Falling In Love On 5 Texts A Day

Hey guys just had some insights I would like to share.  This week Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas got engaged. Yes Joe Man Whore Jonas and Lady Sansa Stark are lucky enough to find the sanctity of love but still not I. They have been together only for one year and Joe made his decision. It’s like when you know, you know, you know?

I am currently online dating as you all know and I have found a guy that actually attempts to speak with me every day and it’s kind of nice. It’s just that with all the moving parts in our lives, it’s hard to like really get to know each other.  Some days our texts are few and far between and all I want to do is get to know him. I want to get to know him and hopefully eventually fall in love. Isn’t that what we all want? He tries though and I commend him for that.

I know lots of guys who don’t even try.  Let’s make a pact; the next time some guy who claims he cares about you, doesn’t text you for two weeks; promise me you won’t text him either. Now this is the important part; when he does text you, which we know he will. Tell him you were in a terrible row boat accident and literally no longer have any legs. Why would we say such a horrible thing? Because it’s a complete possibility and he would know it wasn’t true if he gave a shit about your life and actually inquired about it once in a while.

Anyway I digress. This is the age of online dating where showing a girl attention is how you get to her heart. I don’t only want attention though, I want commitment.  I want old school falling in love. I want that “I want to see you all the time” feeling. I have that feeling not sure about Picky Eater though. I also want us to spend so much time together that we naturally get to know each other. However times are a changing and the only way to get to know someone now is by playing an endless game of 21 questions. It should be called Infinity Questions (Patent Pending).

This is our new societal norm and I guess we just have to go with it. Way Back in the day to court someone you would have to go over to their house with their parents for afternoon tea lol. Then in the 60’s it was hanging out in diners until you both got fat. I need to accept that dating changes; but my fear now is just wondering if the act of falling in love has changed too.

Being single is hard when you are trying to fall in love in the age of technology.

I do want to say though that Picky Eater is super romantic, and if I were to fall in love with someone, I think he is on the right track. Our third date was amazing, but that’s for another Blog Post lol.

Golden Rule: Adjust to the times.

Tips For Guys: Times are changing but getting to know a girl, is getting to know how special she is. Spend some time with her and I promise it will be worth it.

 

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The $2.00 Tip Debacle

So I hope your summer’s are going better than mine because I am annoyed AF. “Hunting Cap” decided that I should be his girlfriend again. He broke up with his girlfriend and within 4 days wanted to replace her with me. He called her “crazy” and outrageous. There was one particular issue that broke this couple and they were unable to recover.

Hunting Cap shared with me that his horrible ex-girlfriend yelled at him for tipping a waiter $2.00. So I wasn’t there or anything and I really shouldn’t pass any judgement but I am about to pass some judgement. I am judge Judy right now, I’m about to drop some restaurant etiquette on you.

Nothing that you order from any respectable restaurant in a metropolitan area would warrant at $2.00 tip. I mean even if a waiter spilled my drink all over me and then spat in my replacement drink would I tip the waiter $2.00. That is just not how society works. It just makes you look like a cheap ass. Plus if the waiter is hot, a little spittle might count as some action. Sorry this is just the way I think as I am single. Too gross? Oh well. Anyway I digress.

I promptly turned him down as I am no one’s second choice. Plus nothing has really changed; I mean this guy is capable of ignoring me for a full 24-48 hour period on his birthday. Needless to say, he’s cray. (See And His Name Was Hunting Cap post if you need to be brought up to speed or Ghost of Ex-Boyfriend’s Past Pt. 1 or 2. Yeah this guy is a nightmare.)I told him we are currently just friends. This doesn’t stop him from calling me every night at around 12:30 AM to just catch me up on his lack luster days. I feel like a douche-bag ignoring his calls and date proposals but I really don’t want to go down this road.

Why am I not happily skipping into a relationship with a guy that actually wants to be in a relationship you may ask?

The answer is… Booty Call is back and I am thoroughly distracted. I can’t focus on two guys at once because I have a very short attention span. How guys juggle millions of girls is a mystery. Hey, so I get it if you rolled your eyes and is thoroughly upset with me. I will lay it all out in an impending blog post. Stay tuned to find out how a guy that said he wasn’t attracted to me throughout our lengthy tryst, ended up back in my life and I back in his bed. It’s a roller coaster and I wouldn’t miss it if I were you.

Golden Rule:  Some Ex’s are just not worth it.

Tips for Guys:  Never tip a waiter $2.00. If you are going through hard times, just eat at home. Its way less embarrassing.

Insincere

In life there are two roads that you can take; Sincerity or Insincerity. Now I don’t know about you but I couldn’t help being my very sincere authentic self even if I tried. However there are people; and in this case gentlemen, who thrive on insincerity. Even when it is totally unnecessary. The reason I am blathering on and on about this, is because Mr. Booty Call ended our tryst. He claimed that throughout the entirety of our pseudo relationship he was not attracted to me.  I, as a sincere person was completely unaware that there was a way to have mind blowing sex, for months with a person and not even be attracted to them. That’s just me though, open hearted single girl who actually believes a guy when he says “Your ass is what every guy wants”.

As you all know, I have been going back and forth on whether to end it with Booty Call for a while now, as I knew it wouldn’t end well. This ending though I didn’t see coming. It was a particular strain of cruel that knocked my self-esteem right off its white horse.  I thought that he was the one guy who wouldn’t deliberately try to hurt me if he needed space or wanted to see someone else. I knew it would hurt when it came time to move on but I thought it would go something like this “Hey, so I think I wanna bang someone else.” To which I would say “okay” as we just had a sexual relationship.  What I didn’t expect was “I just don’t like banging you, and I never did. Thus everything I ever said to you was a lie”. He didn’t actually say that but I read between the lines.

I’m not going to be insincere and say that I wasn’t feeling more and that I didn’t want more because I did. Somewhere in my delusional mind I thought some of those feelings were being reciprocated. It seems that was not the case.

This one hit me harder than the death of Jack in the Titanic and that says a lot. Like Rose, you seriously can’t scoot over a bit and let jack float some on the door. Regardless of my issues with how Rose handled that situation, when booty call said he was never attracted to me from the start; I felt like my heart smashed into a giant iceberg. He told me that he was sorry that it took him until last weekend to make him tell me this. That statement was like a knife. All I could picture was him cringing every time I asked to hang out but still said yes anyway. I’ll take him at his word and believe him that he thought I was gross throughout the several months we banged. I’m sorry he had to suffer through that.

Life will go on and I will date another, hopefully someone who appreciates me for what and who I am; but for now I’m pretty crushed. Like random panic attacks crushed. In the mean time he is probably already a week into another awesome relationship, hopefully with a girl he finds attractive this time.

The very hardest part about being single is the absolutely unkind things guys say to you. They just have no idea how much their words hurt. Their words leave a mark.

But of course the question on everyone’s mind is “what about the nudes?!”. So he said he deleted them but he is the only one who knows if that’s true. Considering he thought I was the grossest girl he ever laid eyes on, it shouldn’t be too hard to Bin them.

Hang in there; I’ve got all summer to make you laugh. I have got to share my pain with you guys too, it’s how I work through it.

Golden Rule: Check to make sure a guy is attracted to you first before initiating “friends with benefits” relationship. I never thought I would have to check for that, it seems we have a new problem.

Tips for Guys: Don’t have sex with girls you aren’t attracted to and then wait months and months to tell them. It’s just cruel.

Take A Few Days

So, I don’t know where I went wrong with my personal life but there is definitely a problem.  My booty call and I got into a fight today. After deleting him on FB which I agree may have been over board, he told me I needed to “Take a few days”. I don’t know why but that really got to me. He said that I thought everything was about me and that I was potentially trying to force things. All I wanted to do was hang out with him. Why is it that when you want to hang with a dude they freak out?  I don’t know what it looked like from his perspective but I just wanted to spend some extra time with him. Maybe it seemed clingy to him. I have no idea what he is thinking half the time and that is the problem. Is this the end? Perhaps…. All I know is that guy has a lot of nudes of me. Enough to make a collage that when all put together is probably Kim Kardashian’s face.

That’s what I get for still hitting up my booty call.

Golden Rule: Don’t go down this road, learn from my mistakes.

Tips for Guys: When you have amazing sex with a girl, she is going to want to spend more time with you. Sorry just a side effect of awesome sex.

In other news…… this is happening;

Olderman

 

Booty Call Consequences

I Can Finally Write About it because it’s Finally Over. Ladies, I have been doing bad things, and now I’m in trouble. With all my self-righteous blogging and my advice on better dating; I haven’t been taking my own advice.  So in my earlier blog “Hunting Cap” I alluded to a fling that I was having because you know, “a girl’s got needs”. This relationship though turned into something totally unhealthy. It was completely my fault because I developed feelings for my booty call. Never fall for your booty call, as it only ends in tears!

It started on a breezy Friday afternoon, lol. Just kidding I don’t remember what day it was or if it was breezy. I met him online and after talking for a week we decided to meet up. I went on this date intending to date him because I told myself that I’m the kind of girl who strictly dated, no hookups. On our date we had a few drinks and started making out in his car, which is not the norm for me. He totally wanted to hookup but I was not having it. After that date he barely texted me and so I assumed he got what he wanted and moved on.  This was before “hunting cap” and the guy that dumped me 2 days before Christmas.

Sometime around Halloween my needs blinded my better judgment and I texted Mr. Hookup.  We subsequently started an affair I guess.  When I met guys who actually wanted to date me, I would tell him that I am currently seeing someone and that we can’t hookup.  He was pretty chill about this because after all it was just a fling. I was also pretty set on the idea that he was not Boyfriend material. After every break up, I would literally run back to him though, which wasn’t a good look for me. He was like therapy for me, proving to myself that I was still desirable even after relationships didn’t work out.

Long story short things started to change. Somewhere along the line he started changing. Picking fights with me, accused me of lying. He didn’t trust me, but in my mind there was no reason for all this because it was just a fling. Then I started having feelings for him because I thought these actions meant maybe there was something more. There wasn’t.  I think at one point he actually started liking me but then he pushed away his feelings… like most guys do. I started liking him so much that I stopped looking for an actual boyfriend and started thinking he was an option. Not the case. The biggest mistake I made was telling him that I had feelings for him. That gave him all the power and he now knew that I was at his Beck & Call. He literally told me that once.

I had to end it because I was constantly getting hurt. Apart from amazing sex and I mean AMAZING! There wasn’t anything else that he had to offer. I have made up my mind to stop seeing him. I have decided to just be single… though it’s so hard.  I feel like I need to figure out who I am and what I want. Until then I will keep sharing my bizarre online dating stories with you and hopefully through it all, find a meaningful relationship.

Phew this was a heavy post! I have no golden rule or tips for guys this time around. Instead I wanted to know if my readers had any tips for me.

Love that I can share this with you guys and keep reading things get funnier.

 

And His Name Was “Hunting Cap”

Hello Ladies! I’m sorry I left you for a bit again. I was once again trying out a relationship which was empty and void as most are. This time I was skeptical thanks to my previous bout with “almost love”.  I was suspicious the entire time. Within two weeks of talking to this guy he asked me to be his GF. No idea why that fast but I wasn’t really in a position to say no (as I desperately wanted to be someone’s GF). I was eager to jump into something else because my ex told me he found his soulmate and had to leave me. I was adamant at showing him that I could find my soul mate too. Evidently I can’t as I am the author of a singles blog lol.

So it was a whirl wind, we dated for about a month. (This is my new record lol) In the beginning it was all texts all the time. He was there for me through a bit of a tough time in my life. (let’s just say 2017 hasn’t been a cake walk.)  I knew deep down this guy wasn’t the one, but I thought “there is no reason he couldn’t be Mr. Right Now”. I desperately wanted to give this guy a chance. After about 2 weeks the text messaging got really light. Maybe like 1 a day. (much like the ladies vitamin which I seriously recommend. Especially the gummies but I digress.) So this guy or shall we call him “Hunting Cap” was in school and also worked very odd hours which I was very much aware of when I entered the relationship. However he assured me more than once that he would make time to see me and hang out with me.  When the texts started getting light I tried to break it off, as I felt myself having anxiety constantly waiting for a text from my so called “Boyfriend”. When I tried to break it off, he literally begged me not to. He said he could make this work and that he didn’t want to just give up. So he got a second chance.

I don’t want to drag this on but this story ends with him ignoring me on a day when I planned to celebrate his upcoming birthday. I bought cheesecake for him (I strongly dislike cheesecake), I got his favorite beer and was fully ready to order takeout. Invited him over to my house to have a special pre-birthday hang out, I thought I was being nice. Apparently this sounded like a day in a hell dimension to “Hunting Cap”.  He didn’t text me for like a full maybe 24-36 hours. While I text him like 100 times asking where he was?….what he was doing?…was he still coming? I was met with radio silence. I finally indicated through text that we were over and that I couldn’t carry on in a relationship like this. The following day he simply explained that he left his phone at his friend’s house. HIS FRIEND’S HOUSE! Sorry for yelling but is that not just the lamest excuse in the book.  Then he stated that he didn’t have time for me and that I should go find myself someone who had time for me (slap in the face much?). That was the end of that. So 2/2 relationships tried ended in disaster.  I am currently on a dating hiatus…. I call it Man free March. My idea of man free though does not discount my occasional tryst which just keeps all my needs met if you know what I am saying (wink, wink.)  Don’t worry I am not keeping secrets, there will be an impending blog post coming up with the details.

So why do we call him hunting cap you ask? That’s what he got me for my birthday. A hunting cap… A HUNTING CAP! There has been a lot of yelling in this post and I do apologize. I repetitively told him that I would never go hunting with him as that was his thing. But what does he get his ultra girly girlfriend for her birthday. A hunting cap. Not a bath bomb from Lush, which should be every guy’s go to…. But a hunting cap. Okay rant over. Picture of hunting cap below, please let me know if anyone would like to take it off my hands.

Golden Rule:  Try not to date a guy who has too much on his plate, as it makes for a lot of anxiety on your end.

Tips For Guys: Never buy a girl a hunting cap for any occasion, not even if she is actually going hunting with you. If Kate Spade starts a line of hunting caps this tip may be altered.

hunting cap

Sweet Nothings

So ladies, Happy New Year first of all! Glad to be back! There were some serious progressions in my dating life so let’s get right to it.

I thought I found him ladies! I thought I was about to have a boyfriend… I thought I was about to have a Christmas boyfriend, a new year’s kiss, a date for valentines, and a 6 month anniversary at least. I was contemplating abandoning this blog because I would no longer be single. I could stop being harassed by strangers on online dating sites. I really thought this was it! But of course, life does not work that way. Life actually very much likes to get your hopes up and then it dumps  you two days before Christmas. Well life didn’t do that, a guy did.  You can probably already guess that my relationship ended like an episode of the bachelor when that overly dramatic girl does not get a rose and just sits on the sidewalk and cries on camera for an hour. There were tears and maybe a little bit of vomit… that’s how hurt I was, but let me start from the beginning.

Have you ever met a guy online that you just clicked with…… no?…. yeah me either, until this guy. He wasn’t a perve, he didn’t ask to meet up after three sentences, he actually talked to me like a human person and he was super interesting. So here I am the hopeless romantic, stunned that I have met a gentleman. So what do I do ladies? I lock that shit down, or at least I thought I did. I let our convos naturally progress, then I gave him my number and then within a week and a half we were on our first date.

That first week was like heaven, I got the sought after morning texts! We talked constantly throughout the day, wanting to know as much about each other that we possibly could. Well at least I wanted to, because I was so into this guy. I thought he was so cool, and of course he would say the absolute sweetest things to me. He said I was beautiful, pretty, desirable and the perfect woman. I mean which girl can resist that?  On our first date I met his mom and his dogs (don’t ask how or why, let’s just say I went with the flow).  Everything was perfect. I thought maybe I could be honest and not play by normal dating rules because he was definitely boyfriend material.

We talked for 3 weeks and I will admit I was falling……. probably flat-out fell on my face. I thought he was feeling the same. So I was super surprised when my “boo” called me on December 23rd, to let me know that he had some “bad news”. Not that he would ever read this but babe never start a breakup with “bad news”; I thought someone died for Pete’s sake. (Where does this expression come from, who is Pete?)

He said a girl that he was seeing before, that had moved away suddenly moved back. He said that he was meant to be with her and that it is fated for him and her to be together. He literally used the word fate. (Eye roll) I don’t what I was more devastated about… the fact that he was telling a girl that saw a future with him that he was in love with and supposed to be with someone else or the fact that I would now have to start all over again trying to find a guy on bloody dating sites.

Needless to say I felt like road kill. I cried for about a week. I guess I was mourning the loss of my self-esteem. He literally threw me out like a piece of trash when this other girl moved back. Maybe I was just a stand in. Maybe all the affection he was showing me was actually what he was feeling for her. He swore to me that our three weeks were not a lie and that he meant every word that he said but he keeps insisting that he is meant to be with another.

At this point, I have no idea what to believe. I would love to think that he actually cared about me, but then I just figure you don’t dump a girl in that manner if you actually cared. I summed up all the things he said to be sweet nothings (gave new meaning to that Calvin Harris song.). This guy had me stumble through the holiday season like a heartless zombie; even my mom noticed I was being weird. Anyway I have now reclaimed some semblance of self and is proudly back out there trying to find someone true. It’s going to be like pretty hard though for another guy to get close to me after this traumatic event. I absolutely hate it when one person ruins it for everyone else, it’s exactly like when that annoying kid pees in the pool on that super-hot summer day (gross).

Golden Rule: Guard you’re heart and try not to fall too fast!

Tips for Guys: I literally have none, just a question. You can’t all be heartless…. Can you?

 

The List

I was speaking to this good looking guy online. I thought all was going well, could I have actually found a decent guy? (Very Unlikely, thus the need for this blog.) Then he lets me know that he has a very particular set of skills…. JK, that’s what Liam Neeson says in the movie Taken. What he actually said, was that he had a very specific list of all the things he needs in a woman in order to even consider her.  As usual I am shocked but curious. I asked him what his specifications were.

So before I go on, I just want to say I am not judging this guy because kudos to him for knowing what he wants. I mean my list consists of Tall, handsome, car and tall. That’s about it.  If I have too many specifications I would be considered snooty I think and I certainly don’t want to be snooty & alone. So my bar at the moment is pretty darn low. Before I reveal his very interesting character traits that his ideal woman should have, I would like to mention that though he was good looking, tall and had a car. In no way shape or form was this guy Casanova.  But the show must go on. Here are his traits for the perfect woman:

the-list

Clearly after listing these qualities, I quickly told him that he was barking up the wrong tree here. Not because I didn’t have any of those qualities, but simply because this list existed. He somewhat disagreed as he was sure there were a few things off the list that could be taught (which I thought was a bit arrogant of him). I just told him that I would prefer not to date a guy with a list because society already has enough rules that I have to follow. Things get a bit over whelming when there are so many qualities and characteristics to keep track of. Let me know what you think ladies!

Also Merry Christmas when it comes, ya filthy animals!

Golden Rule: Know what you want ladies, but make sure the bar isn’t unattainable.

Tips for Guys: Guys don’t be too picky; Mrs. Right may be scared off by all your rules.

Were you raised by wolves?

Now this seems to be a recurring theme but we must delve into the issue regardless. The first message that a guy sends to a girl is critical. We all know the “hey” or “hi” could be better. We would sure take that over “let’s go to Bruce peninsula for our first date” (refer to earlier post “Serial Kill Me Why Don’t You?”)(look at us already having inside jokes). Regardless of what you say first to a lady, make is something at least tolerable. So the catalyst of this post is a young man who thought he could address me as a “gyal” on our first encounter. Now for those of you not familiar with Caribbean culture, this word is not the most endearing way to address  a lady. In fact, according to urban dictionary (clutch):  the word “gyal” pronounced Gee-Yal (one syllable), Used by Caribbean people (or fools who think they’re cool) for “girl”, “lady” or “female”.  I am so happy that the writer of the very prestigious and multifaceted urban dictionary included “fools who think they’re cool” because I honestly could not have put it better myself. Please feel free to look this up yourself. It’s on the internet which makes all definitions from that dictionary totally legit. So without further a due please see the following actual bone head that addressed me as a gyal. A guy that addresses a girl as a gyal right out of the gate has not issues calling you a ‘ho” (not the garden tool), a bitch or my least favorite c*nt. I know you may think I am going a bit overboard, but if that’s the first thing that comes to his mind when he sees a girl that may potentially be the “one”. What would he address a “ho” as then?…… beautiful. Maybe it was opposite day and I was not informed.

Let’s say this guy was just trying to be funny, to get my attention. Then please put a “jk” after, like the entire English speaking world does when we are making a joke.  Regardless of what this guy was thinking, I was over him before he got a second sentence in.

Golden Rule: Ladies don’t reply to just anything, an ill-mannered guy is an un-date-able guy!

Tips for guys: Just go with “Hi” or “Hey Beautiful” (works like a charm)

aygyal

Mr. Rude Guy

So we all have that guy who messages us and we do not message them back. Sure they don’t say anything outrageous like “Wanna see my balls?” but they are just not your type. So what do we do? We freeze them out; we read their message and simply never reply (fully aware that they can see that we have read their message).  Us ladies at times think that this is nicer than replying “not that into you”. So of course when I am practicing this age old tradition (known as ghosting) I get called out for it by a not so lovely gentleman.

not-nice-guyLike everyone does this guy, why the hell are you talking to me about it?  Also the thought never crossed your mind that I was super not interested in you and thus did not reply to your very low energy salutation. Nope it didn’t occur to him, it did occur to him to be rude though. Also just for the record I didn’t even look at this guy’s profile and I did not dignify his rudeness with a response. I didn’t even want to bring up the fact that his headline, “A need A nice and caring girl” is the opposite of English or grammar. Nope didn’t bring that up at all. I think that made me the bigger person in this scenario, don’t you?

Golden Rule: If I don’t like you, I won’t respond………….. no hard feelings?

Tips for guys: Please refrain from being rude!