What are you looking for?

These are the 5 worst words to utter while online dating. As soon as you ask this question, the conversation either gets really weird or stops immediately. Man have I gotten some weird answers. I’ll have some great examples listed below.

I’ve also started dating someone y’all! I know me. We have been on like 4 dates and it’s going okay. It’s not anything spectacular and he is nothing like anyone I have ever dated. He has tats everywhere and a tongue piercing. Yup I said tongue piercing lol. I’ll let you know what thats all about in another post. I’m trying to feel him out to see if I actually like him. Let’s call him “Tongue Ring”.

Golden Rule: Date a guy with a tongue ring, things get interesting.

Tips For Guys: Date a girl with a tongue ring, everyone needs to have this experience.


Can I Legally Marry A Pizza?

The answer is yes! I do have to do some research first to figure out if it’s legal in my city but that’s totally doable. I’ve literally seen like 5 articles about people marrying inanimate objects and now I know why. Man are guys weird. Or maybe I just keep meeting the absolute worst ones.

My secret guy that I wanted to unveil all dramatic like, isn’t worth unveiling. He’s so lame, he doesn’t even get a nickname. So I’m just out here in the desert of Singledom, sorting through the dregs of humanity and the heights of stupidity. Did that sound harsh? Well it’s at least 80% true. There are no good guys left! I’ve looked lol.

Being single sucks when you honestly consider marrying a Pizza.

Also what’s with guys now a days with the “I need space” or “I’m busy” excuse. Go settle down and find someone to love you lol. The future is like this ageless place for guys where they think girls will always want to bang them. Ummmm not true!

Ladies, please check out all the really sweet messages I get on my online dating profile. Really makes a girl want to cry and never date again lol. Please see below!

Golden Rule: Look into marrying inanimate objects, they will always be with you because they can’t move.

Tips For Guys: When a girl wants to bang you, let her! You won’t be bangable forever.

On To The Next One

Hello Ladies! I haven’t posted in a while and I apologize. I have been busy, but not in a relationship busy so don’t worry. Your girl is still single and V-day is still a problem.  It’s on Wednesday! Boooo! I am wondering if I can go through that entire day and just pretend that nothing’s happening? Yeah probably not.  I have too many friends that are loved up for that one. Instagram is probably going to be a barf fest but I digress.  I need to start loving love even though I am really bad at it and it doesn’t seem to love me back.

What have I been doing you might ask? Fighting with my insurance company, which takes a lot of energy I might add. We are debating Jasmine’s fate. (My Car) Other than that , I have been whining like a baby about being single and that no one likes me. That’s takes a lot of energy too. My friend at work whom I torture with my complaints (sorry girl) literally told me that I need to stop Back tracking. She said “Leave them all behind, and just say on to the next one.” And you know what she is right. When I backtrack nothing good ever comes of it, like ever.

This week I backtracked with Picky Eater a bit. I know! The horror, the shame! It doesn’t matter because nothing came of it. I literally wanted to be with him again and he literally said no, no progress was made at all. He is now in the dust.  (Another one bites the dust)

I am officially on to the next guy. No more wasting time. My biological clock is ticking! Is there a next guy you may ask? The answer is yes. I am not ready to unveil him to the world yet. I am keeping him hidden away like he’s the next iphone. The one that can finally cook you dinner and comes with a live robot of Siri. Yeah that definitely sounds like an episode of Black Mirror.

Being Single is hard when your biological clock is ticking so loud you can’t hear yourself think.

In the meantime please take a look at some of the really nice messages I have been getting on POF. There are some real charmers out there.

Golden Rule: Don’t look back, just move forward.

Tips For Guys: Leave your ex-girlfriends alone. Let them get over you.

bobbyCurvy or Busty


Have you ever been so tired of your own crap that you just want a fresh start. That was suppose to be the beginning of the year but that was a bust. This year was suppose to be self focused. I started meditation just to help clear my head. I want a more zen filled life and that really starts with eliminating negativity. That friend who doesn’t give a shit about you. Those guys that you thought cared about. Throw it all away. I can’t keep dragging it along. If they don’t bring you happiness or good vibes, cut it loose.

I’m giving myself a Re-do button. I’m starting fresh. You may a ask what’s the reason for this. The reason is I want to stop feeling like shit and I want people to stop shitting on me. Judging me for my actions because they think all their actions are perfect. People giving you fake love because they think they have to.

Over the past week Picky Eater asked me to become his booty call. He wanted to downgrade me from a girl he once dated and got to know, to a friends with benefits situation. That really hurt me because I’ve always thought if a guy knew me he would like appreciate me. Not the case. Needless to say, I’m over trying to be friends with him.

I also realized that everything good about Booty Call and the time we spend together is all temporary. I get the girlfriend experience for a night but he’s never truly mine. When I walk out of his apartment the spell is broken.

I am single and it’s hard at my age but I need to accept that I’m fine. I need to stop talking about it so much and put my efforts elsewhere. What really sucks is when people judge you for where you are now in your life as if they were never in this place. And honestly maybe they have never been. Maybe all their life they have been so sure they were making the right choices. Where as I am so unsure and am just trying to follow my heart. My heart is blind though so let’s not do that.

Okay rant over. No golden rule or tips for guys this time.

Every now and again I need advice, so lay it on me peeps. Also you can restart or re-do your outlook on life at anytime. I’m starting today. It doesn’t mean I won’t falter because I’m not perfect. It does mean that I’ve had realizations today and will try super hard to quit my bad habits and eliminate negativity.

Was I A Thief In Another Life?

Hi Ladies! I wish that I made up some of the stuff that I go through, but I honestly don’t. I’m Christian but sometimes I feel like there is some dating god or deity who is punishing me for something I did in a past life. Let’s call her the “Goddess of Shit”… I just feel like only a woman can inflict this much crap on another lol. Like what did I do to deserve this bullshit? I am pretty average looking and am not crazy (I think). That should at least get me a mediocre dude right? Nope.

Remember that guy that dumped me 2 days before Christmas who I said I would never discuss again? (See Sweet Nothings to get caught up). He contacted me via Facebook to let me know that he has read my blog! Dun Dun Duuuun! Like WTF? How did he find it? Can I be mad, as this is a public forum? Literally, I don’t care that he did. I do care however that he now gets to see how shit my dating life has been since him, while he is riding some magical love wave with the girl that was better than me. Man that sucked! He also said he was sorry once again, and I literally shut down. I can’t talk to this dude, I immediately re-live the moment he dumped me whenever I see his picture. I think that’s called Trauma… should I see a therapist? Kidding, I’m 75% over it. Phew, it only took a whole year.

Then on Tinder, I started talking to an older gentleman who I thought maybe would be a nice change from the normal guys I’ve spoken to. However I am just so fearful to try dating again that I am super skeptical about everything. I’ve mentioned this before but whenever I am on Tinder I literally hear that song from Kill Bill that Uma Thurman hears whenever she saw someone who was apart of her death list. (watch Kill Bill… literally the best movie ever made)

I saw hunting cap on Tinder as well, which was a bit amusing.  He saw Fifty Shades Darker with me last Valentine’s day. Maybe I should ask him to see this new one with me too?  He really liked that movie for obvious reasons. (See And his name was “Hunting Cap” )

Being Single Is Hard when guys you dated are super happy while you ride the singles train.

On the bright side, the really sweet Tinder messages keep pouring in. I mean how can I resist this guy?

Golden Rule: Leave me alone Goddess of Shit!

Tips for Guys: Watch the Fifty Shades movie with your special girl, she really wants you to.


Lets Do This 2018

Its kinda liberating being single and not caring. It feels good. No prospective lovers, no one you have to answer to. Not gonna lie, I kinda like it. I’m a free woman. My future is vast and potentially exciting. I am keeping myself busy enough and leaving all the guys that hurt me in 2017 where they belong.

That’s it for now. I have a story to tell you guys about a guy I met that works at the Chinese restaurant, but that’s for another time. For now let’s just be freeeeeee.

Strangely Optimistic

Merry Christmas everyone and Happy New Year when it comes! Christmas has been busy. My Grandpa is here to visit for a month from the sunny island of Jamaica. Like why would he come to Canada right? Who knows? He’s crazy?

Also my cousin was visiting from NYC for a few days. So I had a full house and lots of family responsibilities. This really helped with not thinking about all the losers who made 2017 kinda suck. I am currently sincerely honoring my guy break. No texting any guys, no dating websites. I am still stalking a little bit but boredom is to blame. Like for instance, the guy that dumped me two days before Christmas last year just celebrated his one year anniversary with the girl he dumped me for. Yes that’s just math and I figured they would be celebrating. But damn that just sunk in that I have been upset about this for a whole year. Thus this is the last time I will bring him up. (Unless he messages me wanting to get back together, which will never happen….kinda hoping it would though).

Anyway, my cousin from NYC told me that if I was living there, I would definitely already be with someone long term. So as of now I am seriously considering moving to NYC.  At Christmas dinner I got the regular “Why aren’t you married yet?” “You are running out of time!” “Don’t you want children?” I turned it into a drinking game though.  So every time someone asked me about my relationship status or about children, I had a large gulp of my wine. So Christmas was actually lit because I was wasted.  Also one of my family members offered to hook me up with someone in Church. I thought that was interesting…… I’ll let you guys know how that goes. lol

I am officially looking forward to the New Year. I really want to leave all my ex’s in 2017. Guys have a way of always coming back though. I will ignore them because I want a clean slate. Dating will resume in a month or so. I am going to try better dating websites. Maybe even paid ones, which I said I would never do because love is supposed to be free. Not according to Match.com though.

So here I go again into another year still single but strangely optimistic.  Going into 2018 with a positive outlook but I won’t expect too much. lol

Golden Rule:  Leave the past in the past.

Tips for Guys:  Once you break up with a girl let her be.

Hard To Let Go

Hi Ladies, so things have been rough on me. My friends say I take these break ups too hard but that’s because I go into every relationship thinking this could be the one. Ummm so far it hasn’t. I find it super hard to believe that after speaking to me every day for 2 months someone can drop you like a hot potato (never liked that game anyway). So I need to forget about him and enjoy my “Guy Break”. As all of my friends in relationships complain about the things that their men do. I have nothing to complain about…. Other than the fact that I will spend eternity alone, but no big deal.

I have said it before but it’s hard for me to let go of stuff but this one I have to throw into the ocean just like Old Rose did with the Giant diamond at the end of Titanic. I mean if I was to message him, what would I even say?

  1. I miss you so much. Please be with me?
  2. I hate you and hope that you get really bad indigestion for 5 years.
  3. Are you seeing someone else because that’s not fair.

Yeah, so all of those are pathetic so I will continue with my silence.  I find that after a breakup, girls are usually sad and guys just move right along. Then like 3 months down the line is when they feel any sort of regret. By then most girls have moved on. I sincerely hope that’s the case for Picky Eater and I. Man, I gotta stop writing about this guy but I am literally scared to death to date anyone else.

I think about him so much and all the fun things we did. So many things remind me of him and yeah I hate him I think.

P.S. I saw Booty Call again. It’s still not a huge deal though.

Golden Rule: Never text a dude after a breakup, it comes off as pathetic…. I think.

Tips for Guys: Sorry, I’m on a guy break.

And So It Ends

Girl tries Tinder for the first time. Guy talks to girl on Tinder first. Unsuspecting girl thinks, “ah, this is a nice guy”. Girl tells guy that she does not do hookups. Guy agrees and exclaims that he doesn’t either. Girl dates guy, girl thinks its going great. Girl overlooks all of guys flaws (and believe me there were a lot). Girl sleeps with guy because after a month of dating she somewhat thought it was a safe bet. Guy convinced girl that he cared based on his behavior. Guy started acting weird and texting got sporadic. Girl started feeling pushed away. Guy then gave girl an ultimatum because his life was just getting too busy to keep her in it (I’ve heard this one before). Girl realized that if a guy gives an ultimatum its usually a way to get out of a relationship. Girl doesn’t want to be with a guy who doesn’t want to be with her. Girl agrees to part ways.

Girl is single again. Woohooo, just in time for the holidays. Christmas dinner is going to be really fun.

The End.

Golden Rule: Don’t start dating a guy within 6-12 months of Christmas, so like never.

Tips for Guys: Just Don’t.

Chill Pill

Hi Ladies, Its been a rocky week for Picky Eater and I…. though Picky Eater has no idea anything is going on lol. Am I the only one who does this? I basically have entire arguments in my head about the crap that he does. To him though I play it cool because I don’t want to seem crazy. This week he took the disappearing act thing up a notch to a one word answer thing. Arggghhh. Drove me crazy all week. I literally started having all these self made crazy girl theories.


  1. He is not interested anymore and is slowly winding me down to a subtle ghosting.
  2. He is talking to another girl, thus I am no longer a priority or interesting.
  3. He is an alien.
  4. He is secretly married with children. (that’s only half a theory as one half of that is true)
  5. He’s just super busy, and doesn’t have time to chit chat.

I think its definitely number 3 but what do I know.

I am so into him, attached and invested that the thought of him pulling away for any reason is literally giving me the shakes. I mean a cried multiple times this week. Lets also keep in mind that I am PMSing, so you know…. extra emotional.

Then I woke up this morning and I decided I don’t care anymore. I am going to give myself a bloody heart attack. Which is not the way I thought I would ever get a heart attack. I always thought it would be from those little egg mcmuffins from McDonald’s that I have had for breakfast every morning this week, or from extra butter on my movie theater popcorn.

So I have officially stopped caring, stopped stressing and is taking a huge Chill Pill. I have to learn that I can’t control everything…especially dudes and what’s going on in their heads. So welcome to the era of Zen. I am just going to hang out with my friends and be happy for the impending holiday season.

I did make a deal with him though that if at anytime either of us is just not feeling this anymore, we would be straight up with each other. He agreed… so lets see if he sticks to it. I know I will.

Being Single is hard but it helps if you are Zen.

Golden Rule: You can’t overdose on chill pills so take as many as you want.

Tips for Guys: One wording a girl drives her up the wall.