Chemistry

Chemistry is a mysterious beast. I super hate the fact that the one person I have the most chemistry with and the most amazing sex with, just isn’t “The Guy”.  Having the perfect chemistry with someone isn’t something you can fake or force trust me  I have tried. I am now aware that the way works is that you can’t have it all. You know that perfect list that you make with the perfect guy. Sorry to tell you honey, but he just isn’t out there. Instead you should just have a list of absolutes. Things you absolutely cannot stand and will not stand for.

My List Of Absolutes

  1. I refuse to be disrespected.
  2. I refuse to be treated like my thoughts or decisions don’t matter.
  3. I refuse to be with someone who doesn’t make me laugh
  4. I refuse to be with someone who thinks Sci-Fi is dumb. ( I just Can’t. this should be number one)
  5. I refuse to be with someone whom I don’t have chemistry with.

Will I find this Unicorn of a man. Nope I don’t think so, but lets see how my search goes. I feel like I have aged twice as fast going through these relationships and learning what I do and don`t want.

Once again I feel like giving up and maybe chilling out for the summer.

Golden Rule: Don`t compromise on your chemistry.

Rules for Guys: Try not to do anything on my absolutes list.

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I’m Single Again and It Sucks

Unlike my other horror dating stories or my usual break ups, this one was my call. Though tongue ring really tried and spent a lot of time with me, i just felt something wasn’t quite right. I just thought we didn’t have enough in common and I really didn’t want to waste both our times.

Even though I pulled the plug, I still feel like shit. I literally cried one whole weekend day and am now in a very mopey mood. I just hate the thought of hurting someone. I feel bad that maybe tongue ring thought we had something and I just didn’t. Is this all my fault? Am I the weird one? Am I just not good at relationships? I don’t know. All I know is that everyone around me is magically falling in-love and getting married and I’m not.

Honestly my threshold for worry is at an all time high about being alone forever. When I worry this much I usually just roll over and take a nap. This  time I’m going to to try and remove myself from all the social pressures. If I’m going to be single forever I just am. We don’t know what life has in store and honestly I don’t care. I just don’t want to worry anymore or force anything.

I know that every time one of my friends post a cute couply photo this summer I’m going to feel it. Every time one of my friends get engaged or talk about getting engaged I’m going to feel it. I’m going to feel lonely as shit. I already am, it almost makes me regret my decision but why be with someone when you aren’t 100% feeling it, when they could be spending that time with they’re Mrs. Right.

So what will I do all summer, while everyone is off with they’re other halves? Work on me, catch up on all things TV, learn how to knit, go to the gym? I don’t know, I have a long winding single summer ahead of me. The possibilities are endless lol.

Side note; If Meghan can find her prince at 36, why can’t I? Maybe the lucky number is 36. After that I will be royally screwed. Also I’m no where close to 36 ya’ll so calm down.

Golden Rule: I Suck.

Tips for Guys: I Suck.

She’s So Quiet

So this one isn’t about being single necessarily but I guess its kind of connected. I just gotta rant for a second. So I guess some might describe me as an introvert because I’m not the loudest person in the room. I like people and can make friends pretty easy but if i’m in a room with people who enjoy attention, I let them have it. In my mind I feel like if attention is what you need to feel relevant, then go for it. What I do hate though is when they label me as quiet when I never have a chance to speak. I literally can’t get a word in and then they are like “oh she is just so quiet”. I have literally been labelled as the quiet or soft spoken person my entire life and each time it shocks me a bit. I literally think ” I am?” I thought I was speaking at a relevant interval.

Its just like these days there is this culture of everyone speaking up  and speaking over everyone else. I mean like fully interrupting and shit just to seem smart or to show that you are working harder or something. Like I don’t interrupt people because its hella rude. In a work setting or social setting I speak at a decent amount but danggg. Then it seems like you aren’t smart enough or working as hard because you literally never get a chance to speak.

Same in my relationships. I hate confrontation and find it super hard to willingly butt heads with my partner. I tell them when I am not happy and not cool with stuff but in no way am I going to do it public or even do it in a confrontational or condescending tone. And that’s just because its not how I would want to be treated.

It just sucks that you get under estimated when you aren’t loud and obnoxious. That’s cool though because you know your own potential and don’t need confirmation from anyone. You know all the work you put in, real work not fake work. You know what you are doing is legit and will pay off. I don’t work for people or to impress people. I work for myself, to make my own money and to improve myself.

I have great big dreams and me the “soft spoken and quiet” one intends to achieve every single one of them.

Golden Rule: You don’t have put anyone down to feel better about yourself. Have a conversation with people don’t speak over them.

Tips for dudes: Respect a girl who talks to you with respect and reciprocate that.

Upcoming Nuptials & Adulting

Hi Ladies! My  friend’s wedding is exactly 20 days away and I’m freaking out. Its a very big and eventful day. Also one of my closest friends will be someone’s wife soon. I’m going to have to call her Mrs. The next big event for her will be having a baby. This is crazy ya’ll.

Also as I’m getting older or maturing, I’m like seriously figuring people out. The best thing about getting older is getting wiser. Like you start to know who are your real friends and who aren’t. You get to the phase where you don’t care what people do because they always acts in they’re own best interest. Time to accept friendships that have deteriorated and to work on the people who really show you they care. You start to figure out yourself and start to actually like yourself which is so important.

I like me and I know I need some improvements but I’m working on them. Looking for that special person who likes me as much as I do. Tongue ring is still present but we are taking it slow and I’m hoping that its going in a positive direction.

Golden Rule: Being an adult is hard.

Tips For Dudes: Encourage your girl to figure herself out, she’ll help you figure stuff out too don’t worry.