Have you ever been so tired of your own crap that you just want a fresh start. That was suppose to be the beginning of the year but that was a bust. This year was suppose to be self focused. I started meditation just to help clear my head. I want a more zen filled life and that really starts with eliminating negativity. That friend who doesn’t give a shit about you. Those guys that you thought cared about. Throw it all away. I can’t keep dragging it along. If they don’t bring you happiness or good vibes, cut it loose.
I’m giving myself a Re-do button. I’m starting fresh. You may a ask what’s the reason for this. The reason is I want to stop feeling like shit and I want people to stop shitting on me. Judging me for my actions because they think all their actions are perfect. People giving you fake love because they think they have to.
Over the past week Picky Eater asked me to become his booty call. He wanted to downgrade me from a girl he once dated and got to know, to a friends with benefits situation. That really hurt me because I’ve always thought if a guy knew me he would like appreciate me. Not the case. Needless to say, I’m over trying to be friends with him.
I also realized that everything good about Booty Call and the time we spend together is all temporary. I get the girlfriend experience for a night but he’s never truly mine. When I walk out of his apartment the spell is broken.
I am single and it’s hard at my age but I need to accept that I’m fine. I need to stop talking about it so much and put my efforts elsewhere. What really sucks is when people judge you for where you are now in your life as if they were never in this place. And honestly maybe they have never been. Maybe all their life they have been so sure they were making the right choices. Where as I am so unsure and am just trying to follow my heart. My heart is blind though so let’s not do that.
Okay rant over. No golden rule or tips for guys this time.
Every now and again I need advice, so lay it on me peeps. Also you can restart or re-do your outlook on life at anytime. I’m starting today. It doesn’t mean I won’t falter because I’m not perfect. It does mean that I’ve had realizations today and will try super hard to quit my bad habits and eliminate negativity.
Hi Ladies, A lot of not very kind things have occurred in my life recently. But Hey! What’s new? Less than a week ago I was in a weather induced accident and totaled my 4 month old car. Her name was Jasmine and she was badass. R.I.P Jasmine. I am of course grateful to have escaped this traumatic accident without a scratch, so maybe this isn’t one of my problems? IDK
I have been frequenting Booty Call again, and yes the sex is still life changing and yes he still doesn’t want a relationship. That’s my new year’s resolution down the drain before January is even over. What can I say… when I am heart broken, I get needy. We are so casual now that he literally texts other girls in front of me. I guess I can’t be mad because he is aware that I am on a constant husband hunt, but still. I try not to do it in front of him out of politeness. Not the case for him. Our relationship or hook up or whatever, has evolved into a strange friend booty call thing. Let’s call it FBC. I would say friends with benefits but I like to be original.
So I decided to make up with all my exes this year. I told dude who dumped me two days before Christmas that we were cool. I told Picky Eater that we should be friends. Even unblocked Hunting Cap. I have no idea why I did this but I just wanted to try and move on. Picky Eater disappointed me the most because we started off great and then right in the middle of a Walking Dead convo, he just ghosted me. Like dang haven’t the Grimes family been through enough, must you ghost a convo about them too? So I’m not really sure if this was a problem or just complaint.
Oh Lord! This day is going to be harsh this year. All my close friends are all loved up and will definitely have plans. I really want to go see the new fifty shades movie but all my friends will most likely be busy. I will just have to settle for taking my mom. My mom is super fun anyway and will pay for all the Movie Theater food for sure. If you go with a date there is always a 50% chance that you have to grab the tab.
Once again, I will have no one to call my own. I tried so hard to have a guy for V-day but life shakes out differently. If I get one nice text from a guy, I would be happy. Should I just take myself to a nice fancy dinner and be my own Valentine. Is that a thing? Can I do that? Should I get Cupids permission?
Either way I’ll be chilling alone.
Golden Rule: Try to leave the country for Valentine’s Day every year. Trust me it would be worth it.
Tips for dudes: Text at least one of your special ladies on V-day. It makes them feel loved or atleast strongly liked.
Hi Ladies! I wish that I made up some of the stuff that I go through, but I honestly don’t. I’m Christian but sometimes I feel like there is some dating god or deity who is punishing me for something I did in a past life. Let’s call her the “Goddess of Shit”… I just feel like only a woman can inflict this much crap on another lol. Like what did I do to deserve this bullshit? I am pretty average looking and am not crazy (I think). That should at least get me a mediocre dude right? Nope.
Remember that guy that dumped me 2 days before Christmas who I said I would never discuss again? (See Sweet Nothings to get caught up). He contacted me via Facebook to let me know that he has read my blog! Dun Dun Duuuun! Like WTF? How did he find it? Can I be mad, as this is a public forum? Literally, I don’t care that he did. I do care however that he now gets to see how shit my dating life has been since him, while he is riding some magical love wave with the girl that was better than me. Man that sucked! He also said he was sorry once again, and I literally shut down. I can’t talk to this dude, I immediately re-live the moment he dumped me whenever I see his picture. I think that’s called Trauma… should I see a therapist? Kidding, I’m 75% over it. Phew, it only took a whole year.
Then on Tinder, I started talking to an older gentleman who I thought maybe would be a nice change from the normal guys I’ve spoken to. However I am just so fearful to try dating again that I am super skeptical about everything. I’ve mentioned this before but whenever I am on Tinder I literally hear that song from Kill Bill that Uma Thurman hears whenever she saw someone who was apart of her death list. (watch Kill Bill… literally the best movie ever made)
I saw hunting cap on Tinder as well, which was a bit amusing. He saw Fifty Shades Darker with me last Valentine’s day. Maybe I should ask him to see this new one with me too? He really liked that movie for obvious reasons. (See And his name was “Hunting Cap” )
Being Single Is Hard when guys you dated are super happy while you ride the singles train.
On the bright side, the really sweet Tinder messages keep pouring in. I mean how can I resist this guy?
Golden Rule: Leave me alone Goddess of Shit!
Tips for Guys: Watch the Fifty Shades movie with your special girl, she really wants you to.
So sooner than expected but I am back on Tinder. Not seriously just browsing. I completely missed guys saying really vile things to me and ghosting me. Damn I missed it soooo much. Why do we do this to ourselves? Anyway just wanted to update you guys. I just watched this Black Mirror episode about dating and it actually made me believe in love again. Like somehow I can still do this and maybe find someone.
Listed below is just one of the really nice messages I’ve received.
Being single is hard when you have to resort back to Tinder.
Its kinda liberating being single and not caring. It feels good. No prospective lovers, no one you have to answer to. Not gonna lie, I kinda like it. I’m a free woman. My future is vast and potentially exciting. I am keeping myself busy enough and leaving all the guys that hurt me in 2017 where they belong.
That’s it for now. I have a story to tell you guys about a guy I met that works at the Chinese restaurant, but that’s for another time. For now let’s just be freeeeeee.