because Mr. Booty Call ended our tryst. He claimed that throughout the entirety of our pseudo relationship he was not attracted to me.  I, as a sincere person was completely unaware that there was a way to have mind blowing sex, for months with a person and not even be attracted to them. That’s just me though, open hearted single girl who actually believes a guy when he says “Your ass is what every guy wants”.

As you all know, I have been going back and forth on whether to end it with Booty Call for a while now, as I knew it wouldn’t end well. This ending though I didn’t see coming. It was a particular strain of cruel that knocked my self-esteem right off its white horse.  I thought that he was the one guy who wouldn’t deliberately try to hurt me if he needed space or wanted to see someone else. I knew it would hurt when it came time to move on but I thought it would go something like this “Hey, so I think I wanna bang someone else.” To which I would say “okay” as we just had a sexual relationship.  What I didn’t expect was “I just don’t like banging you, and I never did. Thus everything I ever said to you was a lie”. He didn’t actually say that but I read between the lines.

I’m not going to be insincere and say that I wasn’t feeling more and that I didn’t want more because I did. Somewhere in my delusional mind I thought some of those feelings were being reciprocated. It seems that was not the case.

This one hit me harder than the death of Jack in the Titanic and that says a lot. Like Rose, you seriously can’t scoot over a bit and let jack float some on the door. Regardless of my issues with how Rose handled that situation, when booty call said he was never attracted to me from the start; I felt like my heart smashed into a giant iceberg. He told me that he was sorry that it took him until last weekend to make him tell me this. That statement was like a knife. All I could picture was him cringing every time I asked to hang out but still said yes anyway. I’ll take him at his word and believe him that he thought I was gross throughout the several months we banged. I’m sorry he had to suffer through that.

Life will go on and I will date another, hopefully someone who appreciates me for what and who I am; but for now I’m pretty crushed. Like random panic attacks crushed. In the mean time he is probably already a week into another awesome relationship, hopefully with a girl he finds attractive this time.

The very hardest part about being single is the absolutely unkind things guys say to you. They just have no idea how much their words hurt. Their words leave a mark.

But of course the question on everyone’s mind is “what about the nudes?!”. So he said he deleted them but he is the only one who knows if that’s true. Considering he thought I was the grossest girl he ever laid eyes on, it shouldn’t be too hard to Bin them.

Hang in there; I’ve got all summer to make you laugh. I have got to share my pain with you guys too, it’s how I work through it.

Golden Rule: Check to make sure a guy is attracted to you first before initiating “friends with benefits” relationship. I never thought I would have to check for that, it seems we have a new problem.

Tips for Guys: Don’t have sex with girls you aren’t attracted to and then wait months and months to tell them. It’s just cruel.