The Ghosts Of Relationships Past

Hey Ladies!

Have you ever wondered how much emotional baggage we carry from one relationship to another? I have seen countless female comedians discuss this, describing it as a big Santa sized sack that we drag on our backs. Waiting for the right time to open it in our new relationships.

If you have been a long time follower and reader I thank you and I am glad you are still here. But remember when my dating life was super crazy? Remember the Christmas Dumper of the guy that bought me a hunting hat for my birthday? A hunting hat! I get upset just thinking about that guy. I wonder though how much of all that past trauma does Brad have to deal with and visa versa?

Also ladies, I am not saying that this is just us. Guys have baggage too, they have to lol. They just hide it better or they throw it all in the bin as soon as they meet the new girl. Wouldn’t that be nice ladies? If we could actually not remember and hold on to every little thing and actually throw things in the bin? Speaking from experience, I know first hand how women think and how we remember everything! And I mean everything.

But what if we didn’t remember every little thing? What if we just left the appropriate amount of trauma and scenarios behind? What would we be like then? Imagine a powerful woman, unencumbered by the ghosts of her past relationships?

I have been with Brad for almost 4 years now and I would like to think that everything in the past was just erased, but I know deep down its not. The only thing that I thought could erase negative experiences in past relationships was time, but that’s not true.

We can consciously make a decision to not let the past affect use. Leave losers and past relationships in the past where they belong. Would we all just become superwomen if we did that? Think about all the brain space we would free up to contemplate the meaning of life? LOL

Lets work on it, I know I will.

Golden Rule: Leave the past in the past and only live in the now.

The Different Stages Of Life

Hey Ladies,

I hope you are all awesome and thriving! As I am getting older its amazing how all the mysteries of life are unravelling. I am realizing what positively and negatively affects my life and have the where with all to discern between the two. I am actually old enough to know when something doesn’t serve me and can simply cut it out of my life. Anyway, my weird rant is over, I am here to give you an update.

Brad and I are living happily in our condo and I am getting use to this new stage of life. That weird place between girl friend and house wife. That weird place between talking about marriage and being engaged. That weird place where literally everyone you know constantly asks “when are you going to get married?” That place where your answer is literally soon but you don’t actually know when.

I am realizing that we all just rush through all the stages in our lives and never really appreciate them while we are there. Like in this moment, I am currently looking forward to the next stage of life. But will I soon realize that having a condo with your boyfriend and being able to do whatever you want, whenever you want is like the best stage?

I was recently speaking with a friend who is currently dating around and trying to find her Mr. Right, and I suddenly realized that a little part of me missed that stage. Don’t get me wrong, I am super happy that I met my Mr. Right but man was it fun going out on dates and getting all dolled up. All the hilarious stories I use to have. I mean I don’t have to tell you guys, its all documented here in my blog. While I was dating around though, all I could think about was getting to the next stage, settling down. Isn’t life weird?

I am finally in a place where I actually would like to enjoy my current stage. How about we just take a breadth and look around? Try to actually enjoy our life stage. I mean soon enough, we will be on the next one. We will look back and think how good things were and maybe miss that previous stage. Growing up has made me realize what ‘youth is wasted on the young’ really means. I realize that I am still basically a youth at the ripe age of 32 and by no means have I lived even half of my life (God Willing) but it’s crazy how my views on everything have changed.

Speaking of life stages, I currently am in the Instagram Photography life stage as well lol. I will now continue to a shameless plug. Please go check out my photography page on Instagram called tan_picturesque . Let me know if you like it.

Anyway, I am done spitting knowledge. Let me know what you guys think. What life stage are you on and which life stage do you wish you went a little bit slower on?

Golden Rule: Enjoy the little things and appreciate where you are in life because trust me, time flies.

Tips for guys: Maybe propose to your girlfriends soon, so they aren’t stuck in that weird engaged /not engaged phase for sooo long. LOL

Adulting 101

Hey Ladies and Gents!

It has been a minute! I have literally not had the time to write or more importantly did not feel inspired to for quite some time. In an effort to get back to my old self, here I am! Writing again.

There has been so many changes in my life that my head is spinning. This year has taken me to places that I always wanted to go, but never quite made it to. For starters Brad and I bought a condo and it is beautiful, at least in my opinion but I am biased. I am in a new stable job which I consider a good step in my day job. Office politics however seems to be insanely rampant but I am at the stage in my life where I want to focus on all the good things. All the things in life that actually matter, like love and family and joy. I know I sound corny but I am old now. I am 31, hold crap… call an ambulance. As you get older you actually do get wiser like the old people use to say. I am now one of those old people.

I digress lol. I have my own home for me to decorate and cook in (rarely). I am at the stage in my life where I am looking forward to having a family and is actually enjoying just living a cozy simple life. I went through all the right steps with my mom as to not leave her in a bad spot. She’s is happy for me and basically comes over all the time now. She is my road map for what a strong woman should look like. I am now just emulating her in everything that I do in my own home and with my own 2 person family. My mother is endlessly giving and has a such a big heart. I can only aspire to be as open to people as she is. I am pretty open and giving but I do not take likely to people taking advantage of that quality. See this is the wiser thing I was talking about earlier. I am older now and is taking the least amount of shit from people for the first time in my life.

I am learning how to be a life partner and how to cohabitate with another human whom, I am not related to. It’s tough sometimes but over all pretty fun. It’s like having a sleepover that never ends. This is definitely a new chapter in my life where I am not single. Who knew we would ever get here? Not only am I not single, I am literally living with a boy lol. This pretty much betrays the title of my blog, but I am not changing it because it’s still true. Being single is hard and being an adult is even harder.

I will be filling you all in and any juicey stories that come my way and am happy to share this new chapter with you all.

Golden Rule: Buy an Insta Pot and an Air Fryer as soon as you buy a home, you’ll thank me later.

Light At The End Of The Tunnel

Hi Folks!

It has been a while! I have so much to catch you up on. I was just re-reading my last post and comparing where I was a year ago to right now. We are coming to the end of the pandemic, at-least here in Canada. More and more people are getting vaccinated and life seems like it’s going to get back to normal.

I have since found a new job which I really like and I work from home which is pretty amazing. I get to really enjoy my workspace because it’s actually my bedroom. I really am starting to feel like all the chips that were up in the air for much of 2020 are starting to fall and they are falling in the right places.

I know what you wanna ask! How’s Brad doing? He is doing absolutely fine. We made it through all the turmoil of the pandemic and is actually in a sweet spot. We are looking to make a big move which I won’t mention until it’s all done. But when it’s all done, you’ll know! LOL

I have been watching a lot of episodes of this show called couples therapy, which definitely feels a lot like individual therapy. Like everything these couples think is wrong with their relationships is just stemming from like personal trauma. I mean I always knew that but this shows makes me like really know that. Definitely give this show a watch when you have a chance. It’s definitely giving me some new perspectives on relationships and how to handle issues that arise.

I find couples usually fall into the same ruts or have the same fights but watching this show helps me to see all the work arounds. Anyways enough about this show, I mean I should be getting paid for all the marketing I’m doing. You’re welcome HBO, I’m expecting a check in the mail any day now.

Anyway, just wanted to say I’m feeling good. I’m feeling positive. I’m on like a personal purge at the moment where I am just like weeding out all the negative vibes from my life. It’s been really great. Like anything that does not bring me pleasure or adds positivity to my life is just not being focused on. It feels awesome. I feel like it’s time to progress and this is the way to do it.

I hope all the things I have said, affects you guys in a positive way. I hope my light at the end of the tunnel helps you find yours if you are looking for one!

Golden Rule: Positive Vibes Only Really Helps With Like Everything.

Tips For Guys: Watch Couples Therapy With Your Girl! It’s gonna help!

Just Once

Hello Ladies,

I know it’s been quite a while since I wrote anything. And it’s not for lack of free time, it’s just that basically nothing is happening to me that is worth writing about. At least I thought there wasn’t. I do feel the need to update you guys though as it’s been a rough week.

So has anyone dated a Capricorn before because I can’t figure him out. Yes, I’m still with Brad and man has this pandemic been hitting us hard. We don’t live together yet and our parents are always home due to the restrictions. So we basically have no private time together and it’s slowly killing me. Brad, not so much. He is a man of many interests and sometimes I question how high I am on that list.

I have been feeling shitty lately about how I perceive I’m being treated in this relationship. I also would like to say that this whole past week, I was on my period which makes everything feel extra intense. But some of the issues that came up this week were things discussed before. So I’m not going to just blame it all on Mother Nature.

During this pandemic, I haven’t really seen my friends much because they live a little ways away. I have been trying to keep my bubble very small and that includes Brad. He’s been kind of like my only friend throughout this whole thing but maybe that’s a mistake. I can’t do that because he loves to be busy with his hobbies and to be un-disturbed. Also according to him, binge watching shows isn’t a hobby, so basically I have gotta go find one.

While we are going through our tough times, I have started to reflect on past relationships. And if you have been following me from the beginning, you know how those turned out. I have just been thinking about how I have been treated by guys over the past like 5 years which is when I seriously started dating. If you have been a fan you know it wasn’t good. And we watch TV and see couples that are so in love or you know newly weds and things like that, you can’t help but to compare your relationship to theirs.

Just once, I’d like to be the girl that someone can’t live without. Just once I’d like to be someone’s go to person. Over the past few weeks, I have been wondering if those feelings even still happen? This is my 30th year of life. Not only am I dealing with a personal crisis, I am also dealing with a world wide crisis. Why did I have to be born in 1990?! Like we have witnessed a lot. Like a lot a lot.

Anyway, my friends from New York, my sisters heck even my friends here in Canada keeps asking me; when will I be engaged. And that question is crazy to me because it’s basically asking someone, when do they think their significant other will propose. The answer is I don’t know. But I have been thinking, maybe to this person I’m not like the girl he engages. Maybe there is no fear of losing me, no like urgency. Just once, can I be the girl guys feel urgent about? I guess that’s just wishful thinking.

So that’s the update. Things are rough. I am determined to change and not depend on anyone else. I honestly have to figure out how to love being alone. I am away from my friends and my boyfriend is occupied. I need to be content in my own little Corona bubble.

So in other words, I think I’m depressed. Just kidding……. but maybe not?

Let me know how things are going for your relationships.

What’s My Calling?

Hi Folks,

It’s been a while…..just trying to hang in there with all the craziness going on. With all that said, I have been trying to be purposeful this year in all my actions. I have been trying to make this year mean something positive amongst all this negative.

I have started doing some mindfulness exercises and while I’m doing them I feel like my mind is trying to take me somewhere. And no, it’s not to sleep. Lol

I have been trying to figure out lately what my calling is. What am I best at? How do I find this out? So I haven’t exactly googled it yet…… because that’s pretty much how we figure everything out these days. But how do I figure this out naturally in real life?

I grew up watching shows about women and men being excellent at something. Macgyver was good at macgyvering. Buffy was good at slaying. Xena was good at kicking ass and making it look easy. I have got to figure out what my genius is.

What is my zainy, quirky thing that I should be sharing with the world? Is it writing? Is it singing? Is it helping people? There are endless possibilities and I have to figure it out.

If you have been with me since the start of my relationship journey, you will know that I have come a long way! This blog has evolved and changed so much. I am immensely proud of it and the person I have become.

What’s your purpose? And how did you figure it out?

Golden Rule: Use the Mindfulness section if you have a Fitbit. It’s amazing…. you won’t regret it!

Are We Making Progress?

Hi Guys!

So this week, Brad and I went to the cottage to “getaway” from it all. While we were there, the Jacob Blake story broke and was all over the news. I don’t usually get political on my blog but there are just so many things wrong with 2020 that, I’m not even sure how to move forward. Or is this what progress looks like?

People being called out for being this or being that? Is that what progress is? Racial injustices being filmed; some cases being resolved, while others will never see justice. Is this progress? I honestly can’t tell. I guess we won’t know until 10 years from now. Maybe we can’t see progress while it’s happening. I’m sure in the middle of famous wars or battles they also felt like, it would never end and had moments where they wondered if this fight was even worth fighting. I guess it is.

It’s hard to be happy in a relationship when you aren’t happy by yourself. This year has been one of the hardest of my life. I don’t think I have ever faced so much uncertainty as a professional but also as a woman of color. Being in a constant state of worry, does have nasty side effects on being in a loving relationship.

I was horribly affected by the pandemic while Brad wasn’t. So in this scenario he does feel like he needs to be the strong one, the happy one, the together one. But I’m realizing that what’s happening around us is affecting us. We should try not to make it manifest into a monster but we should acknowledge that this year is unlike any other. It is affecting us. In a few years we will be able to see just how much it has changed the world.

Let’s hope that we do in fact see progress.

Be safe everyone and try to stay positive.

Not Exactly Easy

Hi Folks!

So as I mentioned, I am not seeing Brad during this quarantine. It has now been almost a month. I am being super safe though I live with mom and she has to go out to work. She is also taking every precaution. Brad has to still go to work and he is taking precautions.

Knowing all this, I was hoping that Brad and I would still see each other periodically but Brad has told me that he is not comfortable with this. That’s a bit frustrating for me…… he said he is doing this because he doesn’t want me to get sick as I have Asthma. And also for his family.

At this point, he is seeing everyone in his life except for me. So needless to say, I am not excited about this whole scenario. He is doing this for the greater good of humanity. Me, I’m just going insane. My job is up in the air, lockdown just keeps extending but Atleast I still have my boo. Wait…. can’t see him either.

So during this time of not seeing each other, communication is key. I realize that communication for most men is hard and so that just makes me even more frustrated.

I was speaking to my mom about Brad’s decisions he’s made and how stubborn he is about everything. If he makes up his mind to do something for whatever reason; be it plausible or not, he’s gonna do it. Sometimes I’m pretty sure whatever I say has not effect at all on his decision making. My mom told me that this is never going to change. This is Brad. There is no bending or molding.

It’s been almost two years and now we don’t even see each other. We only communicate by text of phone. And so in this peculiar situation you start to notice things you didn’t before.

There is a pandemic happening and in these times you try to cling to what makes you feel safe or happy. It’s hard to cling to that thing when you feel like you have also been quarantined from it. He says I need to look at the bigger picture. It may be weeks, it may be months. Nothing about that is comforting. This is the moment when I need him more than ever….. but he’s so far away.

This is a sad time for people losing their loved ones and this is a sad time for lovers that are apart. Communication is what’s going to get us through this, so try to communicate better.

I’m trying to stay positive throughout all this and I hope everyone stays safe and healthy.

Quarantine

Hi Ladies,

I won’t be one of those people who complain about being bored in quarantine even though I am. As I understand that it’s saving all our lives by doing so.

As we discussed in my previous post, I am not quarantining with Brad for various safety precautions. Earlier today it was announced that this could go on for 12 more weeks.

Now ladies if you are shacked up with your significant other right now, you have won. You are winning. I am horny, crazy, bored and at this point just sad. I am trying not to think of three of the longest months of the year rolling by while I’m stuck staring at my ceiling. At this point, I won’t be seeing Brad until the middle of summer.

I honestly am feeling a plethora of emotions right now. Was I a thief in another life? Should we have moved in together sooner? And I get it, besides my relationship there is a whole pandemic happening. With so much chaos and uncertainty, this is when we need our loved ones most and I don’t have Brad.

We talk on the phone and we play games together but for me, nothing can replace physical time together. He is currently still going to work and I’m not. So at this point he’s seeing everyone in his life except me. I understand all the risks of seeing each other but I’m not going to lie this sucks in a major way.

Imagine; Dating, Falling in love, getting attached, looking to live together and then boom 3-4 months apart. That’s pretty natural right?

I have told him that my biggest fear is that some aspects of our relationship will change after spending so much time apart. I feel myself retreating and getting even more closed off. It’s my defense mechanism. I can’t cry all day so I have to distance myself from the situation.

I honestly don’t know what the future holds for any of us. I am sending good vibes out to anyone stuck in the house away from their significant other. At this point our 2 year anniversary will be spent away from each other.

This is a crazy time and I have no advice for anyone except stay safe and try to retain your sanity.

Stress Eating

Hi Ladies!

What happens when work is stressing you out, you only see your man 2 times a week, 3 if you’re lucky and your friends live some distance away?

You start stress eating. This week alone, I have eaten sooo much crap. At work I just like drinking diet pop to keep me going. That’s not good for me. I always feel super bloated after.

Then I don’t see my boyfriend, so I just go home and eat alone. Then go to bed.

Bottom line is, I hate being fat. Then I look in the mirror and I’m like WTF?! And then that stresses me out. Who’s a brides maid in two weddings this year? Yup, I am! It’s just the perfect year to be chubby, stressed and annoyed.

By the way, this is me being positive lol. Today was a good day until I saw how chubby I was and how alone I felt.

Brad works nights every other week but sometimes it’s like two weeks in a row. It’s pretty sad because I literally am doing everything by myself in the week. That would be okay if my friends were around but they are all like a 45 minute drive. I mean….. should I make new friends?

IDK, I just wanted to vent a little.

Yours Truly,

Chubby Chubby Bunny.