The Disappearing Act

Hey Ladies, I just wanted to keep you adrift on my newest single annoyance. I happen to be going on a trip next week. Yup leaving good ole Canada for a few days, trust me I need the vacation.  Picky Eater has decided that there was no need to see me this weekend before my trip so that sucked. Also he disappears on me for hours at a time. Now I know what you are thinking… “He has stuff to do!” Yeah and I get it, he most definitely is a busy person. When he stops messaging me from 7 pm on a Saturday night though, that arouses some concern from me.

He doesn’t really tell me when he is about to go missing he just does. I have no idea when he is going to resurface and it drives me insane. Like I know we are exclusively dating and all that but we are supposed to be building trust and that shit scares me.  I hate it when guys disappear on you because they could literally be doing anything. Also, as a girl your mind just automatically goes to the worst places. Like my go to place is he was out axe throwing and he mis-stepped. The axe then flew through a glass and he is about to get charged by cops for  Vandalism or another common one is you know, he’s cheating on me. My mind works in mysterious ways lol.

One of my friends once told me that she only talked to guys because they made her feel good. They gave her encouragement, or they were fun or just some kind of positive benefit. She said as soon as that stopped, she lost interest. As soon as they started to make her more unhappy than happy she got the hell out of there. I am like the opposite of that, I hold on to relationships, even when I see the Iceberg coming. I try to make everything work. I’m the girl who had a fling with Booty Call for like year, thinking eventually things would change. It’s been a year and literally nothing has changed. He looked me in the eye once and told me that he doesn’t want the things that I want and I still stuck around.  When I told him I was going to officially start dating someone else all he said was “Ummmm Alright” which basically sums up our relationship.

For Picky Eater, I am literally walking on egg shells. I don’t want to fall for him because he already has these bad habits and I’m going to be constantly wondering where he is or what he’s doing. This really sucks because I already really like him.  Sometimes I feel like I am asking too much because so far no guy that I have dated is able to successfully communicate with me. Like this is the beginning of our relationship, at least make me trust you and think you care about me.

My thought is, if you really cared I wouldn’t even have to tell you to do this stuff. You’d just want to do it. Am I right, or am I right?

Golden Rule: Once they stop making you happy, get out of there.

Tips for dudes: Don’t disappear on us, it dilutes our trust for you.

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Falling In Love On 5 Texts A Day

Hey guys just had some insights I would like to share.  This week Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas got engaged. Yes Joe Man Whore Jonas and Lady Sansa Stark are lucky enough to find the sanctity of love but still not I. They have been together only for one year and Joe made his decision. It’s like when you know, you know, you know?

I am currently online dating as you all know and I have found a guy that actually attempts to speak with me every day and it’s kind of nice. It’s just that with all the moving parts in our lives, it’s hard to like really get to know each other.  Some days our texts are few and far between and all I want to do is get to know him. I want to get to know him and hopefully eventually fall in love. Isn’t that what we all want? He tries though and I commend him for that.

I know lots of guys who don’t even try.  Let’s make a pact; the next time some guy who claims he cares about you, doesn’t text you for two weeks; promise me you won’t text him either. Now this is the important part; when he does text you, which we know he will. Tell him you were in a terrible row boat accident and literally no longer have any legs. Why would we say such a horrible thing? Because it’s a complete possibility and he would know it wasn’t true if he gave a shit about your life and actually inquired about it once in a while.

Anyway I digress. This is the age of online dating where showing a girl attention is how you get to her heart. I don’t only want attention though, I want commitment.  I want old school falling in love. I want that “I want to see you all the time” feeling. I have that feeling not sure about Picky Eater though. I also want us to spend so much time together that we naturally get to know each other. However times are a changing and the only way to get to know someone now is by playing an endless game of 21 questions. It should be called Infinity Questions (Patent Pending).

This is our new societal norm and I guess we just have to go with it. Way Back in the day to court someone you would have to go over to their house with their parents for afternoon tea lol. Then in the 60’s it was hanging out in diners until you both got fat. I need to accept that dating changes; but my fear now is just wondering if the act of falling in love has changed too.

Being single is hard when you are trying to fall in love in the age of technology.

I do want to say though that Picky Eater is super romantic, and if I were to fall in love with someone, I think he is on the right track. Our third date was amazing, but that’s for another Blog Post lol.

Golden Rule: Adjust to the times.

Tips For Guys: Times are changing but getting to know a girl, is getting to know how special she is. Spend some time with her and I promise it will be worth it.

 

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The Wrong Girl

Why can’t I be the girl that guys fall in love with? Why aren’t I the one they want to lock down because they are afraid of losing me? Am I the only one wondering, what makes someone … the one? I have gone through “Hunting Caps, Booty Calls and guys that dump me two days before Christmas and I realized that for these gentlemen I was literally nothing special.

I think I’m funny, independent, not hideous, but what are guy’s standards? Extremely beautiful with no humor or intelligence? Bingo! I think that’s it.  Hunting Cap never had time for me; Booty Call wants to see me twice a year if that many times;  guy that dumped me before Christmas… doesn’t even remember that I exist. How do I know? Because I stalk his life duh. (See “Am I A Stalker?” to catch up) How do I deal with this over whelming feeling that I’m only making mistakes and they are all just a waste of time?

Picky Eater is a great guy… but I am getting the “I’m too busy for you vibe”. I already got the “Not sure when we can hang out again line”. It’s been 2 and a half weeks. I mean can’t men multitask?

I somehow manage to own a house and a car. Go to work every day and take care of family and friends shit; and believe me, those are a lot of responsibilities. Somehow through it all, I try to carve out time to have fun with the special gentlemen in my life. Doesn’t even have to be major, as long as I get to see them.

This just sucks because I really adore Picky Eater; he took me to the drive in Movie Theater over the weekend. I know cute right? Then he opened his sun roof so that I could see the stars. Just when I thought romance was dead lol. (See; “Romance is Dead… Time for a Sugar Daddy?)

I don’t want to give up hope on Picky Eater, but he just started a new job that is quite important to him and he hasn’t given us a label or anything. So I’m just out here in this dating Limbo. This place of “are we dating or are we not?”.

Literally everyone says, “When you stop looking, you’ll find it”. Let’s see if that’s true. I am attempting to just have a male hiatus for the holiday season. Last Christmas I got my heart broken wicked bad and was a zombie for the most part. I really don’t want that to happen again. I’m a scarred girl in this rough dating world. That rhymed… I should write poetry, no?

Being Single is Hard, when I keep being the wrong girl for these guys.

Golden Rule: Guys cannot multitask.

Tips for Guys: Learn to multitask, Jeez

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Picky Eater

So ladies I went on my first Tinder date and I am just here to report that it was a success. The first non-creep I have been on a date with in a long time. Let’s just start off with exclaiming how cute he is; like he was cute on the site but even more adorable in real life. I know, I know! It’s usually the opposite right? I lucked out with this one.   It’s usually a cute 20 something dude on the site but then a non-well-groomed 40 something dude that shows up to the date. No that never happened to you before? Oh okay then me either. Let’s just move on.

We went out for some dinner at a local sports bar. Nothing too fancy, I am trying to keep it super chill. As you know, I am looking for true love and would usually have our children named by dessert. But not this time, you guys would have been so proud of me. (I still have two of our children secretly named).  Let’s call him Picky Eater because that’s what he is. To be fair he is on a major health kick which I thought would be a problem for me. My favorite meal in the world is bacon covered with bacon bits, so yeah the opposite of a healthy eater. I am currently in the process of working on that though. Anyway he ordered a salad with dressing on the side. Like way to make me feel fat lol. Just kidding, I respected his dedication to his diet as I ordered crispy delicious Calamari.

He also hates seafood…. I know what a weirdo. Also kidding, I adore him lol.

We talked and laughed and vibed. At the end of the night we talked a bit more in his car. So as you all know from my plethora of dating mistakes. When I go into cars with guys, I never leave the same if you know what I mean. (wink, wink) But not this time. We actually just talked and he never once tried to make a move. This drove me crazy of course because he was so cute. By the end of the night I realized I would have to make the first move.

So me being the elegant enchantress I am leaned over before we said goodbye and kissed him. It was magical. He wasn’t over bearing or held back, it was the perfect kiss. It was so perfect that I drove home in a daze. I probably should have Ubered. Oh did I mention he walked me to my car and opened my door. I know right?! I met this guy on Tinder.

Sounds too good to be true? Well there is a slight caveat. How do I say this?… I guess I will just say it. He has hook for arms. Nah just kidding. He has children.  Yes he is a father and no he isn’t a hundred years old. He is pretty young. He has two children that he adores and they are quite adorable. And yes he told me this before we went on our date. He was just so nice and polite that it simply didn’t matter.

What do you guys think? Am I making a good decision here?

Let’s keep in mind; it’s only been one date. I am just going with the flow with this one.

Golden Rule: On a first date wear something slutty enough so that you don’t have to make the first move. I wore a backless romper but it didn’t do the trick.

Tips for guys: I actually have none, I found a guy that made me believe that decent guys aren’t extinct or kidnapped by aliens.

Dazed and Confused

Dilemmas are always afoot in my life. Isn’t it hard when you are trying to make a decision but you still won’t get what you want? I want a relationship but it seems that the person I want it with isn’t feasible. He doesn’t want a relationship… ARGH! It’s weird when you think you have something special with someone and no one else does, including the other person. This sucks so badly.

I got comfortable. We know each other; we know what each other’s flaws and weaknesses are. Like it sucks so much now that I have to find someone who wants what I want when I don’t want to.  Are you following this? Am I not a whiney baby? lol

Can I just stop looking? Online dating is exhausting isn’t it? I think by the end of all my mental scholastics I am going to end up alone.

Why do we always want things we can’t have with someone who doesn’t think you are good enough for them.  As the famous and renowned jewel or our generation Selena Gomez once sang… “The Heart Wants What It Wants”

Please see Selena’s almost teary eyed pic below. That girl can cry on demand like nobody’s business. I love her!

Golden Rule: Whaaaaaaa!

Tips For Guys: When a good girl wants you; let her have you!

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Enlightened

That moment when you figure out that being alone isn’t so bad when you are waiting for the right thing instead of being stuck in the wrong thing. Holy crap I have seen the light!

The problem with having someone you care about is that you know what that feeling is like. You know what it’s like to be connected to someone and have something special. You know how much fun you have with them. Those are all the things that make you sad when it’s gone; but better days are on the way.

This is just like when Dawson is with Joey and you think that’s the greatest relationship ever; and then boom Pacey and Joey happen. When they are together you realize what love is actually like.  Joey is a girl btw for the handful of people who didn’t watch Dawson’s creek. (weirdos) Go check out the hottie that plays Pacey. Sexaaay! Yup I just made a word up.

In other news… this is my online dating progress:

There are some great guys out there! Sheesh how am I not married already?

Golden Rule: Be Happy! Always!

Tips for Guys: Try to have a relationship like Pacey and Joey. It’ll be awesome!

I’m A Slow Learner… but I Learn

Anyone notice the Game of Thrones reference there? That was said by The Lady of Winterfell herself,  Sansa Stark in the season 7 season finale. Sorry Spoiler alert! If you haven’t seen it. Why haven’t you seen it yet anyway?

Maybe I’m still single because I’m a giant nerd. *shrugs* I thought it was easy for nerds to find love. lol

So when a guy goes cold turkey on you for a couple of days and you feel like absolute crap and assumes he’s lost interest in you, you’re probably right. After watching “He’s Just Not That Into You” this weekend and doing extensive research (googling guys behaviors), you kinda just figure it out.

Most guys assume that girls are clingy and we need all this attention. I`m sure if they see it from that perspective its hella exhausting. I would be annoyed too if I thought another person just mindlessly needed me to attend to them. However that`s not it at all. I feel like with girls… and trust me I have asked around, its more the connection that we need. We link communication with connection. We want to build on that and sustain it. What I notice is that most dudes don`t want a connection, especially when they point blank say “I don`t want a relationship / connection”. So lets get smarter and stop moping around. I am taking my own advice and is actively trying to be mope free lol.

My friends are so annoyed of me moping that they may stop being friends with me, thus I must shape up.

Pulling up my big girl trousers and is not going to mope when a connection that I thought was so important is slowly fading. Things happen as they`re suppose to, lets just accept it.

Golden Rule: Accept the bad with the good. It all comes together most of the time.

Tip for Guys: We want connection not mindless attention. If you think the girl is worth it, then build on your connection.

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Am I A Stalker?

So is it weird that I still look at the Instagram page and FB page of an ex? Remember that guy that dumped me 2 days before Christmas? He and his new girlfriend are getting on quite well and I’m totally hating. (Please see Sweet Nothings to get caught up) I find that like every 2 weeks I have this compulsion to go stare at their lives.  I just want to know how they are doing and if they are close to breaking up. I mean I don’t want them to break up or anything. Okay who am I kidding, I kind of do. He told me that he couldn’t be with me because he fell in love with someone else. Like when did you fall in love with someone else? The same time you were supposed to be falling for me? Am I not all consuming enough that you need to have two women on your roster at all times? Anyway I digress.

Every now and again I have an engagement scare. Like I think their engaged because I see a shadow of a ring on the wrong finger. So far no engagement but I need to prepare myself for when it does happen. I’m at that age now where exes get married and have kids after we break up.  I just know that it’s going to suck major for me when that happens. But you know congratulations to the happy freakin couple.

The other day I noticed from her Instagram page that he got her a Claddagh ring. This is like an Irish traditional ring. Apparently if the heart is pointing in, it means you’re taken and of course she had it pointing in. I only know this because I watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer growing up and her vampire Boyfriend whose name is Angel got her one of those rings.

So current status is; jealous of a fictional character and a real girl for having a traditional Irish ring. Man, being single is hard.

Please see picture of the beautiful Claddagh ring below.

Golden Rule: Stay strong and don’t stalk your ex. It never ends well.

Tips for Guys: Get your girl a Claddagh ring, just do it.

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Single With A Side of Amazing Sex

I mess up and I keep messing up but is there a purpose to it all? I don’t even want to make a big deal about it but I have been seeing Booty Call again. He apologized and said he didn’t mean any of it and trust me I still don’t 100% believe him. He knows however that I do have some feelings for him. So of course if he said sorry and that he wanted to make things right, it wouldn’t take much for me to be back in his bedroom having amazing, jaw dropping sex. You must be wondering how good this sex is. Imagine a guy telling you that he isn’t attracted to you, when you have feelings for him and then the minute he kisses you it all goes away. It’s almost like our bodies were made to have sex with each other but our minds are still adjusting.

He slept with someone else btw, while we were apart. So that adds some additional angst to my life. It’s caused me to pull away somewhat, which is good. Everything is back into perspective. This is just like when Felicity had to choose between Ben and Noel; except I’m Noel in this scenario and I know that Felicity and Ben are probably in the next dorm room banging. Man, Felicity was an angst filled TV show, almost as angsty  (not a real word, I checked) as my life. Imagine constantly thinking the person you want to bang most in the world, potentially banging someone else. I hate it! And he says he is not. Can I believe that though?

Status: Currently still single while having great sex.

Do I want the movie dates and the aquarium dates? Do I want to go for ice cream and out for dinner? Do I want to go to concerts and go out dancing? Does Caesar from Planet of the Apes have a lot of hard decisions to make? ( I have a mild planet of the apes obsession) The answer is yes to all of the above. It’s like I know what I want but I don’t know how to get it.

Well we did hang out the other Day, not in a bedroom setting and we were both standing up. That was a change. He met some of my friends and they liked him. He was pretty awesome all day and did all the right things but I don’t want to over think anything.  He could get over me at any time and I need to be prepared.  That isn’t really a fair way to think about things but it is the way I think. I am still thinking that I am going to run into the love of my life at the bank or something; thus being able to move on. In my head the love of my life is a British dude with an excellent job and an excellent wine collection. His name shall be Phillip or William; something ultra British, but I digress.

I do want to address the big question on everyone’s mind once again though. Did he really delete the nudes? The answer is No. Shocking I know. You are all perverts by the way. lol

Golden Rule: Excellent sex makes you do crazy things.

Tips for Guys: Delete the nudes if you say you are going to delete them. I know it’s hard but be strong.

The $2.00 Tip Debacle

So I hope your summer’s are going better than mine because I am annoyed AF. “Hunting Cap” decided that I should be his girlfriend again. He broke up with his girlfriend and within 4 days wanted to replace her with me. He called her “crazy” and outrageous. There was one particular issue that broke this couple and they were unable to recover.

Hunting Cap shared with me that his horrible ex-girlfriend yelled at him for tipping a waiter $2.00. So I wasn’t there or anything and I really shouldn’t pass any judgement but I am about to pass some judgement. I am judge Judy right now, I’m about to drop some restaurant etiquette on you.

Nothing that you order from any respectable restaurant in a metropolitan area would warrant at $2.00 tip. I mean even if a waiter spilled my drink all over me and then spat in my replacement drink would I tip the waiter $2.00. That is just not how society works. It just makes you look like a cheap ass. Plus if the waiter is hot, a little spittle might count as some action. Sorry this is just the way I think as I am single. Too gross? Oh well. Anyway I digress.

I promptly turned him down as I am no one’s second choice. Plus nothing has really changed; I mean this guy is capable of ignoring me for a full 24-48 hour period on his birthday. Needless to say, he’s cray. (See And His Name Was Hunting Cap post if you need to be brought up to speed or Ghost of Ex-Boyfriend’s Past Pt. 1 or 2. Yeah this guy is a nightmare.)I told him we are currently just friends. This doesn’t stop him from calling me every night at around 12:30 AM to just catch me up on his lack luster days. I feel like a douche-bag ignoring his calls and date proposals but I really don’t want to go down this road.

Why am I not happily skipping into a relationship with a guy that actually wants to be in a relationship you may ask?

The answer is… Booty Call is back and I am thoroughly distracted. I can’t focus on two guys at once because I have a very short attention span. How guys juggle millions of girls is a mystery. Hey, so I get it if you rolled your eyes and is thoroughly upset with me. I will lay it all out in an impending blog post. Stay tuned to find out how a guy that said he wasn’t attracted to me throughout our lengthy tryst, ended up back in my life and I back in his bed. It’s a roller coaster and I wouldn’t miss it if I were you.

Golden Rule:  Some Ex’s are just not worth it.

Tips for Guys:  Never tip a waiter $2.00. If you are going through hard times, just eat at home. Its way less embarrassing.