So I hope your summer’s are going better than mine because I am annoyed AF. “Hunting Cap” decided that I should be his girlfriend again. He broke up with his girlfriend and within 4 days wanted to replace her with me. He called her “crazy” and outrageous. There was one particular issue that broke this couple and they were unable to recover.
Hunting Cap shared with me that his horrible ex-girlfriend yelled at him for tipping a waiter $2.00. So I wasn’t there or anything and I really shouldn’t pass any judgement but I am about to pass some judgement. I am judge Judy right now, I’m about to drop some restaurant etiquette on you.
Nothing that you order from any respectable restaurant in a metropolitan area would warrant at $2.00 tip. I mean even if a waiter spilled my drink all over me and then spat in my replacement drink would I tip the waiter $2.00. That is just not how society works. It just makes you look like a cheap ass. Plus if the waiter is hot, a little spittle might count as some action. Sorry this is just the way I think as I am single. Too gross? Oh well. Anyway I digress.
I promptly turned him down as I am no one’s second choice. Plus nothing has really changed; I mean this guy is capable of ignoring me for a full 24-48 hour period on his birthday. Needless to say, he’s cray. (See And His Name Was Hunting Cap post if you need to be brought up to speed or Ghost of Ex-Boyfriend’s Past Pt. 1 or 2. Yeah this guy is a nightmare.)I told him we are currently just friends. This doesn’t stop him from calling me every night at around 12:30 AM to just catch me up on his lack luster days. I feel like a douche-bag ignoring his calls and date proposals but I really don’t want to go down this road.
Why am I not happily skipping into a relationship with a guy that actually wants to be in a relationship you may ask?
The answer is… Booty Call is back and I am thoroughly distracted. I can’t focus on two guys at once because I have a very short attention span. How guys juggle millions of girls is a mystery. Hey, so I get it if you rolled your eyes and is thoroughly upset with me. I will lay it all out in an impending blog post. Stay tuned to find out how a guy that said he wasn’t attracted to me throughout our lengthy tryst, ended up back in my life and I back in his bed. It’s a roller coaster and I wouldn’t miss it if I were you.
Golden Rule: Some Ex’s are just not worth it.
Tips for Guys: Never tip a waiter $2.00. If you are going through hard times, just eat at home. Its way less embarrassing.
So, I’m not trying to throw shade at all with this one. My friends know I am so happy for them and their significant others. I mean I love when my friends are happy and getting laid on the regular. That’s quite important. Where my friends with boyfriends become a problem is when we all decide to go out for dinner, as a huge group with everyone. It’s like the whole Grease gang gets together, Sandy, Danny, Rizzo, Kenickie,Frenchie, Putzie that other weird girl and then that one nerd who can’t get a date. That’s meeeee. So obviously I can bring a random, but I don’t want my date and I to be on a lower level in terms of intimacy.
Like all my friends are all comfortably loved up with their BF’s you know.
I just have to remind myself that I am an adult, university educated woman who can handle being a 7th wheel. The part that sucks is like when the server comes over and their not really paying attention as to who is obviously coupled up and who isn’t. So they innocently ask…. Are the bills together or separate? And so of course all your friends’ boyfriends with their manly voices speak up and say “I’m paying for her”. So then the waiter looks down the line………… and then there was one. I’ve got to get that debit machine and pay for my own food while all my girlfriends get a free meal and some action at the end of the night. The most action I’ll be getting is maybe a little flirtation from the server. Please let it be a guy preferably 6’0, please let him be cute.
Whatever, I’ll get over it and I absolutely can’t skip this dinner. This is just another reason why Being Single is Hard!
So remember how I said I was going to be on a ton of hot dates. Well this is as hot as its getting this summer. Please see photographic evidence below of my pathetic dating app life.
Golden Rule: Try to get a boyfriend when all your friends do… timing is everything.
Tips For Guys: Behave yourselves so that I can make you my boyfriend and go out for huge group dates. I also want to be the coolest couple there so we’ve got work to do.
Hey Guys! Happy summer! Yes its summer time. Time for hot hookups and meaningless flings. Time to put those booties on display in the shortest short shorts you can find. Am I doing that though? Nope, I am still sniffling and still a bit Effed up from recent events. (See my blog “Insincere”). My summer clothes and but cheeks are super mad at me. However guys, my Mo-Jo is coming back and I am slowly emerging from my pity party. I am back to my online dating ways and it is fun. It is uplifting. One guy
sang to me… yes sang!
Here I was thinking I wasn’t attractive and then a guy took one glance at my moderately slutty pictures on a dating app and literally sang. I think that maybe made my life, as I have never been serenaded before. Too bad he isn’t interesting at all and is as engaging as a turtle slowing making its way back to the ocean. Man I wish he was the one… I mean he sang! Please see photographic evidence below. Like who knew you could even leave voice notes?
Anyways, I just wanted to lay out some tips on how to get your Mo-Jo back after being emotionally demolished.
Quit him Cold Turkey – Seriously avoid him and all things him. I got him off my Facebook and I avoid him like the plague on my dating app. Yes he is still on there, openly courting while I freak every time I see his profile, but let’s focus here. You will have slip ups but just remind yourself that this guy doesn’t want you and cringes at the memory of your face. (that usually works for me) Poof the urge to text him magically disappears.
Go out with friends – Rekindle your friendships; go out and have a good time. You can laugh and forget about him for a few moments. You might even catch the attention of another guy.
Talk to other guys – No it’s not too soon. You will figure out that there are plenty of hotter, nicer guys out there who can probably please you sexually too. I’m not going to push it because Booty Call was pretty good in the sex department; but I think meeting a gentleman who actually cares about you, may make the sex more intimate and in the end….. better, way better.
That’s all I got for now because I am still hurting but I will keep you posted on any fun dates I go on. My summer of hot dates are about to begin. Yay!
Golden Rule: You can get your Mo-Jo back, I promise!
Tips for Guys: When a girl is in booty shorts try to look at her face too. I know, its hard.