Monthly Archives: May 2017

Hot Mess

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What is a hot mess you might ask, well that would be my personal life. I literally think I am doomed to make terrible decisions and choose the wrong guys. Is every guy before Mr. Right supposed to be terribly wrong? Sometimes I feel like my life is a horror movie, maybe like Friday the 13th. This would make sense as every time I have sex, I feel like I get bludgeoned to death by an upset man-boy who was teased at summer camp. Not following? Okay I will dive into all my wrong doings. I think I should change my blog name to “being single is hard as hell and you should probably stop trying”. What do you guys think, too long? Lol.

So, I did not end it with my fling like I said I would. In fact it just got more intense, and our sex….well let’s just say it is currently unbelievable. Now you may be rolling your eyes and thinking… “it can’t be that good”. But I am telling you, after our sex I am literally floating on a cloud talking to little fairy people. No I am not currently high on cannabis. I just want to reiterate that the sex is mind blowing. Like even he admitted it and we all know that’s rare because a guy’s capacity to express anything verbally is quite limited. Sorry guys don’t mean to throw you under the bus there but that has been my experience.

The reason my life is a hot mess is because this guy is clouding my judgement. He has literally got me wrapped around his finger. I think about him constantly and I just want to be with him. He is literally a black hole, sucking me in and I feel like I have no control. He makes me think that we have something special, but just when I think everything is perfect he pushes me away. I am so confused and I have no idea what he is thinking or if he is even thinking about me.  I ignore all other male attention because somewhere deep inside I feel like I am taken, which is NOT the case.

I however have approached a break through. I am not going to invest too much into this relationship. I will keep you guys posted on any updates. More online dating debacles to come, be on standby.

Now you see right….. I’m a Hot Mess.

Golden Rule:  Ladies do not get caught in a sex black hole. Find your way out of the sex haze before it’s too late!

Tips for Guys: Please be straight up with us; just let us know if you are feeling what we are.

Threesome?

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No I didn’t have a threesome you perverts, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t asked. Which is flattering but also a bit creepy considering all I said was “Hey!”  After my rough go of online dating you must be wondering….. “Why is she trying again?” The answer is, because I am crazy. Alright now that we are passed that, let’s tackle this cumbersome threesome issue.  (Saw what I did there?) When a guy asks you if you would ever have a threesome… what should your response be?  I have a friend that was asked, by her boyfriend at the time. He asked, “Would you have a threesome?” To which she replied “Sure!” Then she added “You, me and another guy right?”.  The topic of a threesome was never  discussed again. So that’s a good way to handle it.

The way that I handle it is that I block the person on the dating site and never speak to them again. The thing is though; guys really do ask this question a lot. My theory is, if I’m really your favorite girl…. Why would you want to share me? Like I have a favorite pair of shoes and there is no way I am lending that out, not even for one night. Not even if I was going to be in the same place with the person who was wearing it for the whole duration of them wearing it. It’s just not happening. Now I am just angry about someone wearing my favorite pair of shoes but I digress.

I am an uber jealous person so the idea of a threesome just doesn’t work for me. Guys think of it as a fantasy, but would they really want to try it with the woman that they intend to commit to? If a guy brings that up with you… is he really serious about you or your relationship? Ladies! Let me know.

Golden Rule: Never lend out your favorite pair of shoes.

Tips for guys: If you aren’t cool with a two guys, one girl threesome scenario then don’t even bother asking about it. If you are cool with it, we need to have a whole other discussion.

threesome2

Booty Call Consequences

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I Can Finally Write About it because it’s Finally Over. Ladies, I have been doing bad things, and now I’m in trouble. With all my self-righteous blogging and my advice on better dating; I haven’t been taking my own advice.  So in my earlier blog “Hunting Cap” I alluded to a fling that I was having because you know, “a girl’s got needs”. This relationship though turned into something totally unhealthy. It was completely my fault because I developed feelings for my booty call. Never fall for your booty call, as it only ends in tears!

It started on a breezy Friday afternoon, lol. Just kidding I don’t remember what day it was or if it was breezy. I met him online and after talking for a week we decided to meet up. I went on this date intending to date him because I told myself that I’m the kind of girl who strictly dated, no hookups. On our date we had a few drinks and started making out in his car, which is not the norm for me. He totally wanted to hookup but I was not having it. After that date he barely texted me and so I assumed he got what he wanted and moved on.  This was before “hunting cap” and the guy that dumped me 2 days before Christmas.

Sometime around Halloween my needs blinded my better judgment and I texted Mr. Hookup.  We subsequently started an affair I guess.  When I met guys who actually wanted to date me, I would tell him that I am currently seeing someone and that we can’t hookup.  He was pretty chill about this because after all it was just a fling. I was also pretty set on the idea that he was not Boyfriend material. After every break up, I would literally run back to him though, which wasn’t a good look for me. He was like therapy for me, proving to myself that I was still desirable even after relationships didn’t work out.

Long story short things started to change. Somewhere along the line he started changing. Picking fights with me, accused me of lying. He didn’t trust me, but in my mind there was no reason for all this because it was just a fling. Then I started having feelings for him because I thought these actions meant maybe there was something more. There wasn’t.  I think at one point he actually started liking me but then he pushed away his feelings… like most guys do. I started liking him so much that I stopped looking for an actual boyfriend and started thinking he was an option. Not the case. The biggest mistake I made was telling him that I had feelings for him. That gave him all the power and he now knew that I was at his Beck & Call. He literally told me that once.

I had to end it because I was constantly getting hurt. Apart from amazing sex and I mean AMAZING! There wasn’t anything else that he had to offer. I have made up my mind to stop seeing him. I have decided to just be single… though it’s so hard.  I feel like I need to figure out who I am and what I want. Until then I will keep sharing my bizarre online dating stories with you and hopefully through it all, find a meaningful relationship.

Phew this was a heavy post! I have no golden rule or tips for guys this time around. Instead I wanted to know if my readers had any tips for me.

Love that I can share this with you guys and keep reading things get funnier.