Was I A Thief In Another Life?

Hi Ladies! I wish that I made up some of the stuff that I go through, but I honestly don’t. I’m Christian but sometimes I feel like there is some dating god or deity who is punishing me for something I did in a past life. Let’s call her the “Goddess of Shit”… I just feel like only a woman can inflict this much crap on another lol. Like what did I do to deserve this bullshit? I am pretty average looking and am not crazy (I think). That should at least get me a mediocre dude right? Nope.

Remember that guy that dumped me 2 days before Christmas who I said I would never discuss again? (See Sweet Nothings to get caught up). He contacted me via Facebook to let me know that he has read my blog! Dun Dun Duuuun! Like WTF? How did he find it? Can I be mad, as this is a public forum? Literally, I don’t care that he did. I do care however that he now gets to see how shit my dating life has been since him, while he is riding some magical love wave with the girl that was better than me. Man that sucked! He also said he was sorry once again, and I literally shut down. I can’t talk to this dude, I immediately re-live the moment he dumped me whenever I see his picture. I think that’s called Trauma… should I see a therapist? Kidding, I’m 75% over it. Phew, it only took a whole year.

Then on Tinder, I started talking to an older gentleman who I thought maybe would be a nice change from the normal guys I’ve spoken to. However I am just so fearful to try dating again that I am super skeptical about everything. I’ve mentioned this before but whenever I am on Tinder I literally hear that song from Kill Bill that Uma Thurman hears whenever she saw someone who was apart of her death list. (watch Kill Bill… literally the best movie ever made)

I saw hunting cap on Tinder as well, which was a bit amusing.  He saw Fifty Shades Darker with me last Valentine’s day. Maybe I should ask him to see this new one with me too?  He really liked that movie for obvious reasons. (See And his name was “Hunting Cap” )

Being Single Is Hard when guys you dated are super happy while you ride the singles train.

On the bright side, the really sweet Tinder messages keep pouring in. I mean how can I resist this guy?

Golden Rule: Leave me alone Goddess of Shit!

Tips for Guys: Watch the Fifty Shades movie with your special girl, she really wants you to.

Heeey

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Lets Do This 2018

Its kinda liberating being single and not caring. It feels good. No prospective lovers, no one you have to answer to. Not gonna lie, I kinda like it. I’m a free woman. My future is vast and potentially exciting. I am keeping myself busy enough and leaving all the guys that hurt me in 2017 where they belong.

That’s it for now. I have a story to tell you guys about a guy I met that works at the Chinese restaurant, but that’s for another time. For now let’s just be freeeeeee.

Hard To Let Go

Hi Ladies, so things have been rough on me. My friends say I take these break ups too hard but that’s because I go into every relationship thinking this could be the one. Ummm so far it hasn’t. I find it super hard to believe that after speaking to me every day for 2 months someone can drop you like a hot potato (never liked that game anyway). So I need to forget about him and enjoy my “Guy Break”. As all of my friends in relationships complain about the things that their men do. I have nothing to complain about…. Other than the fact that I will spend eternity alone, but no big deal.

I have said it before but it’s hard for me to let go of stuff but this one I have to throw into the ocean just like Old Rose did with the Giant diamond at the end of Titanic. I mean if I was to message him, what would I even say?

  1. I miss you so much. Please be with me?
  2. I hate you and hope that you get really bad indigestion for 5 years.
  3. Are you seeing someone else because that’s not fair.

Yeah, so all of those are pathetic so I will continue with my silence.  I find that after a breakup, girls are usually sad and guys just move right along. Then like 3 months down the line is when they feel any sort of regret. By then most girls have moved on. I sincerely hope that’s the case for Picky Eater and I. Man, I gotta stop writing about this guy but I am literally scared to death to date anyone else.

I think about him so much and all the fun things we did. So many things remind me of him and yeah I hate him I think.

P.S. I saw Booty Call again. It’s still not a huge deal though.

Golden Rule: Never text a dude after a breakup, it comes off as pathetic…. I think.

Tips for Guys: Sorry, I’m on a guy break.

Chill Pill

Hi Ladies, Its been a rocky week for Picky Eater and I…. though Picky Eater has no idea anything is going on lol. Am I the only one who does this? I basically have entire arguments in my head about the crap that he does. To him though I play it cool because I don’t want to seem crazy. This week he took the disappearing act thing up a notch to a one word answer thing. Arggghhh. Drove me crazy all week. I literally started having all these self made crazy girl theories.

Theories;

  1. He is not interested anymore and is slowly winding me down to a subtle ghosting.
  2. He is talking to another girl, thus I am no longer a priority or interesting.
  3. He is an alien.
  4. He is secretly married with children. (that’s only half a theory as one half of that is true)
  5. He’s just super busy, and doesn’t have time to chit chat.

I think its definitely number 3 but what do I know.

I am so into him, attached and invested that the thought of him pulling away for any reason is literally giving me the shakes. I mean a cried multiple times this week. Lets also keep in mind that I am PMSing, so you know…. extra emotional.

Then I woke up this morning and I decided I don’t care anymore. I am going to give myself a bloody heart attack. Which is not the way I thought I would ever get a heart attack. I always thought it would be from those little egg mcmuffins from McDonald’s that I have had for breakfast every morning this week, or from extra butter on my movie theater popcorn.

So I have officially stopped caring, stopped stressing and is taking a huge Chill Pill. I have to learn that I can’t control everything…especially dudes and what’s going on in their heads. So welcome to the era of Zen. I am just going to hang out with my friends and be happy for the impending holiday season.

I did make a deal with him though that if at anytime either of us is just not feeling this anymore, we would be straight up with each other. He agreed… so lets see if he sticks to it. I know I will.

Being Single is hard but it helps if you are Zen.

Golden Rule: You can’t overdose on chill pills so take as many as you want.

Tips for Guys: One wording a girl drives her up the wall.

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Defense Mechanism

Hi guys so I just came back from a trip. I went to Maine. It was beautiful and peaceful; it was exactly the break I needed from my fast paced life of being bored at work and rushing home to watch Netflix. The struggle is real right?

Picky Eater has been amazing, texting me every day and trying his very hardest for me to become attached. Like who texts good morning every morning without fail? Weirdos that’s who. OMG I’m kidding, I love it.

What’s happening right now is that I am stopping myself from falling in love. My constant angst and rants to my good friend who works with me (who sadly has to listen to my word diarrhea daily; sorry girl.) is about how when he doesn’t talk to me for 2-3 hours, I feel like he might ghost me. I’m like constantly reassuring myself that if he walks away from this relationship right now, I need to be prepared and not totally be shattered. It’s been like a month and I am already so invested in this relationship. I am not pressuring him for a title or anything; I’m just going with the flow and trying to be totally nonchalant.

He has no idea how crazy I am because us girls know that we have to keep the crazy in until he puts a ring on it… right? That’s what I have heard anyway as I am nowhere close to marriage (crying emoji).

So to stop myself from falling I am literally as we speak constructing the Great Wall of China around my heart. I am not going to let him all the way in until I feel comfortable. This is my defense mechanism. I need to not feel so on edge and honestly I wouldn’t be if I wasn’t so messed up from other heart breaks. It’s not fair to him, but I have to do this for my own sake. He thinks I’m falling in love with him, which is absolutely accurate but I gotta put some brakes on that.

So the big question here on everyone’s minds is did we have sex? The answer to that is none of your business really but yes we did; which totally doesn’t help my serious attachment issues. Yes it was pleasurable.

Pleasurable Sex + Super Romantic Guy = God Help Me.

Being Single is hard when you are dating someone, sheesh.

Golden Rule: Don’t let him into your heart until you are ready, keep those defenses up.

Tips For Guys: Good morning texts are the way to a girl’s heart.

Defense

Free Fall

Why am I so apprehensive about love? I keep thinking the worse thing is going to happen or that I will never find love. I keep thinking that I don’t want to get hurt thus I should put up a wall hiding my real feelings. But shouldn’t love be a free fall? Do we free fall if we don’t allow ourselves to?

I am currently in Maine with my sister and her brilliant marriage. I mean everything might not be perfect but her husband loves her. So of course I immediately go to that place where I am wondering if I will ever find love.

Also not necessarily complaining but it’s halloween party weekend and I didn’t really get to go anywhere because I was in Maine. Like even Picky Eater went to a party and I had to just watch him go off in a cute costume. No doubt he will be eyed by many female party goers, but you know cool cool cool cool cool.

The point of this post was that I need to let myself free fall into love and not be afraid to feel what I am feeling. Also I seriously adore Picky Eater, it like hurts how much.  Anyway no golden rule or tips for guys this week just a quick check in. Don’t be afraid to to Free Fall.

The Disappearing Act

Hey Ladies, I just wanted to keep you adrift on my newest single annoyance. I happen to be going on a trip next week. Yup leaving good ole Canada for a few days, trust me I need the vacation.  Picky Eater has decided that there was no need to see me this weekend before my trip so that sucked. Also he disappears on me for hours at a time. Now I know what you are thinking… “He has stuff to do!” Yeah and I get it, he most definitely is a busy person. When he stops messaging me from 7 pm on a Saturday night though, that arouses some concern from me.

He doesn’t really tell me when he is about to go missing he just does. I have no idea when he is going to resurface and it drives me insane. Like I know we are exclusively dating and all that but we are supposed to be building trust and that shit scares me.  I hate it when guys disappear on you because they could literally be doing anything. Also, as a girl your mind just automatically goes to the worst places. Like my go to place is he was out axe throwing and he mis-stepped. The axe then flew through a glass and he is about to get charged by cops for  Vandalism or another common one is you know, he’s cheating on me. My mind works in mysterious ways lol.

One of my friends once told me that she only talked to guys because they made her feel good. They gave her encouragement, or they were fun or just some kind of positive benefit. She said as soon as that stopped, she lost interest. As soon as they started to make her more unhappy than happy she got the hell out of there. I am like the opposite of that, I hold on to relationships, even when I see the Iceberg coming. I try to make everything work. I’m the girl who had a fling with Booty Call for like year, thinking eventually things would change. It’s been a year and literally nothing has changed. He looked me in the eye once and told me that he doesn’t want the things that I want and I still stuck around.  When I told him I was going to officially start dating someone else all he said was “Ummmm Alright” which basically sums up our relationship.

For Picky Eater, I am literally walking on egg shells. I don’t want to fall for him because he already has these bad habits and I’m going to be constantly wondering where he is or what he’s doing. This really sucks because I already really like him.  Sometimes I feel like I am asking too much because so far no guy that I have dated is able to successfully communicate with me. Like this is the beginning of our relationship, at least make me trust you and think you care about me.

My thought is, if you really cared I wouldn’t even have to tell you to do this stuff. You’d just want to do it. Am I right, or am I right?

Golden Rule: Once they stop making you happy, get out of there.

Tips for dudes: Don’t disappear on us, it dilutes our trust for you.

Falling In Love On 5 Texts A Day

Hey guys just had some insights I would like to share.  This week Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas got engaged. Yes Joe Man Whore Jonas and Lady Sansa Stark are lucky enough to find the sanctity of love but still not I. They have been together only for one year and Joe made his decision. It’s like when you know, you know, you know?

I am currently online dating as you all know and I have found a guy that actually attempts to speak with me every day and it’s kind of nice. It’s just that with all the moving parts in our lives, it’s hard to like really get to know each other.  Some days our texts are few and far between and all I want to do is get to know him. I want to get to know him and hopefully eventually fall in love. Isn’t that what we all want? He tries though and I commend him for that.

I know lots of guys who don’t even try.  Let’s make a pact; the next time some guy who claims he cares about you, doesn’t text you for two weeks; promise me you won’t text him either. Now this is the important part; when he does text you, which we know he will. Tell him you were in a terrible row boat accident and literally no longer have any legs. Why would we say such a horrible thing? Because it’s a complete possibility and he would know it wasn’t true if he gave a shit about your life and actually inquired about it once in a while.

Anyway I digress. This is the age of online dating where showing a girl attention is how you get to her heart. I don’t only want attention though, I want commitment.  I want old school falling in love. I want that “I want to see you all the time” feeling. I have that feeling not sure about Picky Eater though. I also want us to spend so much time together that we naturally get to know each other. However times are a changing and the only way to get to know someone now is by playing an endless game of 21 questions. It should be called Infinity Questions (Patent Pending).

This is our new societal norm and I guess we just have to go with it. Way Back in the day to court someone you would have to go over to their house with their parents for afternoon tea lol. Then in the 60’s it was hanging out in diners until you both got fat. I need to accept that dating changes; but my fear now is just wondering if the act of falling in love has changed too.

Being single is hard when you are trying to fall in love in the age of technology.

I do want to say though that Picky Eater is super romantic, and if I were to fall in love with someone, I think he is on the right track. Our third date was amazing, but that’s for another Blog Post lol.

Golden Rule: Adjust to the times.

Tips For Guys: Times are changing but getting to know a girl, is getting to know how special she is. Spend some time with her and I promise it will be worth it.

 

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Thanksgiving Blues

Thanksgiving is upon us. Yes it is Canadian Thanksgiving friends. Yes I’m Canadian lol. I thought this year would be another year of “why aren’t you married? fest 2017”. This year however was reasonably tame. My brother made one single joke of which the punchline was that people who are single are losers, so that was fun. Another huge deal was that I lost for the very first time at Taboo. I know, ridiculous! I just had a bad team setup and there was some drinking and cheating but thats another story for another time.

So its long weekend and I totally want to hang out and have fun with friends. What hinders that you may ask? When all your friends are in relationships and you being the single loser can’t really find anyone to hang out with.  These are the instances when you can’t be mad at your friends but cant help feeling like the single loser in the group. This is probably one of the hardest things about being single; Being Single through the Holidays.

I sat on my bed and tried to find someone to hang out with but there was absolutely no one. You can have tons of friends and family and still feel completely alone. These are the times when it hits you; how you don’t have anyone to share your life with, while everyone else is off sharing theirs. Picky Eater is off being a father; which is great and I am not even allowed to complain because of that fact. I get like two text messages a day but everyone around me says that it’s okay because he has children. Not sure how you get to know someone with two text messages a day. Not sure why he went on Tinder and was apparently trying to find a relationship if he absolutely has no time for it. Not sure why Christopher Robin from Winnie the Pooh isn’t labelled a crazy kid for having full blown conversations with inanimate stuffed animals. Lots of unanswered questions out there, we just have to keep pondering them.

I even texted Booty Call, and yes I still see him from time to time because I am single and allowed to do that. I am not in any one defined relationship.

Thus my conundrum of feeling lonely.

Golden Rule: Have different circles of friends because once they are busy with their BFs, that’s when you really feel single.

Tips For Guys: Be cool and hang out with me every time I ask jeez. lol

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The Wrong Girl

Why can’t I be the girl that guys fall in love with? Why aren’t I the one they want to lock down because they are afraid of losing me? Am I the only one wondering, what makes someone … the one? I have gone through “Hunting Caps, Booty Calls and guys that dump me two days before Christmas and I realized that for these gentlemen I was literally nothing special.

I think I’m funny, independent, not hideous, but what are guy’s standards? Extremely beautiful with no humor or intelligence? Bingo! I think that’s it.  Hunting Cap never had time for me; Booty Call wants to see me twice a year if that many times;  guy that dumped me before Christmas… doesn’t even remember that I exist. How do I know? Because I stalk his life duh. (See “Am I A Stalker?” to catch up) How do I deal with this over whelming feeling that I’m only making mistakes and they are all just a waste of time?

Picky Eater is a great guy… but I am getting the “I’m too busy for you vibe”. I already got the “Not sure when we can hang out again line”. It’s been 2 and a half weeks. I mean can’t men multitask?

I somehow manage to own a house and a car. Go to work every day and take care of family and friends shit; and believe me, those are a lot of responsibilities. Somehow through it all, I try to carve out time to have fun with the special gentlemen in my life. Doesn’t even have to be major, as long as I get to see them.

This just sucks because I really adore Picky Eater; he took me to the drive in Movie Theater over the weekend. I know cute right? Then he opened his sun roof so that I could see the stars. Just when I thought romance was dead lol. (See; “Romance is Dead… Time for a Sugar Daddy?)

I don’t want to give up hope on Picky Eater, but he just started a new job that is quite important to him and he hasn’t given us a label or anything. So I’m just out here in this dating Limbo. This place of “are we dating or are we not?”.

Literally everyone says, “When you stop looking, you’ll find it”. Let’s see if that’s true. I am attempting to just have a male hiatus for the holiday season. Last Christmas I got my heart broken wicked bad and was a zombie for the most part. I really don’t want that to happen again. I’m a scarred girl in this rough dating world. That rhymed… I should write poetry, no?

Being Single is Hard, when I keep being the wrong girl for these guys.

Golden Rule: Guys cannot multitask.

Tips for Guys: Learn to multitask, Jeez

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