I’m A Slow Learner… but I Learn

Anyone notice the Game of Thrones reference there? That was said by The Lady of Winterfell herself,  Sansa Stark in the season 7 season finale. Sorry Spoiler alert! If you haven’t seen it. Why haven’t you seen it yet anyway?

Maybe I’m still single because I’m a giant nerd. *shrugs* I thought it was easy for nerds to find love. lol

So when a guy goes cold turkey on you for a couple of days and you feel like absolute crap and assumes he’s lost interest in you, you’re probably right. After watching “He’s Just Not That Into You” this weekend and doing extensive research (googling guys behaviors), you kinda just figure it out.

Most guys assume that girls are clingy and we need all this attention. I`m sure if they see it from that perspective its hella exhausting. I would be annoyed too if I thought another person just mindlessly needed me to attend to them. However that`s not it at all. I feel like with girls… and trust me I have asked around, its more the connection that we need. We link communication with connection. We want to build on that and sustain it. What I notice is that most dudes don`t want a connection, especially when they point blank say “I don`t want a relationship / connection”. So lets get smarter and stop moping around. I am taking my own advice and is actively trying to be mope free lol.

My friends are so annoyed of me moping that they may stop being friends with me, thus I must shape up.

Pulling up my big girl trousers and is not going to mope when a connection that I thought was so important is slowly fading. Things happen as they`re suppose to, lets just accept it.

Golden Rule: Accept the bad with the good. It all comes together most of the time.

Tip for Guys: We want connection not mindless attention. If you think the girl is worth it, then build on your connection.




Am I A Stalker?

So is it weird that I still look at the Instagram page and FB page of an ex? Remember that guy that dumped me 2 days before Christmas? He and his new girlfriend are getting on quite well and I’m totally hating. (Please see Sweet Nothings to get caught up) I find that like every 2 weeks I have this compulsion to go stare at their lives.  I just want to know how they are doing and if they are close to breaking up. I mean I don’t want them to break up or anything. Okay who am I kidding, I kind of do. He told me that he couldn’t be with me because he fell in love with someone else. Like when did you fall in love with someone else? The same time you were supposed to be falling for me? Am I not all consuming enough that you need to have two women on your roster at all times? Anyway I digress.

Every now and again I have an engagement scare. Like I think their engaged because I see a shadow of a ring on the wrong finger. So far no engagement but I need to prepare myself for when it does happen. I’m at that age now where exes get married and have kids after we break up.  I just know that it’s going to suck major for me when that happens. But you know congratulations to the happy freakin couple.

The other day I noticed from her Instagram page that he got her a Claddagh ring. This is like an Irish traditional ring. Apparently if the heart is pointing in, it means you’re taken and of course she had it pointing in. I only know this because I watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer growing up and her vampire Boyfriend whose name is Angel got her one of those rings.

So current status is; jealous of a fictional character and a real girl for having a traditional Irish ring. Man, being single is hard.

Please see picture of the beautiful Claddagh ring below.

Golden Rule: Stay strong and don’t stalk your ex. It never ends well.

Tips for Guys: Get your girl a Claddagh ring, just do it.


Drunk and Disorderly 

Hello Again! So my friends birthday dinner happened last night and I honestly wanted to update you guys on what I thought would be a dreadful night. 

So one of my friends boyfriends actually wasn’t able to make it. (Thank God) I now wasn’t the only single person there. However this friend is engaged so she has no issues rolling on her own, fully confident in the fact that she is taken. I on the other hand is not fully confident… in anything really. 

My friend that was BF less that night ended up being my wing girl, so I didn’t feel like I was alone. Sure enough at the end of the night when the waiter came, my fears did come to past. He gave bills to the couples and then singled my single ass out. (Please see previous blogpost Friends with Boyfriends to get caught up.)

As the night went on, one sake (Japanese rice wine) and a cidar (strongbow) later I was a bit inebriated. The sake was 20% alcohol and I drank it as fast as water. I am also a light weight. While being a little drunk I decided to embarrass myself and randomly yell out to my friends and their boyfriends that ” I wasnt actually single”. I felt the need to point this out as I had met one of my friends boyfriends for the first time and didn’t want to seem like a loser. After I said that though there was some serious awkward silence. It was maybe just as awkward as when Dean and Jess met for the first time on Gilmore girls knowing full well they were both in-love with Rory. 

Anyway it was super weird. Then I ended having to explain myself. Not in detail of course but in a general way. “Like I sort of see someone sometimes. ” The guys were all like , ” yeah there is nothing’s wrong with that”. While my friends just awkwardly stared at me like “why are you bringing this up?”. So that was a fun dinner. Honestly it was, I just chose to embarrass myself as usual.  

On nights like that, you realize how not being connected to another human in a significant way in your 20’s is like really weird. Everyone is out all coupled up. It just makes you wonder; “what’s wrong with me?” To which the answer is “you’re an alcoholic” lol. Just kidding. The answer is, you are waiting for something extraordinary. Right?! Right! 

Golden Rule: Try not to get drunk when you are single at a couples birthday dinner. Things get weird really fast. 

Tips For Guys: Probably don’t suggest Sake to girls. It makes girls drunk really fast. Oh wait…. that’s probably what you want. Forget I mentioned it. 

Something Extraordinary

Hi Ladies, I just wanted to drop some knowledge this week.  I came across a video on FB that really spoke to me. Once you look past all the cat videos and gross like surgery videos, there are some pretty profound things on FB.  So this was a life coach / comedian named Matthew Hussey who speaks on dating and life. The gist of the video is him reacting to a common answer to the question “Why am I single?”. Most of our answers would be, “I just haven’t found anyone yet”, or “I don’t have much time to date”, or “No one likes me/ comes up to me”. That last one is actually what I always say. Dear Mr. Hussey said “NO”. The answer to this question should be “I love my life the way it is now and so something extraordinary would have to come by for me to change it. That just hasn’t happened yet”. (I’m paraphrasing). I will share it on my Being Single Is Hard FB Page.

For me personally, I find myself just going along with relationships dictated by men. I agree that this comes from a place of a somewhat lowered esteem on my part and that causes me to want to please them. I am slowly getting over that. I actually try really hard not to hurt the feelings of guys that I care about  or once cared about, but what I find is that this is not a two way street. Guys hurt girls feelings all the time either consciously or unconsciously, even though I’m convinced that they know; the tone in our voice changes. What I am trying to say is that my life will no longer be just going along with what the guy that I care about says. I will please myself. I will never stop looking for the Extraordinary. Sure in this day and age it’s rare, but I will keep looking.

I do want to add that I am clearly not extraordinary to any of the guys that I have been seeing either not sure if i was even human to them. I think that when they find that extraordinary girl, they will never put her through anything that I went through. I also honestly hope they find what they are looking for. Especially Hunting Cap… he’s a weird a one. I am aware that if I were that extraordinary girl to them, things would be way different. Also lets get smart faster, lets not hang on to something where we know the guys isn’t really into us, okay? It only hurts when you finally realize after like a year. Its just like that time Lucas chose to be with Peyton instead of Brooke. One Tree Hill fans will understand. Its Harsh!

I’d like to think that I’m someone’s dream girl right now without having to change a thing but that’s wishful thinking I guess.

The bar for extraordinary these days has actually significantly lowered from what it used to be. For me something extraordinary is a guy that values your character and your company; someone who doesn’t see spending time with you as a hassle or a burden; someone who is aware of the fact that you are not replaceable. It’s not that I don’t have anyone else that I can spend time with; I have tons of fun friends that entertained me way before I met any of these guys. It’s that once you meet someone that in your eyes is extraordinary, you would want to spend time with them.  Is that wishful thinking?

I want everyone to meet that person that is Extraordinary to them. Everyone deserves someone to make them feel special, wanted and respected.

Side Note:

There is a book called “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. I highly recommend a read. This teaches you things about yourself and what you deem as love. Everyone is different.  The five different languages are:  Gift Giving, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service and Physical Touch.  If I may Mr. Chapman, I would like to add another love language that is more relevant to today’s dating scene. The sixth love language for me would be Communication; which highly includes returning a text message but also includes just being open and truthful. I’m sure it probably falls under one of Mr. Chapman’s categories but i do want to emphasize it. There is no doubt that Physical Touch is my absolute favorite though but I find that I also really like Quality Time. It just shows that this person actually values you. Time is the most precious thing in the universe and if I choose to spend it with you, you must be special. That’s just what I think anyway.

Feel free to chime in and let me know what your love language is and if you will be waiting for something Extraordinary. Also did this help at all?

Maybe being single is hard for me because I am waiting on the Extraordinary.


Single With A Side of Amazing Sex

I mess up and I keep messing up but is there a purpose to it all? I don’t even want to make a big deal about it but I have been seeing Booty Call again. He apologized and said he didn’t mean any of it and trust me I still don’t 100% believe him. He knows however that I do have some feelings for him. So of course if he said sorry and that he wanted to make things right, it wouldn’t take much for me to be back in his bedroom having amazing, jaw dropping sex. You must be wondering how good this sex is. Imagine a guy telling you that he isn’t attracted to you, when you have feelings for him and then the minute he kisses you it all goes away. It’s almost like our bodies were made to have sex with each other but our minds are still adjusting.

He slept with someone else btw, while we were apart. So that adds some additional angst to my life. It’s caused me to pull away somewhat, which is good. Everything is back into perspective. This is just like when Felicity had to choose between Ben and Noel; except I’m Noel in this scenario and I know that Felicity and Ben are probably in the next dorm room banging. Man, Felicity was an angst filled TV show, almost as angsty  (not a real word, I checked) as my life. Imagine constantly thinking the person you want to bang most in the world, potentially banging someone else. I hate it! And he says he is not. Can I believe that though?

Status: Currently still single while having great sex.

Do I want the movie dates and the aquarium dates? Do I want to go for ice cream and out for dinner? Do I want to go to concerts and go out dancing? Does Caesar from Planet of the Apes have a lot of hard decisions to make? ( I have a mild planet of the apes obsession) The answer is yes to all of the above. It’s like I know what I want but I don’t know how to get it.

Well we did hang out the other Day, not in a bedroom setting and we were both standing up. That was a change. He met some of my friends and they liked him. He was pretty awesome all day and did all the right things but I don’t want to over think anything.  He could get over me at any time and I need to be prepared.  That isn’t really a fair way to think about things but it is the way I think. I am still thinking that I am going to run into the love of my life at the bank or something; thus being able to move on. In my head the love of my life is a British dude with an excellent job and an excellent wine collection. His name shall be Phillip or William; something ultra British, but I digress.

I do want to address the big question on everyone’s mind once again though. Did he really delete the nudes? The answer is No. Shocking I know. You are all perverts by the way. lol

Golden Rule: Excellent sex makes you do crazy things.

Tips for Guys: Delete the nudes if you say you are going to delete them. I know it’s hard but be strong.