Was I A Thief In Another Life?

Hi Ladies! I wish that I made up some of the stuff that I go through, but I honestly don’t. I’m Christian but sometimes I feel like there is some dating god or deity who is punishing me for something I did in a past life. Let’s call her the “Goddess of Shit”… I just feel like only a woman can inflict this much crap on another lol. Like what did I do to deserve this bullshit? I am pretty average looking and am not crazy (I think). That should at least get me a mediocre dude right? Nope.

Remember that guy that dumped me 2 days before Christmas who I said I would never discuss again? (See Sweet Nothings to get caught up). He contacted me via Facebook to let me know that he has read my blog! Dun Dun Duuuun! Like WTF? How did he find it? Can I be mad, as this is a public forum? Literally, I don’t care that he did. I do care however that he now gets to see how shit my dating life has been since him, while he is riding some magical love wave with the girl that was better than me. Man that sucked! He also said he was sorry once again, and I literally shut down. I can’t talk to this dude, I immediately re-live the moment he dumped me whenever I see his picture. I think that’s called Trauma… should I see a therapist? Kidding, I’m 75% over it. Phew, it only took a whole year.

Then on Tinder, I started talking to an older gentleman who I thought maybe would be a nice change from the normal guys I’ve spoken to. However I am just so fearful to try dating again that I am super skeptical about everything. I’ve mentioned this before but whenever I am on Tinder I literally hear that song from Kill Bill that Uma Thurman hears whenever she saw someone who was apart of her death list. (watch Kill Bill… literally the best movie ever made)

I saw hunting cap on Tinder as well, which was a bit amusing.  He saw Fifty Shades Darker with me last Valentine’s day. Maybe I should ask him to see this new one with me too?  He really liked that movie for obvious reasons. (See And his name was “Hunting Cap” )

Being Single Is Hard when guys you dated are super happy while you ride the singles train.

On the bright side, the really sweet Tinder messages keep pouring in. I mean how can I resist this guy?

Golden Rule: Leave me alone Goddess of Shit!

Tips for Guys: Watch the Fifty Shades movie with your special girl, she really wants you to.

Heeey

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Tinder Boomerang

So sooner than expected but I am back on Tinder. Not seriously just browsing. I completely missed guys saying really vile things to me and ghosting me. Damn I missed it soooo much. Why do we do this to ourselves? Anyway just wanted to update you guys.  I just watched this Black Mirror episode about dating and it actually made me believe in love again. Like somehow I can still do this and maybe find someone.

Listed below is just one of the really nice messages I’ve received.

Being single is hard when you have to resort back to Tinder.

Golden Rule: Try and believe in love again.

Tips For Guys: Don’t be like Bobby.

DayumAssonly

Lets Do This 2018

Its kinda liberating being single and not caring. It feels good. No prospective lovers, no one you have to answer to. Not gonna lie, I kinda like it. I’m a free woman. My future is vast and potentially exciting. I am keeping myself busy enough and leaving all the guys that hurt me in 2017 where they belong.

That’s it for now. I have a story to tell you guys about a guy I met that works at the Chinese restaurant, but that’s for another time. For now let’s just be freeeeeee.

Strangely Optimistic

Merry Christmas everyone and Happy New Year when it comes! Christmas has been busy. My Grandpa is here to visit for a month from the sunny island of Jamaica. Like why would he come to Canada right? Who knows? He’s crazy?

Also my cousin was visiting from NYC for a few days. So I had a full house and lots of family responsibilities. This really helped with not thinking about all the losers who made 2017 kinda suck. I am currently sincerely honoring my guy break. No texting any guys, no dating websites. I am still stalking a little bit but boredom is to blame. Like for instance, the guy that dumped me two days before Christmas last year just celebrated his one year anniversary with the girl he dumped me for. Yes that’s just math and I figured they would be celebrating. But damn that just sunk in that I have been upset about this for a whole year. Thus this is the last time I will bring him up. (Unless he messages me wanting to get back together, which will never happen….kinda hoping it would though).

Anyway, my cousin from NYC told me that if I was living there, I would definitely already be with someone long term. So as of now I am seriously considering moving to NYC.  At Christmas dinner I got the regular “Why aren’t you married yet?” “You are running out of time!” “Don’t you want children?” I turned it into a drinking game though.  So every time someone asked me about my relationship status or about children, I had a large gulp of my wine. So Christmas was actually lit because I was wasted.  Also one of my family members offered to hook me up with someone in Church. I thought that was interesting…… I’ll let you guys know how that goes. lol

I am officially looking forward to the New Year. I really want to leave all my ex’s in 2017. Guys have a way of always coming back though. I will ignore them because I want a clean slate. Dating will resume in a month or so. I am going to try better dating websites. Maybe even paid ones, which I said I would never do because love is supposed to be free. Not according to Match.com though.

So here I go again into another year still single but strangely optimistic.  Going into 2018 with a positive outlook but I won’t expect too much. lol

Golden Rule:  Leave the past in the past.

Tips for Guys:  Once you break up with a girl let her be.

Did Picky Eater Break My Heart?

Guys I don’t know what it is about this one but it really hurt. I think he broke my heart. I wasn’t even sure I had a heart until this dude just broke it. I feel like shit all the time. My self-esteem is way down. I all of a sudden think that no one wants to be with me.  He really sucks…. Like a lot.  I thought I would take a risk on a single dad and like no offense to single dads but he ruined it for all of you.

I can’t figure out how you go from being a somewhat important person in someone’s life to a stranger in a day. It’s like he just turned a light switch off and I no longer existed. The reason why he doesn’t want to be with me doesn’t really make sense to me. I can’t help feeling that there is something else or most likely someone else.

Look it’s not like I can’t jump on Tinder and have another guy by tomorrow. It’s literally like I don’t want to and I don’t trust anyone anymore.  It’s not like Booty Call isn’t around anymore, because he is. I know I can call him when I need some male affection but I just thought that maybe I had found a serious guy who wanted to settle down.

I was wrong yet again. I’m broken ya’ll. I need to be fixed. He dumped me well before Christmas… but here I am dragging my break up into the holiday season.

Golden Rule: Girls can be wrong…. so so wrong.

Tips for guys: No tip just a question… Is there like formal training on how to break hearts?

What Do I Want?

Relationships are tough as we all know via my past blogs. You all of a sudden have to bring another person into your world and all of their problems become your problems on top of your own problems.  I like having a person that is “mine” but at the same time I need to admit that I enjoy my freedom. Ask any of my friends and they will let you know that I am super impulsive and do what I want when it comes to guys.  I also have to admit that being with Picky Eater was making me somewhat miserable. I literally wrote blogs complaining about him. I realize now though that most women will take being miserable over being alone.

Hey! I get it, because that girl is me. I would rather hold on to a shitty relationship than break up with a guy and be alone. All my friends are in relationships right now while I’m out here singing sad songs like Taylor Swift after a breakup. (Love me some Tay Tay) Its literally like even toddlers are dating now, why can’t I? I have to admit that I think that being a woman in her late 20’s (don’t ask me my age snoopy) and not being in a committed relationship or has never been in one is weird. My mom literally was living with my dad when she was 20 (with children). Times have changed.

My mother who has seen all there is to see and done all there is to do, looks at me and tells me not to rush it. I think she is crazy and should be super disappointed, but she sees me go through these awful relationships and it saddens her. Needless to say she is completely on board with my guy break.

I do feel like I have a disability though, not being able to keep a man as they say. I thought I was supposed to be myself in a relationship but maybe I need to be something else. I really don’t know at this point. Guys have a clear cardboard cutout of what they want, but I literally have no idea.

In conclusion I am a hot mess which I believe I have mentioned several times, it may be the one consistent theme throughout all this. Trying to work on myself and love me more. I want an awesome relationship but I’m having trouble passing the honeymoon stage. Maybe I need to be stranded on a desert island with a handsome stranger or stranded on a mountain top with Idris Elba. That’s how people fall in love… when they have no choice. (Please go see “The Mountain Between Us” if you have time. Very good film. I have two words for you; Idris and Elba.)

Golden Rule: Lets all figure out what we actually want.

Tips For Guys: Teach me your decisiveness because I literally don’t know what I want anymore.

Hard To Let Go

Hi Ladies, so things have been rough on me. My friends say I take these break ups too hard but that’s because I go into every relationship thinking this could be the one. Ummm so far it hasn’t. I find it super hard to believe that after speaking to me every day for 2 months someone can drop you like a hot potato (never liked that game anyway). So I need to forget about him and enjoy my “Guy Break”. As all of my friends in relationships complain about the things that their men do. I have nothing to complain about…. Other than the fact that I will spend eternity alone, but no big deal.

I have said it before but it’s hard for me to let go of stuff but this one I have to throw into the ocean just like Old Rose did with the Giant diamond at the end of Titanic. I mean if I was to message him, what would I even say?

  1. I miss you so much. Please be with me?
  2. I hate you and hope that you get really bad indigestion for 5 years.
  3. Are you seeing someone else because that’s not fair.

Yeah, so all of those are pathetic so I will continue with my silence.  I find that after a breakup, girls are usually sad and guys just move right along. Then like 3 months down the line is when they feel any sort of regret. By then most girls have moved on. I sincerely hope that’s the case for Picky Eater and I. Man, I gotta stop writing about this guy but I am literally scared to death to date anyone else.

I think about him so much and all the fun things we did. So many things remind me of him and yeah I hate him I think.

P.S. I saw Booty Call again. It’s still not a huge deal though.

Golden Rule: Never text a dude after a breakup, it comes off as pathetic…. I think.

Tips for Guys: Sorry, I’m on a guy break.

Over It… But Not Really.

I am trying to change my outlook on life because if you haven’t been reading, it’s kind of a train wreck. (Read “And So It Ends” to get caught up) I have decided to take a dating break. Surprise, Surprise right? I am going to focus on me. This doesn’t mean that things are going to get boring around here though. After my breakup, I gave booty call a call again. Yes I know, I’m weak.  It was great sex as usual but I don’t think it’s going to be a thing. I am literally over all guys past and present. I have decided to spend the holidays watching and adding every corny Christmas movie ever made to my Netflix queue.

( Watch “How Sarah Got Her Wings” when you get a chance)

I have tried to re-download Tinder but it literally gives me anxiety. So I have deleted it. I don’t have Bumble anymore either. I am literally not on any dating sites and am finally just waiting to meet someone in real life. I know… weird right?

I have of course have been creeping Picky Eater because I am not completely over it. I have noticed that a new girl started following him on Instagram and he followed her back. So naturally I assume he is seeing someone else. I also check his time stamps on WhatsApp like every 5 hours. I have been getting better as the WhatsApp checking has slowed down to once a week.

Today I deleted all his pics from my phone and his phone number is just a number no name. These are my lame steps to getting over a break up. Don’t follow them though, do what normal girls do and just go cold turkey. I find that it’s super hard for me to let go of things so I need to work on that.

I am also trying really hard not to go all Doctor Foster on Picky Eater. (If you haven’t seen Doctor Foster on Netflix you are tripping. It’s basically the new gone girl). See how much Netflix I watch? A quite unhealthy amount.

Golden Rule: Slowly but surely delete the Dumpee from your life and all will be well.

Tips for Guys: Watch Doctor Foster and see what happens when women get angry. JK… but not really.

And So It Ends

Girl tries Tinder for the first time. Guy talks to girl on Tinder first. Unsuspecting girl thinks, “ah, this is a nice guy”. Girl tells guy that she does not do hookups. Guy agrees and exclaims that he doesn’t either. Girl dates guy, girl thinks its going great. Girl overlooks all of guys flaws (and believe me there were a lot). Girl sleeps with guy because after a month of dating she somewhat thought it was a safe bet. Guy convinced girl that he cared based on his behavior. Guy started acting weird and texting got sporadic. Girl started feeling pushed away. Guy then gave girl an ultimatum because his life was just getting too busy to keep her in it (I’ve heard this one before). Girl realized that if a guy gives an ultimatum its usually a way to get out of a relationship. Girl doesn’t want to be with a guy who doesn’t want to be with her. Girl agrees to part ways.

Girl is single again. Woohooo, just in time for the holidays. Christmas dinner is going to be really fun.

The End.

Golden Rule: Don’t start dating a guy within 6-12 months of Christmas, so like never.

Tips for Guys: Just Don’t.

Chill Pill

Hi Ladies, Its been a rocky week for Picky Eater and I…. though Picky Eater has no idea anything is going on lol. Am I the only one who does this? I basically have entire arguments in my head about the crap that he does. To him though I play it cool because I don’t want to seem crazy. This week he took the disappearing act thing up a notch to a one word answer thing. Arggghhh. Drove me crazy all week. I literally started having all these self made crazy girl theories.

Theories;

  1. He is not interested anymore and is slowly winding me down to a subtle ghosting.
  2. He is talking to another girl, thus I am no longer a priority or interesting.
  3. He is an alien.
  4. He is secretly married with children. (that’s only half a theory as one half of that is true)
  5. He’s just super busy, and doesn’t have time to chit chat.

I think its definitely number 3 but what do I know.

I am so into him, attached and invested that the thought of him pulling away for any reason is literally giving me the shakes. I mean a cried multiple times this week. Lets also keep in mind that I am PMSing, so you know…. extra emotional.

Then I woke up this morning and I decided I don’t care anymore. I am going to give myself a bloody heart attack. Which is not the way I thought I would ever get a heart attack. I always thought it would be from those little egg mcmuffins from McDonald’s that I have had for breakfast every morning this week, or from extra butter on my movie theater popcorn.

So I have officially stopped caring, stopped stressing and is taking a huge Chill Pill. I have to learn that I can’t control everything…especially dudes and what’s going on in their heads. So welcome to the era of Zen. I am just going to hang out with my friends and be happy for the impending holiday season.

I did make a deal with him though that if at anytime either of us is just not feeling this anymore, we would be straight up with each other. He agreed… so lets see if he sticks to it. I know I will.

Being Single is hard but it helps if you are Zen.

Golden Rule: You can’t overdose on chill pills so take as many as you want.

Tips for Guys: One wording a girl drives her up the wall.

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