The Ghosts Of Relationships Past

Hey Ladies!

Have you ever wondered how much emotional baggage we carry from one relationship to another? I have seen countless female comedians discuss this, describing it as a big Santa sized sack that we drag on our backs. Waiting for the right time to open it in our new relationships.

If you have been a long time follower and reader I thank you and I am glad you are still here. But remember when my dating life was super crazy? Remember the Christmas Dumper or the guy that bought me a hunting hat for my birthday? A hunting hat! I get upset just thinking about that guy. I wonder though how much of all that past trauma does Brad have to deal with and visa versa?

Also ladies, I am not saying that this is just us. Guys have baggage too, they have to lol. They just hide it better or they throw it all in the bin as soon as they meet the new girl. Wouldn’t that be nice ladies? If we could actually not remember and hold on to every little thing and actually throw things in the bin? Speaking from experience, I know first hand how women think and how we remember everything! And I mean everything.

But what if we didn’t remember every little thing? What if we just left the appropriate amount of trauma and scenarios behind? What would we be like then? Imagine a powerful woman, unencumbered by the ghosts of her past relationships?

I have been with Brad for almost 4 years now and I would like to think that everything in the past was just erased, but I know deep down its not. The only thing that I thought could erase negative experiences in past relationships was time, but that’s not true.

We can consciously make a decision to not let the past affect use. Leave losers and past relationships in the past where they belong. Would we all just become superwomen if we did that? Think about all the brain space we would free up to contemplate the meaning of life? LOL

Lets work on it, I know I will.

Golden Rule: Leave the past in the past and only live in the now.


The Different Stages Of Life

Hey Ladies,

I hope you are all awesome and thriving! As I am getting older its amazing how all the mysteries of life are unravelling. I am realizing what positively and negatively affects my life and have the where with all to discern between the two. I am actually old enough to know when something doesn’t serve me and can simply cut it out of my life. Anyway, my weird rant is over, I am here to give you an update.

Brad and I are living happily in our condo and I am getting use to this new stage of life. That weird place between girl friend and house wife. That weird place between talking about marriage and being engaged. That weird place where literally everyone you know constantly asks “when are you going to get married?” That place where your answer is literally soon but you don’t actually know when.

I am realizing that we all just rush through all the stages in our lives and never really appreciate them while we are there. Like in this moment, I am currently looking forward to the next stage of life. But will I soon realize that having a condo with your boyfriend and being able to do whatever you want, whenever you want is like the best stage?

I was recently speaking with a friend who is currently dating around and trying to find her Mr. Right, and I suddenly realized that a little part of me missed that stage. Don’t get me wrong, I am super happy that I met my Mr. Right but man was it fun going out on dates and getting all dolled up. All the hilarious stories I use to have. I mean I don’t have to tell you guys, its all documented here in my blog. While I was dating around though, all I could think about was getting to the next stage, settling down. Isn’t life weird?

I am finally in a place where I actually would like to enjoy my current stage. How about we just take a breadth and look around? Try to actually enjoy our life stage. I mean soon enough, we will be on the next one. We will look back and think how good things were and maybe miss that previous stage. Growing up has made me realize what ‘youth is wasted on the young’ really means. I realize that I am still basically a youth at the ripe age of 32 and by no means have I lived even half of my life (God Willing) but it’s crazy how my views on everything have changed.

Speaking of life stages, I currently am in the Instagram Photography life stage as well lol. I will now continue to a shameless plug. Please go check out my photography page on Instagram called tan_picturesque . Let me know if you like it.

Anyway, I am done spitting knowledge. Let me know what you guys think. What life stage are you on and which life stage do you wish you went a little bit slower on?

Golden Rule: Enjoy the little things and appreciate where you are in life because trust me, time flies.

Tips for guys: Maybe propose to your girlfriends soon, so they aren’t stuck in that weird engaged /not engaged phase for sooo long. LOL

Adulting 101

Hey Ladies and Gents!

It has been a minute! I have literally not had the time to write or more importantly did not feel inspired to for quite some time. In an effort to get back to my old self, here I am! Writing again.

There has been so many changes in my life that my head is spinning. This year has taken me to places that I always wanted to go, but never quite made it to. For starters Brad and I bought a condo and it is beautiful, at least in my opinion but I am biased. I am in a new stable job which I consider a good step in my day job. Office politics however seems to be insanely rampant but I am at the stage in my life where I want to focus on all the good things. All the things in life that actually matter, like love and family and joy. I know I sound corny but I am old now. I am 31, hold crap… call an ambulance. As you get older you actually do get wiser like the old people use to say. I am now one of those old people.

I digress lol. I have my own home for me to decorate and cook in (rarely). I am at the stage in my life where I am looking forward to having a family and is actually enjoying just living a cozy simple life. I went through all the right steps with my mom as to not leave her in a bad spot. She’s is happy for me and basically comes over all the time now. She is my road map for what a strong woman should look like. I am now just emulating her in everything that I do in my own home and with my own 2 person family. My mother is endlessly giving and has a such a big heart. I can only aspire to be as open to people as she is. I am pretty open and giving but I do not take likely to people taking advantage of that quality. See this is the wiser thing I was talking about earlier. I am older now and is taking the least amount of shit from people for the first time in my life.

I am learning how to be a life partner and how to cohabitate with another human whom, I am not related to. It’s tough sometimes but over all pretty fun. It’s like having a sleepover that never ends. This is definitely a new chapter in my life where I am not single. Who knew we would ever get here? Not only am I not single, I am literally living with a boy lol. This pretty much betrays the title of my blog, but I am not changing it because it’s still true. Being single is hard and being an adult is even harder.

I will be filling you all in and any juicey stories that come my way and am happy to share this new chapter with you all.

Golden Rule: Buy an Insta Pot and an Air Fryer as soon as you buy a home, you’ll thank me later.

Light At The End Of The Tunnel

Hi Folks!

It has been a while! I have so much to catch you up on. I was just re-reading my last post and comparing where I was a year ago to right now. We are coming to the end of the pandemic, at-least here in Canada. More and more people are getting vaccinated and life seems like it’s going to get back to normal.

I have since found a new job which I really like and I work from home which is pretty amazing. I get to really enjoy my workspace because it’s actually my bedroom. I really am starting to feel like all the chips that were up in the air for much of 2020 are starting to fall and they are falling in the right places.

I know what you wanna ask! How’s Brad doing? He is doing absolutely fine. We made it through all the turmoil of the pandemic and is actually in a sweet spot. We are looking to make a big move which I won’t mention until it’s all done. But when it’s all done, you’ll know! LOL

I have been watching a lot of episodes of this show called couples therapy, which definitely feels a lot like individual therapy. Like everything these couples think is wrong with their relationships is just stemming from like personal trauma. I mean I always knew that but this shows makes me like really know that. Definitely give this show a watch when you have a chance. It’s definitely giving me some new perspectives on relationships and how to handle issues that arise.

I find couples usually fall into the same ruts or have the same fights but watching this show helps me to see all the work arounds. Anyways enough about this show, I mean I should be getting paid for all the marketing I’m doing. You’re welcome HBO, I’m expecting a check in the mail any day now.

Anyway, just wanted to say I’m feeling good. I’m feeling positive. I’m on like a personal purge at the moment where I am just like weeding out all the negative vibes from my life. It’s been really great. Like anything that does not bring me pleasure or adds positivity to my life is just not being focused on. It feels awesome. I feel like it’s time to progress and this is the way to do it.

I hope all the things I have said, affects you guys in a positive way. I hope my light at the end of the tunnel helps you find yours if you are looking for one!

Golden Rule: Positive Vibes Only Really Helps With Like Everything.

Tips For Guys: Watch Couples Therapy With Your Girl! It’s gonna help!

What’s My Calling?

Hi Folks,

It’s been a while…..just trying to hang in there with all the craziness going on. With all that said, I have been trying to be purposeful this year in all my actions. I have been trying to make this year mean something positive amongst all this negative.

I have started doing some mindfulness exercises and while I’m doing them I feel like my mind is trying to take me somewhere. And no, it’s not to sleep. Lol

I have been trying to figure out lately what my calling is. What am I best at? How do I find this out? So I haven’t exactly googled it yet…… because that’s pretty much how we figure everything out these days. But how do I figure this out naturally in real life?

I grew up watching shows about women and men being excellent at something. Macgyver was good at macgyvering. Buffy was good at slaying. Xena was good at kicking ass and making it look easy. I have got to figure out what my genius is.

What is my zainy, quirky thing that I should be sharing with the world? Is it writing? Is it singing? Is it helping people? There are endless possibilities and I have to figure it out.

If you have been with me since the start of my relationship journey, you will know that I have come a long way! This blog has evolved and changed so much. I am immensely proud of it and the person I have become.

What’s your purpose? And how did you figure it out?

Golden Rule: Use the Mindfulness section if you have a Fitbit. It’s amazing…. you won’t regret it!

Are We Making Progress?

Hi Guys!

So this week, Brad and I went to the cottage to “getaway” from it all. While we were there, the Jacob Blake story broke and was all over the news. I don’t usually get political on my blog but there are just so many things wrong with 2020 that, I’m not even sure how to move forward. Or is this what progress looks like?

People being called out for being this or being that? Is that what progress is? Racial injustices being filmed; some cases being resolved, while others will never see justice. Is this progress? I honestly can’t tell. I guess we won’t know until 10 years from now. Maybe we can’t see progress while it’s happening. I’m sure in the middle of famous wars or battles they also felt like, it would never end and had moments where they wondered if this fight was even worth fighting. I guess it is.

It’s hard to be happy in a relationship when you aren’t happy by yourself. This year has been one of the hardest of my life. I don’t think I have ever faced so much uncertainty as a professional but also as a woman of color. Being in a constant state of worry, does have nasty side effects on being in a loving relationship.

I was horribly affected by the pandemic while Brad wasn’t. So in this scenario he does feel like he needs to be the strong one, the happy one, the together one. But I’m realizing that what’s happening around us is affecting us. We should try not to make it manifest into a monster but we should acknowledge that this year is unlike any other. It is affecting us. In a few years we will be able to see just how much it has changed the world.

Let’s hope that we do in fact see progress.

Be safe everyone and try to stay positive.

Keep Swimming

Hello Everyone!

So I am one of the lucky people who lost their jobs due to this pandemic and am literally on my 4th month of losing my mind,…… I mean 4th month of meditation. I know people think staying home is easy and it definitely is a lot easier than what many other countries have had to do during a pandemic. However, I am literally going bonkers. Treat this like a vacation everyone says, but at least on vacation I know that I would still be getting paid from my job.

I am so uneasy and isolated. Literally the theme of my quarantine. The government mandates us not to see people so we don’t see people. It also doesn’t help that my friends all live at least 45 minutes away and have bolstering social calendars.

I can’t figure out if I am isolated or self isolating. They are all still working so I feel like I don’t have much to discuss with them. My boyfriend is still working as well. So basically no one that I speak to on the regular, understands how hard it is to not feel insane. I don’t want to say the D word but sometimes I feel it coming on.

Being off for 4 months doesn’t mean I did many summer like things with all my time off either. Many places are closed due to our impending doom aka covid 19. The people I want to spend time with are all working and don’t have time off. So this all blows.

I also of late have been having this feeling, that I could be doing so much more with my life. Like every time I have an idea to do something out of the box, I talk myself out of it. These past few months I have been trying to work on myself, but its hard for all that work to stick. I have honestly tried the positivity thing, like see all the good and not focus on the bad. It’s just all hard to do when you don’t feel great, but we must all fight on.

Quarantine Tips: Just keep swimming!

The Relevance Of Routine

Hi Guys,

In my last blog I referenced an episode of “Coronavirus, Explained” on Netflix. If you have watched it then great! If not please refer to my last blog “Coping Mechanism” and then watch it, in that order (hehehe). For those of us who have watched it and is now using all the coping mechanism, I commend you.

Just yesterday I was reading all my earlier blogs and I have realized how my blog has evolved over the years. It was at first about dating and the difficulties of associating with douche bags for lack of a better term. Now I am happily in a stable relationship with someone whom I actually see a future with. Yet, this pandemic, our feelings of isolation and global circumstances around it has taken over. I do apologize for all this content and do wish there was way more Juicier content to share. The most exciting thing Brad and I have been doing is a Marvel Movie Marathon, but by all means please let me know if you would like me to brief you on those. We are also going to the cottage again soon, so that’s always amazing.

I have stability in my love life which is great with everything else being upside down. Literally everyday now I try to have a routine for myself. I look for jobs for about 2 hours, which is honestly the most stressful part of my day. I try to incorporate a walk so I can get my steps in and then I try to give my day some kind of purpose.

This week I had a Handmaid’s Tale Day which was super intense but rewarding at the end. I am not going to lie, Handmaid’s tale makes me feel all kinds of feelings. I actually cried watching the season 3 finale. No spoilers but WOW. That’s all I will say.

I am going to try to give myself a purpose each day. Also lets keep in mind that I have been in quarantine since March and I am just now actually upholding to some kind of routine. So don’t feel bad if you haven’t found your groove yet Stella! (That’s a movie reference, let me know if you get it)

Anyway, just letting you know this has been helping me. I also love to sing and I love to write. So I am actively trying to write more blogs. So here you are apart of my routine!

Golden Rule: Find the routine that works for you and make it fun!

The Handmaid's Tale': TV's Most Chilling Trump-Era Series ...

Coping Mechanisms

Hi Guys,

So I watched a super interesting episode of explained yesterday on Netflix and I definitely wanted to share this with you. Some people I know watch the show Explained on Netflix and many people I know don’t. To those people I say why?! Do you not want to know the whats what on racism, the stock market, sex, and a plethora of other subjects. It is literally 30 minutes of pure information and pure fire. Should I be on the Netflix marketing team?

Anyway, the episode in question is about coping through all the stressors that this pandemic has caused. So this particular explained series is called “Coronavirus, Explained” and all the episodes are based on one aspect of how this Pandemic has changed our lives. I think everyone and I mean everyone should watch it. It just allows you to understand on a greater platform, what is actually taking place and how everyone on the planet is facing the same exact circumstances.

I won’t share any spoilers but I do want to touch on a few things. Over the past few months, I have been laid off and have had to struggle with major uncertainty in my life. With that being said; I have had trouble sleeping, I watch the news or is attached to some social media outlet constantly, I have anxiety and I have an overall feeling of isolation. Does any of this sound familiar? I mean most people all over the world is struggling with all the same things but knowing everyone is going through it as well, doesn’t really help me cope. What helps me cope is knowing what helps them cope, which is exactly what this episode explored.

I won’t tell you what those coping mechanisms are because I want you to watch the episode. What a tease I am right? What I will tell you is that it’s narrated by Idris Elba and like who doesn’t want to hear him talk for 30 minutes? You’re Welcome.

Golden Rule: Just take a few deep breaths and everything will eventually shift into its rightful place.

2020…. The Worst?

Hi Guys,

Are you over this year? Yeah me too. Things are getting crazier by the minute. Everything has been in complete upheaval starting with society, the economy, medical issues and environmental issues. The entire globe is on fire and not just for social change. Have humans on a whole just been tweeting and gramming ourselves into a black hole? Perhaps.

I myself as a Canadian woman of color have experienced injustices but I can only speak to the ones that I am aware of and of course I am lobbying for social change. Social change for black people and all other people of color who have been taught by society that they are some how less than or not good enough. I rarely get political on my blog but I will make my allegiances clear. Treating everyone no matter their color as equals is like 400 years over due.

That being said, this year has taught me a lot about myself and those I want to surround myself with. I saw this quote that said you have to decide when its okay to let go of people but also; to let go of the part of yourself that allowed those people to treat you badly. No one can treat you badly or make you feel less than, unless you allow them to. I am not doing that anymore. There are a lot of relationships in my life that needed some evaluation and I am proud to say they have been evaluated. People need to add positivity and value to your life just as you should to theirs.

I know this blog had been really heavy but this year has forced me to reflect on some pretty heavy things. As for Brad and I we are good. This year has put a monkey wrench in our plans and the rest of the world’s plans. So we are basically dealing with this massive delay in starting our lives together. However I must also see this as a well needed moment of rest and reflection. Everything happens for a reason. If we were meant to buy a house in 2020 we would have but maybe God has other plans.

Golden Rule: Stay positive and protect your energy.