Not Exactly Easy

Hi Folks!

So as I mentioned, I am not seeing Brad during this quarantine. It has now been almost a month. I am being super safe though I live with mom and she has to go out to work. She is also taking every precaution. Brad has to still go to work and he is taking precautions.

Knowing all this, I was hoping that Brad and I would still see each other periodically but Brad has told me that he is not comfortable with this. That’s a bit frustrating for me…… he said he is doing this because he doesn’t want me to get sick as I have Asthma. And also for his family.

At this point, he is seeing everyone in his life except for me. So needless to say, I am not excited about this whole scenario. He is doing this for the greater good of humanity. Me, I’m just going insane. My job is up in the air, lockdown just keeps extending but Atleast I still have my boo. Wait…. can’t see him either.

So during this time of not seeing each other, communication is key. I realize that communication for most men is hard and so that just makes me even more frustrated.

I was speaking to my mom about Brad’s decisions he’s made and how stubborn he is about everything. If he makes up his mind to do something for whatever reason; be it plausible or not, he’s gonna do it. Sometimes I’m pretty sure whatever I say has not effect at all on his decision making. My mom told me that this is never going to change. This is Brad. There is no bending or molding.

It’s been almost two years and now we don’t even see each other. We only communicate by text of phone. And so in this peculiar situation you start to notice things you didn’t before.

There is a pandemic happening and in these times you try to cling to what makes you feel safe or happy. It’s hard to cling to that thing when you feel like you have also been quarantined from it. He says I need to look at the bigger picture. It may be weeks, it may be months. Nothing about that is comforting. This is the moment when I need him more than ever….. but he’s so far away.

This is a sad time for people losing their loved ones and this is a sad time for lovers that are apart. Communication is what’s going to get us through this, so try to communicate better.

I’m trying to stay positive throughout all this and I hope everyone stays safe and healthy.

Quarantine

Hi Ladies,

I won’t be one of those people who complain about being bored in quarantine even though I am. As I understand that it’s saving all our lives by doing so.

As we discussed in my previous post, I am not quarantining with Brad for various safety precautions. Earlier today it was announced that this could go on for 12 more weeks.

Now ladies if you are shacked up with your significant other right now, you have won. You are winning. I am horny, crazy, bored and at this point just sad. I am trying not to think of three of the longest months of the year rolling by while I’m stuck staring at my ceiling. At this point, I won’t be seeing Brad until the middle of summer.

I honestly am feeling a plethora of emotions right now. Was I a thief in another life? Should we have moved in together sooner? And I get it, besides my relationship there is a whole pandemic happening. With so much chaos and uncertainty, this is when we need our loved ones most and I don’t have Brad.

We talk on the phone and we play games together but for me, nothing can replace physical time together. He is currently still going to work and I’m not. So at this point he’s seeing everyone in his life except me. I understand all the risks of seeing each other but I’m not going to lie this sucks in a major way.

Imagine; Dating, Falling in love, getting attached, looking to live together and then boom 3-4 months apart. That’s pretty natural right?

I have told him that my biggest fear is that some aspects of our relationship will change after spending so much time apart. I feel myself retreating and getting even more closed off. It’s my defense mechanism. I can’t cry all day so I have to distance myself from the situation.

I honestly don’t know what the future holds for any of us. I am sending good vibes out to anyone stuck in the house away from their significant other. At this point our 2 year anniversary will be spent away from each other.

This is a crazy time and I have no advice for anyone except stay safe and try to retain your sanity.

Stress Eating

Hi Ladies!

What happens when work is stressing you out, you only see your man 2 times a week, 3 if you’re lucky and your friends live some distance away?

You start stress eating. This week alone, I have eaten sooo much crap. At work I just like drinking diet pop to keep me going. That’s not good for me. I always feel super bloated after.

Then I don’t see my boyfriend, so I just go home and eat alone. Then go to bed.

Bottom line is, I hate being fat. Then I look in the mirror and I’m like WTF?! And then that stresses me out. Who’s a brides maid in two weddings this year? Yup, I am! It’s just the perfect year to be chubby, stressed and annoyed.

By the way, this is me being positive lol. Today was a good day until I saw how chubby I was and how alone I felt.

Brad works nights every other week but sometimes it’s like two weeks in a row. It’s pretty sad because I literally am doing everything by myself in the week. That would be okay if my friends were around but they are all like a 45 minute drive. I mean….. should I make new friends?

IDK, I just wanted to vent a little.

Yours Truly,

Chubby Chubby Bunny.

Thirty, Flirty and Tired

Hello Ladies!

My day job is taking over my life but here lies my true passion. I have recently turned the big 3 0! It’s shocking. I literally thought I would be in my 20’s forever or forever 21.

Now that I have entered a new chapter, I am looking forward to all adulthood is ready to teach me. Probably weird health things, or I assume my organs will need to be checked or something. I suddenly start to fee real sluggish around 9 PM, is that an old people thing?

Brad and I hosted a giant party for my birthday at his house. It was delightful. My hunny got me the most perfect cake and the cutest gifts. My friends were all around me. It was pretty much a kickass birthday. The only thing is, now I’ve gotta top it!

Brad and I are in a really good place despite all the past drama. For the most part there hasn’t been any other woman running interference. I’m looking ahead into our future which I think is Uber bright.

Well that’s it folks! I made it to 30 and only cried a handful of times so that’s an accomplishment!

I’ll keep y’all posted on what’s coming next!

What A Year 2020 Will Be

Ladies! Sound the alarm, my blog has been infiltrated. Hide your wives, hide your children, JK. No but seriously I think our past lovers have come back to haunt us or furious attempted lovers. Where do I start? With the juicy information? Nope!

Happy New Year you filthy animals! It’s 2020, we are getting dangerously close to cyborgs and hover boards. Over the holidays Brad and I took a massive road trip to Maine to visit my sister. We had a lovely picturesque snowy Christmas there. Then we drove through upstate NY on our way back. This trip really brought us closer together and pointed out some key information to me about our relationship. The most important one is that we can drive in a car together for 6 hours with only one break without wanting to kill each other. Okay there was maybe one argument but scouts honor that was it.

My sister sure approved of him with her closing statement being “He’s Tall.” She made him reach all the high cupboards and take down things she hadn’t seen for years. Well you get it, Christmas was mint.

On to New Years. We went to one of Brad’s family friends house for a party. It was a lot of games, food, drinks and really loud people. Brad and I had our midnight smooch but sadly didn’t get to seal the deal that night. (Wink)

Am I being way more raunchy? Idk, new year, new……. writing style?

As for the drama, I won’t give anyone the satisfaction of going into detail but basically I think someone out there would like for Brad and I to part ways. To what end, I have no clue.

My last blog was a bit emotionally raw and true. I want you all to know that relationships, even really good ones such as mine, have their low points. Brad and I did have an epic fight surrounding the subject of my last blog. (If you wanna know so bad, go read it!)

We have since mended and put the past behind us because we know who we are and what we have. We know we are building a future and we also know that we aren’t perfect! I love my hunny and plan to stick with him through the ups and downs. I won’t pull a Hillary but he knows way better than to pull a Bill.

No golden rule on this one. I’m just sending all my readers good vibes and wishing you all the very best for your new year!

We Are Not Perfect

Hi Ladies,

I just wanted to let you guys know that no relationship is perfect. Brad and I have been having this on-going issue, involving another girl outside of our relationship. Now when I met Brad he came encompassed with all these young, female (some single, some not) friends. Like most girls who start a new relationship I was not comfortable.

Brad has made profound improvements in this regard. He really tries to stay clear of anything that makes me uncomfortable or any interactions that he knows will make me feel not great. However, lol. One still remains.

There is a particular friend whom we have had controversies with concerning some interactions. Stuff that any girl would feel weird about or not appreciate. The problem is that with this particular human, Brad doesn’t really agree that some things were inappropriate.

When he is with this particular individual something else happens. His phone is a deadzone lol. So say I’m chatting away, just telling him usual stuff, expecting a response. Maybe not right away but like within a reasonable time. I’ll either get no response or like weird half answers. So Ofcourse I didn’t feel great about that. And I would notice it most with this particular girl. Like I would just feel the distance.

I have discussed this with Brad and since then have seen major improvements. He has had to actively try to stay attentive when this person is around. Which makes me feel eeeeeeeek. He says it’s because they don’t get to see each other that much so when they do, they have lots to say. I also basically just need to accept this as I do get quite upset every time it happens. Shouldn’t I be use to this by now?

In the most recent incident she asked Brad something that had somewhat to do with me. And like it just feels like my feelings were not considered you know. It just felt like this thing was only about her. And it sucked. After the fact Brad and I discussed but there is like no going back on this thing. Also I would think if it was between me being upset and her being upset. Mine would be more crucial or important but I felt like that wasn’t the case.

This is the one thing that hasn’t really changed much in almost two years. There is no shaking her. And I feel terrible for being that girlfriend that steps in the way of friendships. My fear is that there may be something more than friendship happening there but Brad vehemently disagrees. I feel like freakin Darth Vader every time I bring it up.

Because Ofcourse she’s like a happy little fairy girl. Who doesn’t like that right? While I’m an overthinking, intellectual adult who still allows a fairy girl to make me feel like shit.

Naturally in these scenarios where someone else has your boyfriends attention, you start to over analyze and compare. And comparison is never good. I compact every interaction they have ever had into a little box. And every time she’s brought up, I open this little box and all the uncomfortable feelings seep out. Kinda like in that movie the ring where like that dead girls hair just like comes out of no where and stifles you. Super similar to that.

Brad Ofcourse hates that I do this. Because he literally doesn’t remember anything that has happened with this person past last Tuesday. Is that like a guy thing?

So anyway, this is my dilemma. This problem is not going anywhere as he has to see this person on a semi-regular basis. Some aspects of this situation does make me feel insecure. The usual questions. Am I not interesting enough? Not pretty enough? Not fairy like enough?

Because intrinsically that’s what happens. I don’t feel like enough. I should be so enough that no other human can do this. As no other human does this to me in regards to Brad. But that’s just it. Brad and I are different and see things differently.

So then I’ll think like maybe I’m just being too sensitive or maybe a bit over critical. But then I bring up specific scenarios with my friends and even my MOM. And my mom would say, “hmmmmm something doesn’t seem right with this girl.”

So that’s the dilemma. I have no advice this week but I sure need some.

Things That Girls Do….

Hi Ladies,

So this weekend was quite interesting.

Friday;

Absolutely wonderful. Work sucked but then after I got to see Brad and we ordered pizza and we had amazing, passionate sex. I felt so close to him, physically and emotionally. I love when we connect like that, it literally re-affirms that he is this amazing human and I am so happy he’s all mine.

Saturday;

On this particular Saturday Brad had to work until 4 PM, when he normally works  until like 1 PM. I was pretty bummed on his behalf because I would hate to have to work my whole Saturday away. So when he’s at work, he gets busy and of course being busy = not much attention. Me being an attention hoarder has had to get use to that overtime. I am fairly aware that I require more attention than most. I’m working on that lol.

So at times when he’s at work and not paying attention to me or at least less than the usual amount. Or even texting me back but not like anything engaging, it usually has to do with his company at work. Brad works in a female dominated field and much of his co-workers are women. I am sure I have mentioned this before lol. Since I have been in a relationship for a year; I would like to think that I have matured, have become less jealous and is just generally all around a bigger person. I will try to describe this situation with some sophistication.

I have noticed over the year, that when Brad is working with one particular co-worker is simultaneously when his attention is less engaging. We have had chats about this co-worker and she seems to be a subject of contention in our relationship. Brad has known this girl for a long time and when they get together they have tons to catch up on and talk about. They have a lot in common and rarely get to work together. They share relationship problems and give each other advice and things of that nature. In this scenario, is it fair for me to be jealous or dismayed that when he works with her he is simply having more fun that other nights and that leads to me not getting the standard attention that I’m use to?

Needless to say, we got in a fight about this. The fight was mainly because I didn’t know he was working with her but I did notice him being disengaged. Then when I found out that coincidentally he was working with this lassie, I became enraged. Am I insecure? Maybe… she’s been in his  life a long time, they have a lot in common and she’s blonde.

So we got into a fight right before we had to go to a backyard movie night planned by one of my friends. We tried to resolve it before we went and we did come to a solution. The solution is that I need to be more understanding that on these particular instances I will most likely get less attention, and that Brad will actively make an effort to give me the same level of attention.

We went to the party, had a good time and left.

Sunday;

Woke up together, I was still having fight flashbacks. So, do all girls do that thing where they re play every bit of a fight in their head, even though the argument is over and it should have been resolved?  I literally replayed everything that was said a million times and started feeling crappy about it all over again. I then started feeling insecure, wondering why this particular person is able to engulf so much of Brad’s attention. In the end I just needed a girls day. I hung out with one of my friends and I just felt better after stepping away from the situation.

I’m in love with Brad and as of right now, he’s not only my boyfriend, he’s pretty much one of my best friends. I tell him everything. I depend on him for guidance, company and affection. But is that too much? I’ve  decided to just reign it in for a while. I am working on my attention issue. I hate being jealous or feeling like I’m sharing him at any point but I have to be rational. I have to understand that he really likes this girl as a friend and that their interaction is not inappropriate in any way.

I have to be mature about this.

P.S. When this girl confesses her undying love for him for always being such a good friend, I will definitely let you guys know.

Golden Rule: If your significant other is giving you less attention at times, try to understand it.

Tips For Guys: Give your girl attention. Trust me, it will make her a happy clam.

 

Whimsical Cottage Getaway

Hello Ladies!

What have I been up to you may ask? I’m just chillen and working, having fun with cutie pie Brad. So Brad Paisley’s family owns a cottage, no shocker there. He is Brad Paisley after all. This past weekend he thought it would be a good idea for us to take a little trip. It’s only two hours away but it’s good to know that I can be in a car with him for two hours. We literally just listened to music and talked and laughed. Not a bad travelling partner.

His cottage was beautiful and I had a bunch of new experiences. I rode an ATV. Not to worry Brad was at the helm. I just prayed for my life and held on tight. I drove a boat for the first time as well. I quickly realized how fun cottage life is and is hastily looking into my own cottage lol. You know once this blog takes off and I start making tons of money lol. For now my cottage dream is on hold.

Anyway, I thought it was super sweet of him to invite me up there and boy did I sure have fun. I was also ingesting at a steady pace some very delicious wine. That definitely helped me to relax and unwind. It’s was a whimsical trip.

Golden Rule: If your guy ever invites you on a cottage getaway, please do it!

Tips for Guys: Buy a cottage.

Just One Of Those Days

Is it me, or do you have those days where you second guess yourself and everything around you. Those days when you wonder if you’re worthy of love. Those days when you wonder how there are millions of people in the world who have found love and you haven’t. Like is it me? Am I just a complete Alien with Alien type tendencies. Or just like wonder, what or who you have to be to convince someone that you are worth loving. I know it sounds so introspective and emo, but am I the only one that wonders?

Maybe I should write a survey and pass it around. The title would be “Whats wrong with me?”. Multiple choice because I would never want people to write their own answers in. You might end up with way more than you bargain for. I would hand it out only to my close family and friends. Just to gather some intel. My friends are pretty honest, so I’d prepare for the worst lol.

Anyway, rant over. Gonna go have some ice cream, that always makes me feel better. I mean ice cream and love are the same thing right?

What are you looking for?

These are the 5 worst words to utter while online dating. As soon as you ask this question, the conversation either gets really weird or stops immediately. Man have I gotten some weird answers. I’ll have some great examples listed below.

I’ve also started dating someone y’all! I know me. We have been on like 4 dates and it’s going okay. It’s not anything spectacular and he is nothing like anyone I have ever dated. He has tats everywhere and a tongue piercing. Yup I said tongue piercing lol. I’ll let you know what thats all about in another post. I’m trying to feel him out to see if I actually like him. Let’s call him “Tongue Ring”.

Golden Rule: Date a guy with a tongue ring, things get interesting.

Tips For Guys: Date a girl with a tongue ring, everyone needs to have this experience.