What are you looking for?

These are the 5 worst words to utter while online dating. As soon as you ask this question, the conversation either gets really weird or stops immediately. Man have I gotten some weird answers. I’ll have some great examples listed below.

I’ve also started dating someone y’all! I know me. We have been on like 4 dates and it’s going okay. It’s not anything spectacular and he is nothing like anyone I have ever dated. He has tats everywhere and a tongue piercing. Yup I said tongue piercing lol. I’ll let you know what thats all about in another post. I’m trying to feel him out to see if I actually like him. Let’s call him “Tongue Ring”.

Golden Rule: Date a guy with a tongue ring, things get interesting.

Tips For Guys: Date a girl with a tongue ring, everyone needs to have this experience.


Really Specific Things I Learned From Dating

  1. Never date someone with one profile picture. Like your other angles can’t be that bad.
  2. Never date a guy if J is the first letter of his name. Just don’t okay. Trust me.
  3. Never date a guy still in-love with his ex-girlfriend. Get all the details before going forward. Where she lives…is she close..is she prettier than you? (the basics lol)
  4. Never date a guy who constantly talks about other women being attractive right in front of you. Rude much!
  5. Never date a guy who has looked you in the eye and told you he will never commit. That one is self explanatory.
  6. Never date a guy whose name begins with a J, has two children and had his ex fiance cheat on him. They’re crazy.
  7. Never date a guy with a lower IQ than you. You really need to be able to have a conversation.
  8. Never date a guy who brings up sex after two hours of texting. Not Cool.
  9. Never date a guy who refers to a human woman as not a top priority. Does your boys or weed have sex with you? I think not!
  10. Never date a guy who refers to his car as “The Whip”. It’s just annoying.

Golden Rule: Read these rules and live by them. 

Tips for Dudes: The more horrible you are, the more we learn what we don’t want. But try not to be horrible. 

How Many Times Can Your Heart Be Broken?

Being single is rough and if you are in the right relationship be thankful. Just a quick update on me. Nothing really going on, barely dating… haven’t really found anyone worth it.  Works good, family is you know family. So life overall is good. I’m not ignorant to the fact that life could be worse but feeling super alone in whatever circumstance sucks. What does feeling alone make you do?

It makes you reach out to your past. It makes you start caring about people again. It makes you think, that maybe this person likes you. Hey, maybe he cares about your well being. In reality though, he doesn’t. Doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result is called insanity. I have blogged about moving forward a million times but what happens when something always pull you back.

What happens when you feel connected to someone who honestly doesn’t give a shit. Its hard to shake, but I have to shake it. How many times can one person break your heart? Umm maybe like 7, I counted. How can the opinion of one person make you feel so small and discouraged? Or the lack there of an opinion in this case.

I can’t wait to be in love and married to someone who values the person I am for what I am. When looking back at this, will just be a memory and not my reality.

No Golden Rule today and no advice. I need some advice on this one, even though I know what I have to do.

Feeling Shitty but looking to the future with a slither of hope. A really tiny slither but one none the less.


On To The Next One

Hello Ladies! I haven’t posted in a while and I apologize. I have been busy, but not in a relationship busy so don’t worry. Your girl is still single and V-day is still a problem.  It’s on Wednesday! Boooo! I am wondering if I can go through that entire day and just pretend that nothing’s happening? Yeah probably not.  I have too many friends that are loved up for that one. Instagram is probably going to be a barf fest but I digress.  I need to start loving love even though I am really bad at it and it doesn’t seem to love me back.

What have I been doing you might ask? Fighting with my insurance company, which takes a lot of energy I might add. We are debating Jasmine’s fate. (My Car) Other than that , I have been whining like a baby about being single and that no one likes me. That’s takes a lot of energy too. My friend at work whom I torture with my complaints (sorry girl) literally told me that I need to stop Back tracking. She said “Leave them all behind, and just say on to the next one.” And you know what she is right. When I backtrack nothing good ever comes of it, like ever.

This week I backtracked with Picky Eater a bit. I know! The horror, the shame! It doesn’t matter because nothing came of it. I literally wanted to be with him again and he literally said no, no progress was made at all. He is now in the dust.  (Another one bites the dust)

I am officially on to the next guy. No more wasting time. My biological clock is ticking! Is there a next guy you may ask? The answer is yes. I am not ready to unveil him to the world yet. I am keeping him hidden away like he’s the next iphone. The one that can finally cook you dinner and comes with a live robot of Siri. Yeah that definitely sounds like an episode of Black Mirror.

Being Single is hard when your biological clock is ticking so loud you can’t hear yourself think.

In the meantime please take a look at some of the really nice messages I have been getting on POF. There are some real charmers out there.

Golden Rule: Don’t look back, just move forward.

Tips For Guys: Leave your ex-girlfriends alone. Let them get over you.

bobbyCurvy or Busty

99 Problems and V-Day is one!

Hi Ladies, A lot of not very kind things have occurred in my life recently. But Hey! What’s new? Less than a week ago I was in a weather induced accident and totaled my 4 month old car. Her name was Jasmine and she was badass. R.I.P Jasmine.  I am of course grateful to have escaped this traumatic accident without a scratch, so maybe this isn’t one of my problems? IDK

Problem #2

I have been frequenting Booty Call again, and yes the sex is still life changing and yes he still doesn’t want a relationship. That’s my new year’s resolution down the drain before January is even over. What can I say… when I am heart broken, I get needy. We are so casual now that he literally texts other girls in front of me. I guess I can’t be mad because he is aware that I am on a constant husband hunt, but still. I try not to do it in front of him out of politeness. Not the case for him. Our relationship or hook up or whatever, has evolved into a strange friend booty call thing. Let’s call it FBC. I would say friends with benefits but I like to be original.

Problem #3

So I decided to make up with all my exes this year. I told dude who dumped me two days before Christmas that we were cool. I told Picky Eater that we should be friends. Even unblocked Hunting Cap. I have no idea why I did this but I just wanted to try and move on. Picky Eater disappointed me the most because we started off great and then right in the middle of a Walking Dead convo, he just ghosted me. Like dang haven’t the Grimes family been through enough, must you ghost a convo about them too? So I’m not really sure if this was a problem or just complaint.

Problem #4

Valentine’s Day!

Oh Lord! This day is going to be harsh this year. All my close friends are all loved up and will definitely have plans. I really want to go see the new fifty shades movie but all my friends will most likely be busy. I will just have to settle for taking my mom. My mom is super fun anyway and will pay for all the Movie Theater food for sure. If you go with a date there is always a 50% chance that you have to grab the tab.

Once again, I will have no one to call my own. I tried so hard to have a guy for V-day but life shakes out differently. If I get one nice text from a guy, I would be happy. Should I just take myself to a nice fancy dinner and be my own Valentine. Is that a thing? Can I do that? Should I get Cupids permission?

Either way I’ll be chilling alone.

Golden Rule: Try to leave the country for Valentine’s Day every year. Trust me it would be worth it.

Tips for dudes: Text at least one of your special ladies on V-day. It makes them feel loved or atleast strongly liked.

Was I A Thief In Another Life?

Hi Ladies! I wish that I made up some of the stuff that I go through, but I honestly don’t. I’m Christian but sometimes I feel like there is some dating god or deity who is punishing me for something I did in a past life. Let’s call her the “Goddess of Shit”… I just feel like only a woman can inflict this much crap on another lol. Like what did I do to deserve this bullshit? I am pretty average looking and am not crazy (I think). That should at least get me a mediocre dude right? Nope.

Remember that guy that dumped me 2 days before Christmas who I said I would never discuss again? (See Sweet Nothings to get caught up). He contacted me via Facebook to let me know that he has read my blog! Dun Dun Duuuun! Like WTF? How did he find it? Can I be mad, as this is a public forum? Literally, I don’t care that he did. I do care however that he now gets to see how shit my dating life has been since him, while he is riding some magical love wave with the girl that was better than me. Man that sucked! He also said he was sorry once again, and I literally shut down. I can’t talk to this dude, I immediately re-live the moment he dumped me whenever I see his picture. I think that’s called Trauma… should I see a therapist? Kidding, I’m 75% over it. Phew, it only took a whole year.

Then on Tinder, I started talking to an older gentleman who I thought maybe would be a nice change from the normal guys I’ve spoken to. However I am just so fearful to try dating again that I am super skeptical about everything. I’ve mentioned this before but whenever I am on Tinder I literally hear that song from Kill Bill that Uma Thurman hears whenever she saw someone who was apart of her death list. (watch Kill Bill… literally the best movie ever made)

I saw hunting cap on Tinder as well, which was a bit amusing.  He saw Fifty Shades Darker with me last Valentine’s day. Maybe I should ask him to see this new one with me too?  He really liked that movie for obvious reasons. (See And his name was “Hunting Cap” )

Being Single Is Hard when guys you dated are super happy while you ride the singles train.

On the bright side, the really sweet Tinder messages keep pouring in. I mean how can I resist this guy?

Golden Rule: Leave me alone Goddess of Shit!

Tips for Guys: Watch the Fifty Shades movie with your special girl, she really wants you to.


Tinder Boomerang

So sooner than expected but I am back on Tinder. Not seriously just browsing. I completely missed guys saying really vile things to me and ghosting me. Damn I missed it soooo much. Why do we do this to ourselves? Anyway just wanted to update you guys.  I just watched this Black Mirror episode about dating and it actually made me believe in love again. Like somehow I can still do this and maybe find someone.

Listed below is just one of the really nice messages I’ve received.

Being single is hard when you have to resort back to Tinder.

Golden Rule: Try and believe in love again.

Tips For Guys: Don’t be like Bobby.


Lets Do This 2018

Its kinda liberating being single and not caring. It feels good. No prospective lovers, no one you have to answer to. Not gonna lie, I kinda like it. I’m a free woman. My future is vast and potentially exciting. I am keeping myself busy enough and leaving all the guys that hurt me in 2017 where they belong.

That’s it for now. I have a story to tell you guys about a guy I met that works at the Chinese restaurant, but that’s for another time. For now let’s just be freeeeeee.

Strangely Optimistic

Merry Christmas everyone and Happy New Year when it comes! Christmas has been busy. My Grandpa is here to visit for a month from the sunny island of Jamaica. Like why would he come to Canada right? Who knows? He’s crazy?

Also my cousin was visiting from NYC for a few days. So I had a full house and lots of family responsibilities. This really helped with not thinking about all the losers who made 2017 kinda suck. I am currently sincerely honoring my guy break. No texting any guys, no dating websites. I am still stalking a little bit but boredom is to blame. Like for instance, the guy that dumped me two days before Christmas last year just celebrated his one year anniversary with the girl he dumped me for. Yes that’s just math and I figured they would be celebrating. But damn that just sunk in that I have been upset about this for a whole year. Thus this is the last time I will bring him up. (Unless he messages me wanting to get back together, which will never happen….kinda hoping it would though).

Anyway, my cousin from NYC told me that if I was living there, I would definitely already be with someone long term. So as of now I am seriously considering moving to NYC.  At Christmas dinner I got the regular “Why aren’t you married yet?” “You are running out of time!” “Don’t you want children?” I turned it into a drinking game though.  So every time someone asked me about my relationship status or about children, I had a large gulp of my wine. So Christmas was actually lit because I was wasted.  Also one of my family members offered to hook me up with someone in Church. I thought that was interesting…… I’ll let you guys know how that goes. lol

I am officially looking forward to the New Year. I really want to leave all my ex’s in 2017. Guys have a way of always coming back though. I will ignore them because I want a clean slate. Dating will resume in a month or so. I am going to try better dating websites. Maybe even paid ones, which I said I would never do because love is supposed to be free. Not according to Match.com though.

So here I go again into another year still single but strangely optimistic.  Going into 2018 with a positive outlook but I won’t expect too much. lol

Golden Rule:  Leave the past in the past.

Tips for Guys:  Once you break up with a girl let her be.

Did Picky Eater Break My Heart?

Guys I don’t know what it is about this one but it really hurt. I think he broke my heart. I wasn’t even sure I had a heart until this dude just broke it. I feel like shit all the time. My self-esteem is way down. I all of a sudden think that no one wants to be with me.  He really sucks…. Like a lot.  I thought I would take a risk on a single dad and like no offense to single dads but he ruined it for all of you.

I can’t figure out how you go from being a somewhat important person in someone’s life to a stranger in a day. It’s like he just turned a light switch off and I no longer existed. The reason why he doesn’t want to be with me doesn’t really make sense to me. I can’t help feeling that there is something else or most likely someone else.

Look it’s not like I can’t jump on Tinder and have another guy by tomorrow. It’s literally like I don’t want to and I don’t trust anyone anymore.  It’s not like Booty Call isn’t around anymore, because he is. I know I can call him when I need some male affection but I just thought that maybe I had found a serious guy who wanted to settle down.

I was wrong yet again. I’m broken ya’ll. I need to be fixed. He dumped me well before Christmas… but here I am dragging my break up into the holiday season.

Golden Rule: Girls can be wrong…. so so wrong.

Tips for guys: No tip just a question… Is there like formal training on how to break hearts?