For some reason, this week has been the hardest week of this entire pandemic for me. It’s like my body and mind is ready for this to be over and I am not sure how to accept that it isn’t and probably wont be for a very long time.
I know most people are just binging Netflix and probably have already finished all of Netflix, but I am so bored at this point that I can only bring myself to watch a few hours a day. For the rest of the day I am trying to figure out ways to make my circumstance better.
This is also when you realize that this is different for everyone. Some people handle uncertainty way better than others. I handle it pretty poorly. This is the time when being happy with yourself and by yourself is put to the test. I have to feel okay on my own because I don’t even see Brad. Being in a relationship usually is a crutch for finding things to do that make you happy. But I honestly don’t have that right now. We talk via text and phone but I can’t help but feel super far from him. The other thing is that we are on total opposite ends of this pandemic. He’s on the end where he is actually making lots of money, making lots of moves at work and still see’s his work friends. I’m on the isolation end (the cave I call it). So you can see how he wouldn’t understand anything that is happening over here.
The point of this is that it’s okay to not feel okay. I never thought in a million years that I wold ever feel like this. I feel like my future is in question…… my future that I worked so hard for his currently foggy. Needless to say its been rough. I have to find a way to get through this and that is what I will be focusing on going forward.