The Disappearing Act

Hey Ladies, I just wanted to keep you adrift on my newest single annoyance. I happen to be going on a trip next week. Yup leaving good ole Canada for a few days, trust me I need the vacation.  Picky Eater has decided that there was no need to see me this weekend before my trip so that sucked. Also he disappears on me for hours at a time. Now I know what you are thinking… “He has stuff to do!” Yeah and I get it, he most definitely is a busy person. When he stops messaging me from 7 pm on a Saturday night though, that arouses some concern from me.

He doesn’t really tell me when he is about to go missing he just does. I have no idea when he is going to resurface and it drives me insane. Like I know we are exclusively dating and all that but we are supposed to be building trust and that shit scares me.  I hate it when guys disappear on you because they could literally be doing anything. Also, as a girl your mind just automatically goes to the worst places. Like my go to place is he was out axe throwing and he mis-stepped. The axe then flew through a glass and he is about to get charged by cops for  Vandalism or another common one is you know, he’s cheating on me. My mind works in mysterious ways lol.

One of my friends once told me that she only talked to guys because they made her feel good. They gave her encouragement, or they were fun or just some kind of positive benefit. She said as soon as that stopped, she lost interest. As soon as they started to make her more unhappy than happy she got the hell out of there. I am like the opposite of that, I hold on to relationships, even when I see the Iceberg coming. I try to make everything work. I’m the girl who had a fling with Booty Call for like year, thinking eventually things would change. It’s been a year and literally nothing has changed. He looked me in the eye once and told me that he doesn’t want the things that I want and I still stuck around.  When I told him I was going to officially start dating someone else all he said was “Ummmm Alright” which basically sums up our relationship.

For Picky Eater, I am literally walking on egg shells. I don’t want to fall for him because he already has these bad habits and I’m going to be constantly wondering where he is or what he’s doing. This really sucks because I already really like him.  Sometimes I feel like I am asking too much because so far no guy that I have dated is able to successfully communicate with me. Like this is the beginning of our relationship, at least make me trust you and think you care about me.

My thought is, if you really cared I wouldn’t even have to tell you to do this stuff. You’d just want to do it. Am I right, or am I right?

Golden Rule: Once they stop making you happy, get out of there.

Tips for dudes: Don’t disappear on us, it dilutes our trust for you.

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Life After Plenty Of Fish

Hi Ladies, needless to say I am having a rough time looking for Mr. Right. I am literally wondering if this is ever going to happen. I am about to erase getting  married from my vision board. I’m kidding its staying on there, right under owning a bullet proof 2021 range rover. I know, so classy right?

Lets get to it; I have decided to leave my favorite dating site “Plenty of Fish” behind. All the guys that I have discussed in my blog were from that site and honestly they were all disasters. I have decided to move on to way more sophisticated sites such as Tinder and Bumble lol. Please don’t roll your eyes because I have a friend who said two of her friends found their life partners on Tinder. I know it’s a long  shot but I am trying to keep all my options open.

So we are about to start the magical journey of Tinder and Bumble.

Let The Games Begin!images

Romance is Dead… Time for a Sugar Daddy?

I am just wondering if every guy that ever wanted a relationship and wanted to start a family was rounded up and kidnapped by aliens. The aliens then felt bad and replaced the guys they took with disrespectful, unkempt, unromantic dudes who think they can speak to women however they want with no consequences.  Like were you raised by wolves… or never saw love in your childhood and thus have no idea how to give it. Scrap love, we don’t even get close to that because dudes can’t get past the like phase.

So guyss right now ages 21-40 just want to have endless one night stands until the end of time? What happened to settling down? What happened to romance? What happened to just being monogamist.  Am I the last normal person on all the online dating sites? If our parents behaved like this, would any of us be here? (food for thought)

My rant is sparked by a recent conversation with a potential love interest. I honestly thought this dude was normal. I mean he is a gym teacher for heaven sakes and has countless pics on Instagram with his mum. It’s honestly always the guys with pics of their mums.

This guy literally texted me just to brag that he had sex with another girl. My thing was like… how is this relevant to me and why are you telling me this. It doesn’t hurt because I barely know this guy but I did think it was awfully rude and uncalled for. I still don’t get what the point of telling me this was.

What do guys want? They don’t want a girl who has  her stuff together who is at least a 6 I would say. Lol. Would they rather date a drama queen that works at Walmart?  Do guys just think in general  that all girls are not good enough for them and also replaceable. YUP!

Let’s call it a night on online dating shall we?  Am I going to have to pay for like match.com or something?  I’m too broke to pay for that lol. Should I date some 94 year old sugar daddy and hope that he writes me into his will?

My mom keeps telling me to marry for love, to find the one person I’m meant to be with. Whatever mom, you don’t get these weird messages online like I do.

Please see below the evidence that romance is indeed dead.

Raj1Raj2Raj3Raj4Raj5Raj6

Golden Rule:  Be a better judge of character, when you cant trust a high school gym teacher things are bleek.

Tips For Guys: Please prove me wrong, I’m praying there are still dudes out there that can value a good girl.

Am I A Stalker?

So is it weird that I still look at the Instagram page and FB page of an ex? Remember that guy that dumped me 2 days before Christmas? He and his new girlfriend are getting on quite well and I’m totally hating. (Please see Sweet Nothings to get caught up) I find that like every 2 weeks I have this compulsion to go stare at their lives.  I just want to know how they are doing and if they are close to breaking up. I mean I don’t want them to break up or anything. Okay who am I kidding, I kind of do. He told me that he couldn’t be with me because he fell in love with someone else. Like when did you fall in love with someone else? The same time you were supposed to be falling for me? Am I not all consuming enough that you need to have two women on your roster at all times? Anyway I digress.

Every now and again I have an engagement scare. Like I think their engaged because I see a shadow of a ring on the wrong finger. So far no engagement but I need to prepare myself for when it does happen. I’m at that age now where exes get married and have kids after we break up.  I just know that it’s going to suck major for me when that happens. But you know congratulations to the happy freakin couple.

The other day I noticed from her Instagram page that he got her a Claddagh ring. This is like an Irish traditional ring. Apparently if the heart is pointing in, it means you’re taken and of course she had it pointing in. I only know this because I watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer growing up and her vampire Boyfriend whose name is Angel got her one of those rings.

So current status is; jealous of a fictional character and a real girl for having a traditional Irish ring. Man, being single is hard.

Please see picture of the beautiful Claddagh ring below.

Golden Rule: Stay strong and don’t stalk your ex. It never ends well.

Tips for Guys: Get your girl a Claddagh ring, just do it.

claddagh-ring-front

Drunk and Disorderly 

Hello Again! So my friends birthday dinner happened last night and I honestly wanted to update you guys on what I thought would be a dreadful night. 

So one of my friends boyfriends actually wasn’t able to make it. (Thank God) I now wasn’t the only single person there. However this friend is engaged so she has no issues rolling on her own, fully confident in the fact that she is taken. I on the other hand is not fully confident… in anything really. 

My friend that was BF less that night ended up being my wing girl, so I didn’t feel like I was alone. Sure enough at the end of the night when the waiter came, my fears did come to past. He gave bills to the couples and then singled my single ass out. (Please see previous blogpost Friends with Boyfriends to get caught up.)

As the night went on, one sake (Japanese rice wine) and a cidar (strongbow) later I was a bit inebriated. The sake was 20% alcohol and I drank it as fast as water. I am also a light weight. While being a little drunk I decided to embarrass myself and randomly yell out to my friends and their boyfriends that ” I wasnt actually single”. I felt the need to point this out as I had met one of my friends boyfriends for the first time and didn’t want to seem like a loser. After I said that though there was some serious awkward silence. It was maybe just as awkward as when Dean and Jess met for the first time on Gilmore girls knowing full well they were both in-love with Rory. 

Anyway it was super weird. Then I ended having to explain myself. Not in detail of course but in a general way. “Like I sort of see someone sometimes. ” The guys were all like , ” yeah there is nothing’s wrong with that”. While my friends just awkwardly stared at me like “why are you bringing this up?”. So that was a fun dinner. Honestly it was, I just chose to embarrass myself as usual.  

On nights like that, you realize how not being connected to another human in a significant way in your 20’s is like really weird. Everyone is out all coupled up. It just makes you wonder; “what’s wrong with me?” To which the answer is “you’re an alcoholic” lol. Just kidding. The answer is, you are waiting for something extraordinary. Right?! Right! 

Golden Rule: Try not to get drunk when you are single at a couples birthday dinner. Things get weird really fast. 

Tips For Guys: Probably don’t suggest Sake to girls. It makes girls drunk really fast. Oh wait…. that’s probably what you want. Forget I mentioned it. 

Single With A Side of Amazing Sex

I mess up and I keep messing up but is there a purpose to it all? I don’t even want to make a big deal about it but I have been seeing Booty Call again. He apologized and said he didn’t mean any of it and trust me I still don’t 100% believe him. He knows however that I do have some feelings for him. So of course if he said sorry and that he wanted to make things right, it wouldn’t take much for me to be back in his bedroom having amazing, jaw dropping sex. You must be wondering how good this sex is. Imagine a guy telling you that he isn’t attracted to you, when you have feelings for him and then the minute he kisses you it all goes away. It’s almost like our bodies were made to have sex with each other but our minds are still adjusting.

He slept with someone else btw, while we were apart. So that adds some additional angst to my life. It’s caused me to pull away somewhat, which is good. Everything is back into perspective. This is just like when Felicity had to choose between Ben and Noel; except I’m Noel in this scenario and I know that Felicity and Ben are probably in the next dorm room banging. Man, Felicity was an angst filled TV show, almost as angsty  (not a real word, I checked) as my life. Imagine constantly thinking the person you want to bang most in the world, potentially banging someone else. I hate it! And he says he is not. Can I believe that though?

Status: Currently still single while having great sex.

Do I want the movie dates and the aquarium dates? Do I want to go for ice cream and out for dinner? Do I want to go to concerts and go out dancing? Does Caesar from Planet of the Apes have a lot of hard decisions to make? ( I have a mild planet of the apes obsession) The answer is yes to all of the above. It’s like I know what I want but I don’t know how to get it.

Well we did hang out the other Day, not in a bedroom setting and we were both standing up. That was a change. He met some of my friends and they liked him. He was pretty awesome all day and did all the right things but I don’t want to over think anything.  He could get over me at any time and I need to be prepared.  That isn’t really a fair way to think about things but it is the way I think. I am still thinking that I am going to run into the love of my life at the bank or something; thus being able to move on. In my head the love of my life is a British dude with an excellent job and an excellent wine collection. His name shall be Phillip or William; something ultra British, but I digress.

I do want to address the big question on everyone’s mind once again though. Did he really delete the nudes? The answer is No. Shocking I know. You are all perverts by the way. lol

Golden Rule: Excellent sex makes you do crazy things.

Tips for Guys: Delete the nudes if you say you are going to delete them. I know it’s hard but be strong.

The $2.00 Tip Debacle

So I hope your summer’s are going better than mine because I am annoyed AF. “Hunting Cap” decided that I should be his girlfriend again. He broke up with his girlfriend and within 4 days wanted to replace her with me. He called her “crazy” and outrageous. There was one particular issue that broke this couple and they were unable to recover.

Hunting Cap shared with me that his horrible ex-girlfriend yelled at him for tipping a waiter $2.00. So I wasn’t there or anything and I really shouldn’t pass any judgement but I am about to pass some judgement. I am judge Judy right now, I’m about to drop some restaurant etiquette on you.

Nothing that you order from any respectable restaurant in a metropolitan area would warrant at $2.00 tip. I mean even if a waiter spilled my drink all over me and then spat in my replacement drink would I tip the waiter $2.00. That is just not how society works. It just makes you look like a cheap ass. Plus if the waiter is hot, a little spittle might count as some action. Sorry this is just the way I think as I am single. Too gross? Oh well. Anyway I digress.

I promptly turned him down as I am no one’s second choice. Plus nothing has really changed; I mean this guy is capable of ignoring me for a full 24-48 hour period on his birthday. Needless to say, he’s cray. (See And His Name Was Hunting Cap post if you need to be brought up to speed or Ghost of Ex-Boyfriend’s Past Pt. 1 or 2. Yeah this guy is a nightmare.)I told him we are currently just friends. This doesn’t stop him from calling me every night at around 12:30 AM to just catch me up on his lack luster days. I feel like a douche-bag ignoring his calls and date proposals but I really don’t want to go down this road.

Why am I not happily skipping into a relationship with a guy that actually wants to be in a relationship you may ask?

The answer is… Booty Call is back and I am thoroughly distracted. I can’t focus on two guys at once because I have a very short attention span. How guys juggle millions of girls is a mystery. Hey, so I get it if you rolled your eyes and is thoroughly upset with me. I will lay it all out in an impending blog post. Stay tuned to find out how a guy that said he wasn’t attracted to me throughout our lengthy tryst, ended up back in my life and I back in his bed. It’s a roller coaster and I wouldn’t miss it if I were you.

Golden Rule:  Some Ex’s are just not worth it.

Tips for Guys:  Never tip a waiter $2.00. If you are going through hard times, just eat at home. Its way less embarrassing.

Friends With Boyfriends

So, I’m not trying to throw shade at all with this one.  My friends know I am so happy for them and their significant others. I mean I love when my friends are happy and getting laid on the regular. That’s quite important. Where my friends with boyfriends become a problem is when we all decide to go out for dinner, as a huge group with everyone.  It’s like the whole Grease gang gets together, Sandy, Danny, Rizzo, Kenickie,Frenchie, Putzie that other weird girl and then that one nerd who can’t get a date. That’s meeeee.  So obviously I can bring a random, but I don’t want my date and I to be on a lower level in terms of intimacy.

Like all my friends are all comfortably loved up with their BF’s you know.

I just have to remind myself that I am an adult, university educated woman who can handle being a 7th wheel.  The part that sucks is like when the server comes over and their not really paying attention as to who is obviously coupled up and who isn’t. So they innocently ask…. Are the bills together or separate? And so of course all your friends’ boyfriends with their manly voices speak up and say “I’m paying for her”. So then the waiter looks down the line………… and then there was one. I’ve got to get that debit machine and pay for my own food while all my girlfriends get a free meal and some action at the end of the night. The most action I’ll be getting is maybe a little flirtation from the server. Please let it be a guy preferably 6’0, please let him be cute.

Whatever, I’ll get over it and I absolutely can’t skip this dinner.  This is just another reason why Being Single is Hard!

So remember how I said I was going to be on a ton of hot dates. Well this is as hot as its getting this summer. Please see photographic evidence below of my pathetic dating app life.

ilikehey,hey,heyDDD

Golden Rule: Try to get a boyfriend when all your friends do… timing is everything.

Tips For Guys: Behave yourselves so that I can make you my boyfriend and go out for huge group  dates. I also want to be the coolest couple there so we’ve got work to do.

Ghosts of Ex-Boyfriends Past Pt.2

Hunting Cap has made his second and final cameo in my life. This happened a few weeks ago but it just sunk in enough for me to write about it. Kind of like when they cancelled One Tree Hill the first time and those of you who remember that show are aware that that was a tough time for us teens. Anyway the point was that this situation weighed pretty heavy on me.

So I got an anonymous text from an unknown number and the person said “Hello Tanya”. I thought this was it; this was the beginning of my own Scream movie. I was about to be Neve Campbell as she ran and clumsily stumbled to her death. I thought the next line was going to be “What’s your favorite scary movie?” But it was nothing as exciting as this. It was literally just Hunting Cap trying to wiggle himself back into my life.

So even though dating hunting cap was the worst experience of my life. When he messaged me I still thought, “Maybe he still likes me?”.  Somewhere deep inside I still had a little bit of a soft spot for hunting cap. After this current encounter however there is no more soft spot.  I never mentioned this before but in my day job…no I’m not a super hero…..even though I see how you may guess that. Anyway in my day job, I work in a field that is associated to Hunting Caps field and after a long like two day conversation he told me that he was messaging me for a job. He WAS ASKING ME FOR A JOB! I don’t mean to yell but seriously, how dare he?

This dude blocked me on Instagram and FB. He made me feel crazy for trying to still be friends with him. After our break up, I was still maybe hoping it would work but he made sure to eliminate any hope I had.  I literally told him “You can block me on Insta and FB and treat me like crap… and then ask me for a job?” Then I blocked him and that was that. Then I cried because I am a softeeeee, but I am toughening up now…. Right? I actually cried because I started questioning our entire relationship after seeing what he was capable of.

Golden Rule: Block me on all social media when we break up? Don’t ask me for a job or anything for that fact.

Tips for Guys: As If!

Ghosts of Ex-Boyfriends Past

So hunting cap made a slight re-visitation to my life and it was not a welcomed one! He re-added me on snap chat with a different username. So of course I wanted to know who the heck was adding me. I asked if it was indeed “hunting cap”.  He confirmed. I then asked if he was finished school, as he was finishing up a course while we were dating. He didn’t answer my question; instead he asked me if I missed him. I’m obviously a softee which you guys all know by now. I answered with a cool “Yeah I miss you a bit”. Expecting a “Yeah I miss you too” or “Yeah maybe we can catch up” or “I miss you so much please marry me and I will never buy you a hunting cap again”. Nope, I got none of those.

I got “Sorry, I’m seeing someone.” It felt like he slapped me across the face so hard that I had to spit out my wine. (because I only drink wine, duh.)

So like, why ask me if I missed you in the first place? This was to deliberately hurt me. Like is this guy even human? I thought I was over him and his lame gifting ass, but apparently I wasn’t as he still had the power to hurt me.

I hastily deleted and blocked him from my snap chat and can happily say that the “Hunting Cap” saga of my life is now done. Hooray! Anyone want to buy a hunting cap? Let me know in the comments. I might as well benefit financially from his stupidity.

Like what did I ever do to this guy other than buy him cheesecake? (Please see “And His Name Was Hunting Cap” to understand this reference.)

Golden Rule: Never give shitty ex’s a second chance.

Tips for Guys: Don’t try to hurt girls that go out of their way to buy you cheesecake. It’s just not cool bro.