We Are Not Perfect

Hi Ladies,

I just wanted to let you guys know that no relationship is perfect. Brad and I have been having this on-going issue, involving another girl outside of our relationship. Now when I met Brad he came encompassed with all these young, female (some single, some not) friends. Like most girls who start a new relationship I was not comfortable.

Brad has made profound improvements in this regard. He really tries to stay clear of anything that makes me uncomfortable or any interactions that he knows will make me feel not great. However, lol. One still remains.

There is a particular friend whom we have had controversies with concerning some interactions. Stuff that any girl would feel weird about or not appreciate. The problem is that with this particular human, Brad doesn’t really agree that some things were inappropriate.

When he is with this particular individual something else happens. His phone is a deadzone lol. So say I’m chatting away, just telling him usual stuff, expecting a response. Maybe not right away but like within a reasonable time. I’ll either get no response or like weird half answers. So Ofcourse I didn’t feel great about that. And I would notice it most with this particular girl. Like I would just feel the distance.

I have discussed this with Brad and since then have seen major improvements. He has had to actively try to stay attentive when this person is around. Which makes me feel eeeeeeeek. He says it’s because they don’t get to see each other that much so when they do, they have lots to say. I also basically just need to accept this as I do get quite upset every time it happens. Shouldn’t I be use to this by now?

In the most recent incident she asked Brad something that had somewhat to do with me. And like it just feels like my feelings were not considered you know. It just felt like this thing was only about her. And it sucked. After the fact Brad and I discussed but there is like no going back on this thing. Also I would think if it was between me being upset and her being upset. Mine would be more crucial or important but I felt like that wasn’t the case.

This is the one thing that hasn’t really changed much in almost two years. There is no shaking her. And I feel terrible for being that girlfriend that steps in the way of friendships. My fear is that there may be something more than friendship happening there but Brad vehemently disagrees. I feel like freakin Darth Vader every time I bring it up.

Because Ofcourse she’s like a happy little fairy girl. Who doesn’t like that right? While I’m an overthinking, intellectual adult who still allows a fairy girl to make me feel like shit.

Naturally in these scenarios where someone else has your boyfriends attention, you start to over analyze and compare. And comparison is never good. I compact every interaction they have ever had into a little box. And every time she’s brought up, I open this little box and all the uncomfortable feelings seep out. Kinda like in that movie the ring where like that dead girls hair just like comes out of no where and stifles you. Super similar to that.

Brad Ofcourse hates that I do this. Because he literally doesn’t remember anything that has happened with this person past last Tuesday. Is that like a guy thing?

So anyway, this is my dilemma. This problem is not going anywhere as he has to see this person on a semi-regular basis. Some aspects of this situation does make me feel insecure. The usual questions. Am I not interesting enough? Not pretty enough? Not fairy like enough?

Because intrinsically that’s what happens. I don’t feel like enough. I should be so enough that no other human can do this. As no other human does this to me in regards to Brad. But that’s just it. Brad and I are different and see things differently.

So then I’ll think like maybe I’m just being too sensitive or maybe a bit over critical. But then I bring up specific scenarios with my friends and even my MOM. And my mom would say, “hmmmmm something doesn’t seem right with this girl.”

So that’s the dilemma. I have no advice this week but I sure need some.

Paradox

Hi Ladies,

It’s been a while. I haven’t been writing that much, and its not that nothing is happening in my life. Its actually exactly the opposite, so much is happening. Things are happening at work, things are in the works for buying a house with Brad and things are happening in my now almost two year relationship.

Look at me being in a relationship for almost two years. Of-course we all know this is a learning curve for me, especially with my track record of ex boyfriends. There are so many new and interesting discussions that Brad and I have that I have never even thought of talking to another human about.

Like for one, we argue about my faith a lot and his lack thereof. Brad does not believe in God, he believes in science. I don’t think the two oppose or disproves each other, I am one of those weirdos who think they go hand in hand. (Like Darwin, he was a devout Christian, look it up!)

Needless to say we have had some pretty heated arguments about this. We debate on what religion our children would be. That would be an example of one of those conversations I never thought I would have. In the end we just have to agree to disagree as we are both pretty firm on our points.

The next thing that has come up in our relationship is SEX. If you have been with me from the start you know the nature of some of my past relationships. They were primarily just sex. And now my relationship is so much more than sex and I super have to adjust to that. I need to not treat Brad like a piece of meat, which I do sometimes. Man, being in a relationship has a huge learning curve.

Here’s the bit I have been having to learn the most. Being happy on my own and not being reliant on Brad for happiness. He has actually expressed this to me many times. Here is where I struggle ladies. I have a great job, I am sexy, I am smart but I also absolutely thought your relationship was where you put all your emotional energies. Like I still, at this point, want to be with Brad all the time. As life would have it, he is the total opposite. He doesn’t want to see me all the time, or he can manage without it. I’m not so good at managing that.

I equate happiness as being in a happy relationship but Brad says that’s not the case. So I have been on my quest for happiness outside of my relationship. Life is hard sometimes, so that’s kind of tricky but I am determined on finding it.

Brad is literally always happy, he’s like Will Ferrel in Elf. Where as I’m the Grinch. so needless to say, I have some cheering up to do.

Have I mentioned that every other person that I know has become engaged in the last month. Every time I see an engagement ring on social media and literally hear my eggs crying out to me. The biological clock is no lie, but I think only women can hear it ticking away.

Those are the major updates. I am adjusting to life in a serious relationship which should also not be my only source of JOY. What a paradox eh?

Golden Rule: Find your own happiness.

Tips for Guys: If everyone is getting engaged, maybe you should too? or is that too jump off a cliffy? (I just made that word up)