Monthly Archives: May 2020

2 Years, Officially!

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Hi Guys!

Its officially been two years since Brad and I started this dance called our relationship. If you have been with me from the start, you know all the relationships and almost relationships I have been through. I am soooo happy I finally found something real. He is my best friend, my confidant and my lover. I don’t think I have ever been with anyone with whom I could honestly share everything with. It’s pretty refreshing.

What did we do for our anniversary you may ask?……. We had a romantic weekend at his cottage. As we all know, we are going through a pandemic right now so we didn’t have many options. It felt so good to get away from the news and social media. If anyone has a nature getaway I would highly recommend it, especially right now. We were in our own little beautiful bubble for 3 days. It was great, as we haven’t gotten to spend that much uninterrupted time together in a long time.

In the middle of all this death and sadness lets hold on to the good things that make us human. Re-examine all your relationships good or bad. This is the time to reflect on what and who is filling your life with positivity and who isn’t.

My boyfriend has been the strong one through out this entire ordeal. He is always in good spirits and is always a source of light for me which I appreciate now more than ever.

Lets just give all the people who bring us joy, a big physical or virtual hug this week!

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It’s Okay To Not Be Okay

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Hi Guys!

For some reason, this week has been the hardest week of this entire pandemic for me. It’s like my body and mind is ready for this to be over and I am not sure how to accept that it isn’t and probably wont be for a very long time.

I know most people are just binging Netflix and probably have already finished all of Netflix, but I am so bored at this point that I can only bring myself to watch a few hours a day. For the rest of the day I am trying to figure out ways to make my circumstance better.

This is also when you realize that this is different for everyone. Some people handle uncertainty way better than others. I handle it pretty poorly. This is the time when being happy with yourself and by yourself is put to the test. I have to feel okay on my own because I don’t even see Brad. Being in a relationship usually is a crutch for finding things to do that make you happy. But I honestly don’t have that right now. We talk via text and phone but I can’t help but feel super far from him. The other thing is that we are on total opposite ends of this pandemic. He’s on the end where he is actually making lots of money, making lots of moves at work and still see’s his work friends. I’m on the isolation end (the cave I call it). So you can see how he wouldn’t understand anything that is happening over here.

The point of this is that it’s okay to not feel okay. I never thought in a million years that I wold ever feel like this. I feel like my future is in question…… my future that I worked so hard for his currently foggy. Needless to say its been rough. I have to find a way to get through this and that is what I will be focusing on going forward.

 

Let’s Find Some Good!

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Hi Ladies,

How sad is it that now that I actually have the time to blog, I haven’t been? What have I been doing you might ask?

I have been gaining weight, eating while trying to lose weight. Confusing I know. I have been trying to figure out my passion in life which is actually really hard. Like what am I good at? Maybe writing?

I read a quote that said you don’t find out your passion by thinking, you find out your passion by doing. I want to definitely do more.

I also jumped on the Tik Tok wave. Made a few videos and now I am just wondering what I am doing there. I mean I am 30 after all. So now I am thinking how to make Tik Toks that are relevant, funny and helpful. I don’t plan on twerking on my Tik Tok…… I know, how disappointing.  I haven’t quite figured out what to post. When I do, I will drop a link in here.

I have been stressing about my day job, wondering when I will return. When life will return to normal? Who knows? I am trying to come out of this time a better person, a more thoughtful person. Perhaps someone with a new skill………but honestly I haven’t accomplished any of that. I have spent most of the time worrying about what the future holds.

How’s Brad you might ask? He is good. He is lucky enough to be essential in these times so his life has generally not changed. We have been managing to see each other from time to time but definitely not enough. We have been fighting over the phone a bit and that’s just because of this stressful time and the lack of quality time(SEX!). What can I say? I recognize why we are behaving this way and I am actively trying to maybe find a new normal through these weird times.

What can we do in this time to not feel sad or worried or restless? Nothing, feel your feelings. Just try to find the good  along the way. Watch your favorite shows, eat your favorite foods, get fat! (who cares?!) and just try to be happy about the little things. You are alive, you are not sick, you can laugh, you have the capacity to grieve. Let’s just try to feel good.

Let me know how you guys are doing! Let me know some good things that are going on in your lives!