Light At The End Of The Tunnel

Hi Folks!

It has been a while! I have so much to catch you up on. I was just re-reading my last post and comparing where I was a year ago to right now. We are coming to the end of the pandemic, at-least here in Canada. More and more people are getting vaccinated and life seems like it’s going to get back to normal.

I have since found a new job which I really like and I work from home which is pretty amazing. I get to really enjoy my workspace because it’s actually my bedroom. I really am starting to feel like all the chips that were up in the air for much of 2020 are starting to fall and they are falling in the right places.

I know what you wanna ask! How’s Brad doing? He is doing absolutely fine. We made it through all the turmoil of the pandemic and is actually in a sweet spot. We are looking to make a big move which I won’t mention until it’s all done. But when it’s all done, you’ll know! LOL

I have been watching a lot of episodes of this show called couples therapy, which definitely feels a lot like individual therapy. Like everything these couples think is wrong with their relationships is just stemming from like personal trauma. I mean I always knew that but this shows makes me like really know that. Definitely give this show a watch when you have a chance. It’s definitely giving me some new perspectives on relationships and how to handle issues that arise.

I find couples usually fall into the same ruts or have the same fights but watching this show helps me to see all the work arounds. Anyways enough about this show, I mean I should be getting paid for all the marketing I’m doing. You’re welcome HBO, I’m expecting a check in the mail any day now.

Anyway, just wanted to say I’m feeling good. I’m feeling positive. I’m on like a personal purge at the moment where I am just like weeding out all the negative vibes from my life. It’s been really great. Like anything that does not bring me pleasure or adds positivity to my life is just not being focused on. It feels awesome. I feel like it’s time to progress and this is the way to do it.

I hope all the things I have said, affects you guys in a positive way. I hope my light at the end of the tunnel helps you find yours if you are looking for one!

Golden Rule: Positive Vibes Only Really Helps With Like Everything.

Tips For Guys: Watch Couples Therapy With Your Girl! It’s gonna help!

Just Once

Hello Ladies,

I know it’s been quite a while since I wrote anything. And it’s not for lack of free time, it’s just that basically nothing is happening to me that is worth writing about. At least I thought there wasn’t. I do feel the need to update you guys though as it’s been a rough week.

So has anyone dated a Capricorn before because I can’t figure him out. Yes, I’m still with Brad and man has this pandemic been hitting us hard. We don’t live together yet and our parents are always home due to the restrictions. So we basically have no private time together and it’s slowly killing me. Brad, not so much. He is a man of many interests and sometimes I question how high I am on that list.

I have been feeling shitty lately about how I perceive I’m being treated in this relationship. I also would like to say that this whole past week, I was on my period which makes everything feel extra intense. But some of the issues that came up this week were things discussed before. So I’m not going to just blame it all on Mother Nature.

During this pandemic, I haven’t really seen my friends much because they live a little ways away. I have been trying to keep my bubble very small and that includes Brad. He’s been kind of like my only friend throughout this whole thing but maybe that’s a mistake. I can’t do that because he loves to be busy with his hobbies and to be un-disturbed. Also according to him, binge watching shows isn’t a hobby, so basically I have gotta go find one.

While we are going through our tough times, I have started to reflect on past relationships. And if you have been following me from the beginning, you know how those turned out. I have just been thinking about how I have been treated by guys over the past like 5 years which is when I seriously started dating. If you have been a fan you know it wasn’t good. And we watch TV and see couples that are so in love or you know newly weds and things like that, you can’t help but to compare your relationship to theirs.

Just once, I’d like to be the girl that someone can’t live without. Just once I’d like to be someone’s go to person. Over the past few weeks, I have been wondering if those feelings even still happen? This is my 30th year of life. Not only am I dealing with a personal crisis, I am also dealing with a world wide crisis. Why did I have to be born in 1990?! Like we have witnessed a lot. Like a lot a lot.

Anyway, my friends from New York, my sisters heck even my friends here in Canada keeps asking me; when will I be engaged. And that question is crazy to me because it’s basically asking someone, when do they think their significant other will propose. The answer is I don’t know. But I have been thinking, maybe to this person I’m not like the girl he engages. Maybe there is no fear of losing me, no like urgency. Just once, can I be the girl guys feel urgent about? I guess that’s just wishful thinking.

So that’s the update. Things are rough. I am determined to change and not depend on anyone else. I honestly have to figure out how to love being alone. I am away from my friends and my boyfriend is occupied. I need to be content in my own little Corona bubble.

So in other words, I think I’m depressed. Just kidding……. but maybe not?

Let me know how things are going for your relationships.

2 Years, Officially!

Hi Guys!

Its officially been two years since Brad and I started this dance called our relationship. If you have been with me from the start, you know all the relationships and almost relationships I have been through. I am soooo happy I finally found something real. He is my best friend, my confidant and my lover. I don’t think I have ever been with anyone with whom I could honestly share everything with. It’s pretty refreshing.

What did we do for our anniversary you may ask?……. We had a romantic weekend at his cottage. As we all know, we are going through a pandemic right now so we didn’t have many options. It felt so good to get away from the news and social media. If anyone has a nature getaway I would highly recommend it, especially right now. We were in our own little beautiful bubble for 3 days. It was great, as we haven’t gotten to spend that much uninterrupted time together in a long time.

In the middle of all this death and sadness lets hold on to the good things that make us human. Re-examine all your relationships good or bad. This is the time to reflect on what and who is filling your life with positivity and who isn’t.

My boyfriend has been the strong one through out this entire ordeal. He is always in good spirits and is always a source of light for me which I appreciate now more than ever.

Lets just give all the people who bring us joy, a big physical or virtual hug this week!

Stress Eating

Hi Ladies!

What happens when work is stressing you out, you only see your man 2 times a week, 3 if you’re lucky and your friends live some distance away?

You start stress eating. This week alone, I have eaten sooo much crap. At work I just like drinking diet pop to keep me going. That’s not good for me. I always feel super bloated after.

Then I don’t see my boyfriend, so I just go home and eat alone. Then go to bed.

Bottom line is, I hate being fat. Then I look in the mirror and I’m like WTF?! And then that stresses me out. Who’s a brides maid in two weddings this year? Yup, I am! It’s just the perfect year to be chubby, stressed and annoyed.

By the way, this is me being positive lol. Today was a good day until I saw how chubby I was and how alone I felt.

Brad works nights every other week but sometimes it’s like two weeks in a row. It’s pretty sad because I literally am doing everything by myself in the week. That would be okay if my friends were around but they are all like a 45 minute drive. I mean….. should I make new friends?

IDK, I just wanted to vent a little.

Yours Truly,

Chubby Chubby Bunny.

Thirty, Flirty and Tired

Hello Ladies!

My day job is taking over my life but here lies my true passion. I have recently turned the big 3 0! It’s shocking. I literally thought I would be in my 20’s forever or forever 21.

Now that I have entered a new chapter, I am looking forward to all adulthood is ready to teach me. Probably weird health things, or I assume my organs will need to be checked or something. I suddenly start to fee real sluggish around 9 PM, is that an old people thing?

Brad and I hosted a giant party for my birthday at his house. It was delightful. My hunny got me the most perfect cake and the cutest gifts. My friends were all around me. It was pretty much a kickass birthday. The only thing is, now I’ve gotta top it!

Brad and I are in a really good place despite all the past drama. For the most part there hasn’t been any other woman running interference. I’m looking ahead into our future which I think is Uber bright.

Well that’s it folks! I made it to 30 and only cried a handful of times so that’s an accomplishment!

I’ll keep y’all posted on what’s coming next!

Delicate Dance

Hi Ladies,

If being single is hard, being in a relationship is even harder. It’s a delicate dance of do we or don’t we. This relationship that I’m currently in is by far the most significant one that I have ever had with any other partner. And sometimes it’s just not what I expect.

I watch Rom Coms where things are constantly romantic and where your partner should be like the person who’s company you most enjoy.

No where in the Rom Com is there a part about not being able to sleep comfortably with your partner or like needing time a part. Or like being confused about when it’s appropriate to spend time together and when to spend time apart. Or just like feeling like you’re on the same page but different paragraphs.

I need to learn but honestly I can’t get the gist.

Here’s me, looking myself in the mirror telling myself I need to change. I need to be okay with certain things and I need to not let every little thing make me feel crappy. I need to get busy, I need to work out and I need to feel valued by myself.

Golden Rule: Sometimes, you need to have an honest talk with yourself about what you want out of a relationship and if it’s reasonable to have.

Tips for guys: If your girl wants to cuddle, freakin cuddle.

We Are Not Perfect

Hi Ladies,

I just wanted to let you guys know that no relationship is perfect. Brad and I have been having this on-going issue, involving another girl outside of our relationship. Now when I met Brad he came encompassed with all these young, female (some single, some not) friends. Like most girls who start a new relationship I was not comfortable.

Brad has made profound improvements in this regard. He really tries to stay clear of anything that makes me uncomfortable or any interactions that he knows will make me feel not great. However, lol. One still remains.

There is a particular friend whom we have had controversies with concerning some interactions. Stuff that any girl would feel weird about or not appreciate. The problem is that with this particular human, Brad doesn’t really agree that some things were inappropriate.

When he is with this particular individual something else happens. His phone is a deadzone lol. So say I’m chatting away, just telling him usual stuff, expecting a response. Maybe not right away but like within a reasonable time. I’ll either get no response or like weird half answers. So Ofcourse I didn’t feel great about that. And I would notice it most with this particular girl. Like I would just feel the distance.

I have discussed this with Brad and since then have seen major improvements. He has had to actively try to stay attentive when this person is around. Which makes me feel eeeeeeeek. He says it’s because they don’t get to see each other that much so when they do, they have lots to say. I also basically just need to accept this as I do get quite upset every time it happens. Shouldn’t I be use to this by now?

In the most recent incident she asked Brad something that had somewhat to do with me. And like it just feels like my feelings were not considered you know. It just felt like this thing was only about her. And it sucked. After the fact Brad and I discussed but there is like no going back on this thing. Also I would think if it was between me being upset and her being upset. Mine would be more crucial or important but I felt like that wasn’t the case.

This is the one thing that hasn’t really changed much in almost two years. There is no shaking her. And I feel terrible for being that girlfriend that steps in the way of friendships. My fear is that there may be something more than friendship happening there but Brad vehemently disagrees. I feel like freakin Darth Vader every time I bring it up.

Because Ofcourse she’s like a happy little fairy girl. Who doesn’t like that right? While I’m an overthinking, intellectual adult who still allows a fairy girl to make me feel like shit.

Naturally in these scenarios where someone else has your boyfriends attention, you start to over analyze and compare. And comparison is never good. I compact every interaction they have ever had into a little box. And every time she’s brought up, I open this little box and all the uncomfortable feelings seep out. Kinda like in that movie the ring where like that dead girls hair just like comes out of no where and stifles you. Super similar to that.

Brad Ofcourse hates that I do this. Because he literally doesn’t remember anything that has happened with this person past last Tuesday. Is that like a guy thing?

So anyway, this is my dilemma. This problem is not going anywhere as he has to see this person on a semi-regular basis. Some aspects of this situation does make me feel insecure. The usual questions. Am I not interesting enough? Not pretty enough? Not fairy like enough?

Because intrinsically that’s what happens. I don’t feel like enough. I should be so enough that no other human can do this. As no other human does this to me in regards to Brad. But that’s just it. Brad and I are different and see things differently.

So then I’ll think like maybe I’m just being too sensitive or maybe a bit over critical. But then I bring up specific scenarios with my friends and even my MOM. And my mom would say, “hmmmmm something doesn’t seem right with this girl.”

So that’s the dilemma. I have no advice this week but I sure need some.

Love Plant

Hi Ladies!

So Valentine’s Day just passed and I actually had a valentine for once! We went for dinner and exchanged gifts. And there were candles involved. All very romantic and certainly made me feel loved.

I was gifted a love plant. A plant that I’m tasked with keeping alive as it’s a representation of our love. No pressure or anything. I’ll have to do my very best, it might be hard as I don’t have a green thumb or a green anything.

I had a wonderful night with my babe but sometimes I wonder…. how do we measure love? Remember that song by Michael Bolton? “When a man loves a woman” Que wind machine. Like I grew up thinking love was exactly like Michael Bolton said. When a man loves you, he’ll do anything for you. He’ll respect you, he’ll try to never hurt you. When a woman loves a man it’s exactly the same. She respects him and tries to never hurt him.

I hope love never changes. I want to feel like Michael Bolton is following me and Brad around everywhere we go. I want that old school love. I want love that is true and committed.

No golden rules tonight or tips. Just love each other. Let’s not let love change or mutate. Let’s keep it simple.

Whimsical Cottage Getaway

Hello Ladies!

What have I been up to you may ask? I’m just chillen and working, having fun with cutie pie Brad. So Brad Paisley’s family owns a cottage, no shocker there. He is Brad Paisley after all. This past weekend he thought it would be a good idea for us to take a little trip. It’s only two hours away but it’s good to know that I can be in a car with him for two hours. We literally just listened to music and talked and laughed. Not a bad travelling partner.

His cottage was beautiful and I had a bunch of new experiences. I rode an ATV. Not to worry Brad was at the helm. I just prayed for my life and held on tight. I drove a boat for the first time as well. I quickly realized how fun cottage life is and is hastily looking into my own cottage lol. You know once this blog takes off and I start making tons of money lol. For now my cottage dream is on hold.

Anyway, I thought it was super sweet of him to invite me up there and boy did I sure have fun. I was also ingesting at a steady pace some very delicious wine. That definitely helped me to relax and unwind. It’s was a whimsical trip.

Golden Rule: If your guy ever invites you on a cottage getaway, please do it!

Tips for Guys: Buy a cottage.

Brad’s Back

Hello Ladies,

Remember Brad….. Brad Paisley? Yeah so we are trying again. I know! My life is dizzying. How did this happen you may ask? Me being a weak weak woman and missing him. So you know how when you miss a guy so much, but you just totally suppress it? Or you type the “I miss you text” but not press send? Well I sent it. Then he said he missed me back, which I thought was nice and I was really happy he missed me.

Then he read my last blog and yes he reads my blog. That’s a whole other story. So yes he probably will be reading this. Intruder Alert! Lol.

He then basically replied to my blog/ explained stuff in further detail. At the end he proposed trying again and maybe going slowly. I accepted because I’m a softy and because I honestly think he’s a great guy. I think we have something but I can really only speak for my feelings. As we all know the other party may not feel the same.

As for me, I have toned my feelings way down and is just taking it slow. I don’t want to rush into anything because I’m really scared of getting hurt again. This time I’m just way more relaxed. I realize that this is out of my control and as always in a relationship you only know how you feel.

So that’s what’s happening, I’ll keep you posted on my status lol. Playing it totally aloof and totally by ear lol

Being in a relationship is hard.

Golden Rule: Maybe send the “I miss you” text sometimes, you never know what comes of it.

Tips for guys: If you think a girl is worth a second chance, give it to her.