Tag Archives: love

Not A Fan

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Hello Ladies!

Not gonna lie, some days are hard. My position in the world keeps changing and evolving. I am moving away from the girlfriend stage to the wife stage. I am migrating from the condo owner stage to the home owner stage and with so much going on, I am just finding so many things I am not a fan of.

Please see below;

  1. People who allow their phones to die, I know it happens but as an adult you gotta keep that thing charged.
  2. All the big decisions that need to be made when life really starts rolling.
  3. Crazy corporate cultures that you have to endure to like pay for your life.
  4. Racial Injustice.
  5. Squirrels that don’t run away when you are walking towards them.
  6. People who talk non stop on a plane – like seriously shut up, someone is trying to get some sleep.
  7. Ungrateful and selfish people – I mean pick a lane but don’t be both.
  8. People who don’t like Coldplay – not sure what your issue is.
  9. When you ask for no pickles on a burger – but then it comes and you kinda wish you had some pickles.
  10. People who stare at you for too long. If I am looking at you looking at me, you are looking too long.

Phew, I just had to get that off my chest.

Thanks for reading!

Miss Me?

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Hello Ladies & Gents!

My Goodness, hasn’t it been a while? Am I retired? Did I win the lottery? Am I having a mid-life crisis? At least one of those are true. It has been a very long time and there is so much to catch you up on. I mean there was a whole pandemic, which we touched base on but man so many things changed. First of all, the most important and amazing thing happening in my life right now is that I am engaged! Yup I said it! I fooled someone into loving me lol, just kidding. It was just lots of love and hard work that got us here and yes I am engaged to Brad!

Now that we got the big announcement out of the way, I can tell you how to rest of life is going. Well for starters, I am living in one of the most expensive cities in the world and as a home owner we are feeling the crunch. Honestly, Brad and I are in a good spot and are lucky we got into the market when we did but we are realizing how hard adulting is. Half the time we can’t do the things we want to do because we have to save money for the things that we are supposed to do. Like stuff for the house and groceries. Like I totally cook 80% of my meals which is new and different for me. Life is lifing right now (I made up a word).

I also girl bossed a little too much and have landed me a role with a lot of responsibility. All of this responsibility sometimes crushes me and I wish I could go back to being like 18 and listening to the new Lindsay Lohan album, but nah too late. Life is so different now and it happens so quickly. Do you remember all the things your girl did over the course of this blog? She is just a working fiancé now, making safe choices for her future. How did I get here?

Am I constantly looking for meaning and fulfillment in my life? Yes. My job is just a job, its not anything that I aspire to or anything. This fact is like slowly killing me as I always saw myself doing something that added meaning to the world. Well the good news is, there is still time. I can still move to a small town an start a new life and who knows? I just might do that. Other than that, there is nothing too exciting happening, just planning a WEDDING! We will get into my adventures of wedding planning another time. Let’s just say I am learning a lot!

All in all – life is grand and crazy. I am also at the age where I am realizing that people are the worst – of course there are kind and loving people out there but man will people blind side and hurt you. I know this is a weird note to end this on but this is my major finding over the past year. So much of life is yet to come and I can’t wait to bring you all along for the ride!

I’m back baby!

Golden Rule: Take a slight hiatus from the thing you love most – when you return, it’s spectacular.

The Ghosts Of Relationships Past

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Hey Ladies!

Have you ever wondered how much emotional baggage we carry from one relationship to another? I have seen countless female comedians discuss this, describing it as a big Santa sized sack that we drag on our backs. Waiting for the right time to open it in our new relationships.

If you have been a long time follower and reader I thank you and I am glad you are still here. But remember when my dating life was super crazy? Remember the Christmas Dumper or the guy that bought me a hunting hat for my birthday? A hunting hat! I get upset just thinking about that guy. I wonder though how much of all that past trauma does Brad have to deal with and visa versa?

Also ladies, I am not saying that this is just us. Guys have baggage too, they have to lol. They just hide it better or they throw it all in the bin as soon as they meet the new girl. Wouldn’t that be nice ladies? If we could actually not remember and hold on to every little thing and actually throw things in the bin? Speaking from experience, I know first hand how women think and how we remember everything! And I mean everything.

But what if we didn’t remember every little thing? What if we just left the appropriate amount of trauma and scenarios behind? What would we be like then? Imagine a powerful woman, unencumbered by the ghosts of her past relationships?

I have been with Brad for almost 4 years now and I would like to think that everything in the past was just erased, but I know deep down its not. The only thing that I thought could erase negative experiences in past relationships was time, but that’s not true.

We can consciously make a decision to not let the past affect use. Leave losers and past relationships in the past where they belong. Would we all just become superwomen if we did that? Think about all the brain space we would free up to contemplate the meaning of life? LOL

Lets work on it, I know I will.

Golden Rule: Leave the past in the past and only live in the now.

Adulting 101

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Hey Ladies and Gents!

It has been a minute! I have literally not had the time to write or more importantly did not feel inspired to for quite some time. In an effort to get back to my old self, here I am! Writing again.

There has been so many changes in my life that my head is spinning. This year has taken me to places that I always wanted to go, but never quite made it to. For starters Brad and I bought a condo and it is beautiful, at least in my opinion but I am biased. I am in a new stable job which I consider a good step in my day job. Office politics however seems to be insanely rampant but I am at the stage in my life where I want to focus on all the good things. All the things in life that actually matter, like love and family and joy. I know I sound corny but I am old now. I am 31, hold crap… call an ambulance. As you get older you actually do get wiser like the old people use to say. I am now one of those old people.

I digress lol. I have my own home for me to decorate and cook in (rarely). I am at the stage in my life where I am looking forward to having a family and is actually enjoying just living a cozy simple life. I went through all the right steps with my mom as to not leave her in a bad spot. She’s is happy for me and basically comes over all the time now. She is my road map for what a strong woman should look like. I am now just emulating her in everything that I do in my own home and with my own 2 person family. My mother is endlessly giving and has a such a big heart. I can only aspire to be as open to people as she is. I am pretty open and giving but I do not take likely to people taking advantage of that quality. See this is the wiser thing I was talking about earlier. I am older now and is taking the least amount of shit from people for the first time in my life.

I am learning how to be a life partner and how to cohabitate with another human whom, I am not related to. It’s tough sometimes but over all pretty fun. It’s like having a sleepover that never ends. This is definitely a new chapter in my life where I am not single. Who knew we would ever get here? Not only am I not single, I am literally living with a boy lol. This pretty much betrays the title of my blog, but I am not changing it because it’s still true. Being single is hard and being an adult is even harder.

I will be filling you all in and any juicey stories that come my way and am happy to share this new chapter with you all.

Golden Rule: Buy an Insta Pot and an Air Fryer as soon as you buy a home, you’ll thank me later.

Light At The End Of The Tunnel

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Hi Folks!

It has been a while! I have so much to catch you up on. I was just re-reading my last post and comparing where I was a year ago to right now. We are coming to the end of the pandemic, at-least here in Canada. More and more people are getting vaccinated and life seems like it’s going to get back to normal.

I have since found a new job which I really like and I work from home which is pretty amazing. I get to really enjoy my workspace because it’s actually my bedroom. I really am starting to feel like all the chips that were up in the air for much of 2020 are starting to fall and they are falling in the right places.

I know what you wanna ask! How’s Brad doing? He is doing absolutely fine. We made it through all the turmoil of the pandemic and is actually in a sweet spot. We are looking to make a big move which I won’t mention until it’s all done. But when it’s all done, you’ll know! LOL

I have been watching a lot of episodes of this show called couples therapy, which definitely feels a lot like individual therapy. Like everything these couples think is wrong with their relationships is just stemming from like personal trauma. I mean I always knew that but this shows makes me like really know that. Definitely give this show a watch when you have a chance. It’s definitely giving me some new perspectives on relationships and how to handle issues that arise.

I find couples usually fall into the same ruts or have the same fights but watching this show helps me to see all the work arounds. Anyways enough about this show, I mean I should be getting paid for all the marketing I’m doing. You’re welcome HBO, I’m expecting a check in the mail any day now.

Anyway, just wanted to say I’m feeling good. I’m feeling positive. I’m on like a personal purge at the moment where I am just like weeding out all the negative vibes from my life. It’s been really great. Like anything that does not bring me pleasure or adds positivity to my life is just not being focused on. It feels awesome. I feel like it’s time to progress and this is the way to do it.

I hope all the things I have said, affects you guys in a positive way. I hope my light at the end of the tunnel helps you find yours if you are looking for one!

Golden Rule: Positive Vibes Only Really Helps With Like Everything.

Tips For Guys: Watch Couples Therapy With Your Girl! It’s gonna help!

Just Once

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Hello Ladies,

I know it’s been quite a while since I wrote anything. And it’s not for lack of free time, it’s just that basically nothing is happening to me that is worth writing about. At least I thought there wasn’t. I do feel the need to update you guys though as it’s been a rough week.

So has anyone dated a Capricorn before because I can’t figure him out. Yes, I’m still with Brad and man has this pandemic been hitting us hard. We don’t live together yet and our parents are always home due to the restrictions. So we basically have no private time together and it’s slowly killing me. Brad, not so much. He is a man of many interests and sometimes I question how high I am on that list.

I have been feeling shitty lately about how I perceive I’m being treated in this relationship. I also would like to say that this whole past week, I was on my period which makes everything feel extra intense. But some of the issues that came up this week were things discussed before. So I’m not going to just blame it all on Mother Nature.

During this pandemic, I haven’t really seen my friends much because they live a little ways away. I have been trying to keep my bubble very small and that includes Brad. He’s been kind of like my only friend throughout this whole thing but maybe that’s a mistake. I can’t do that because he loves to be busy with his hobbies and to be un-disturbed. Also according to him, binge watching shows isn’t a hobby, so basically I have gotta go find one.

While we are going through our tough times, I have started to reflect on past relationships. And if you have been following me from the beginning, you know how those turned out. I have just been thinking about how I have been treated by guys over the past like 5 years which is when I seriously started dating. If you have been a fan you know it wasn’t good. And we watch TV and see couples that are so in love or you know newly weds and things like that, you can’t help but to compare your relationship to theirs.

Just once, I’d like to be the girl that someone can’t live without. Just once I’d like to be someone’s go to person. Over the past few weeks, I have been wondering if those feelings even still happen? This is my 30th year of life. Not only am I dealing with a personal crisis, I am also dealing with a world wide crisis. Why did I have to be born in 1990?! Like we have witnessed a lot. Like a lot a lot.

Anyway, my friends from New York, my sisters heck even my friends here in Canada keeps asking me; when will I be engaged. And that question is crazy to me because it’s basically asking someone, when do they think their significant other will propose. The answer is I don’t know. But I have been thinking, maybe to this person I’m not like the girl he engages. Maybe there is no fear of losing me, no like urgency. Just once, can I be the girl guys feel urgent about? I guess that’s just wishful thinking.

So that’s the update. Things are rough. I am determined to change and not depend on anyone else. I honestly have to figure out how to love being alone. I am away from my friends and my boyfriend is occupied. I need to be content in my own little Corona bubble.

So in other words, I think I’m depressed. Just kidding……. but maybe not?

Let me know how things are going for your relationships.

What’s My Calling?

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Hi Folks,

It’s been a while…..just trying to hang in there with all the craziness going on. With all that said, I have been trying to be purposeful this year in all my actions. I have been trying to make this year mean something positive amongst all this negative.

I have started doing some mindfulness exercises and while I’m doing them I feel like my mind is trying to take me somewhere. And no, it’s not to sleep. Lol

I have been trying to figure out lately what my calling is. What am I best at? How do I find this out? So I haven’t exactly googled it yet…… because that’s pretty much how we figure everything out these days. But how do I figure this out naturally in real life?

I grew up watching shows about women and men being excellent at something. Macgyver was good at macgyvering. Buffy was good at slaying. Xena was good at kicking ass and making it look easy. I have got to figure out what my genius is.

What is my zainy, quirky thing that I should be sharing with the world? Is it writing? Is it singing? Is it helping people? There are endless possibilities and I have to figure it out.

If you have been with me since the start of my relationship journey, you will know that I have come a long way! This blog has evolved and changed so much. I am immensely proud of it and the person I have become.

What’s your purpose? And how did you figure it out?

Golden Rule: Use the Mindfulness section if you have a Fitbit. It’s amazing…. you won’t regret it!

Are We Making Progress?

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Hi Guys!

So this week, Brad and I went to the cottage to “getaway” from it all. While we were there, the Jacob Blake story broke and was all over the news. I don’t usually get political on my blog but there are just so many things wrong with 2020 that, I’m not even sure how to move forward. Or is this what progress looks like?

People being called out for being this or being that? Is that what progress is? Racial injustices being filmed; some cases being resolved, while others will never see justice. Is this progress? I honestly can’t tell. I guess we won’t know until 10 years from now. Maybe we can’t see progress while it’s happening. I’m sure in the middle of famous wars or battles they also felt like, it would never end and had moments where they wondered if this fight was even worth fighting. I guess it is.

It’s hard to be happy in a relationship when you aren’t happy by yourself. This year has been one of the hardest of my life. I don’t think I have ever faced so much uncertainty as a professional but also as a woman of color. Being in a constant state of worry, does have nasty side effects on being in a loving relationship.

I was horribly affected by the pandemic while Brad wasn’t. So in this scenario he does feel like he needs to be the strong one, the happy one, the together one. But I’m realizing that what’s happening around us is affecting us. We should try not to make it manifest into a monster but we should acknowledge that this year is unlike any other. It is affecting us. In a few years we will be able to see just how much it has changed the world.

Let’s hope that we do in fact see progress.

Be safe everyone and try to stay positive.

The Relevance Of Routine

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Hi Guys,

In my last blog I referenced an episode of “Coronavirus, Explained” on Netflix. If you have watched it then great! If not please refer to my last blog “Coping Mechanism” and then watch it, in that order (hehehe). For those of us who have watched it and is now using all the coping mechanism, I commend you.

Just yesterday I was reading all my earlier blogs and I have realized how my blog has evolved over the years. It was at first about dating and the difficulties of associating with douche bags for lack of a better term. Now I am happily in a stable relationship with someone whom I actually see a future with. Yet, this pandemic, our feelings of isolation and global circumstances around it has taken over. I do apologize for all this content and do wish there was way more Juicier content to share. The most exciting thing Brad and I have been doing is a Marvel Movie Marathon, but by all means please let me know if you would like me to brief you on those. We are also going to the cottage again soon, so that’s always amazing.

I have stability in my love life which is great with everything else being upside down. Literally everyday now I try to have a routine for myself. I look for jobs for about 2 hours, which is honestly the most stressful part of my day. I try to incorporate a walk so I can get my steps in and then I try to give my day some kind of purpose.

This week I had a Handmaid’s Tale Day which was super intense but rewarding at the end. I am not going to lie, Handmaid’s tale makes me feel all kinds of feelings. I actually cried watching the season 3 finale. No spoilers but WOW. That’s all I will say.

I am going to try to give myself a purpose each day. Also lets keep in mind that I have been in quarantine since March and I am just now actually upholding to some kind of routine. So don’t feel bad if you haven’t found your groove yet Stella! (That’s a movie reference, let me know if you get it)

Anyway, just letting you know this has been helping me. I also love to sing and I love to write. So I am actively trying to write more blogs. So here you are apart of my routine!

Golden Rule: Find the routine that works for you and make it fun!

The Handmaid's Tale': TV's Most Chilling Trump-Era Series ...

Coping Mechanisms

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Hi Guys,

So I watched a super interesting episode of explained yesterday on Netflix and I definitely wanted to share this with you. Some people I know watch the show Explained on Netflix and many people I know don’t. To those people I say why?! Do you not want to know the whats what on racism, the stock market, sex, and a plethora of other subjects. It is literally 30 minutes of pure information and pure fire. Should I be on the Netflix marketing team?

Anyway, the episode in question is about coping through all the stressors that this pandemic has caused. So this particular explained series is called “Coronavirus, Explained” and all the episodes are based on one aspect of how this Pandemic has changed our lives. I think everyone and I mean everyone should watch it. It just allows you to understand on a greater platform, what is actually taking place and how everyone on the planet is facing the same exact circumstances.

I won’t share any spoilers but I do want to touch on a few things. Over the past few months, I have been laid off and have had to struggle with major uncertainty in my life. With that being said; I have had trouble sleeping, I watch the news or is attached to some social media outlet constantly, I have anxiety and I have an overall feeling of isolation. Does any of this sound familiar? I mean most people all over the world is struggling with all the same things but knowing everyone is going through it as well, doesn’t really help me cope. What helps me cope is knowing what helps them cope, which is exactly what this episode explored.

I won’t tell you what those coping mechanisms are because I want you to watch the episode. What a tease I am right? What I will tell you is that it’s narrated by Idris Elba and like who doesn’t want to hear him talk for 30 minutes? You’re Welcome.

Golden Rule: Just take a few deep breaths and everything will eventually shift into its rightful place.