We Are Not Perfect

Hi Ladies,

I just wanted to let you guys know that no relationship is perfect. Brad and I have been having this on-going issue, involving another girl outside of our relationship. Now when I met Brad he came encompassed with all these young, female (some single, some not) friends. Like most girls who start a new relationship I was not comfortable.

Brad has made profound improvements in this regard. He really tries to stay clear of anything that makes me uncomfortable or any interactions that he knows will make me feel not great. However, lol. One still remains.

There is a particular friend whom we have had controversies with concerning some interactions. Stuff that any girl would feel weird about or not appreciate. The problem is that with this particular human, Brad doesn’t really agree that some things were inappropriate.

When he is with this particular individual something else happens. His phone is a deadzone lol. So say I’m chatting away, just telling him usual stuff, expecting a response. Maybe not right away but like within a reasonable time. I’ll either get no response or like weird half answers. So Ofcourse I didn’t feel great about that. And I would notice it most with this particular girl. Like I would just feel the distance.

I have discussed this with Brad and since then have seen major improvements. He has had to actively try to stay attentive when this person is around. Which makes me feel eeeeeeeek. He says it’s because they don’t get to see each other that much so when they do, they have lots to say. I also basically just need to accept this as I do get quite upset every time it happens. Shouldn’t I be use to this by now?

In the most recent incident she asked Brad something that had somewhat to do with me. And like it just feels like my feelings were not considered you know. It just felt like this thing was only about her. And it sucked. After the fact Brad and I discussed but there is like no going back on this thing. Also I would think if it was between me being upset and her being upset. Mine would be more crucial or important but I felt like that wasn’t the case.

This is the one thing that hasn’t really changed much in almost two years. There is no shaking her. And I feel terrible for being that girlfriend that steps in the way of friendships. My fear is that there may be something more than friendship happening there but Brad vehemently disagrees. I feel like freakin Darth Vader every time I bring it up.

Because Ofcourse she’s like a happy little fairy girl. Who doesn’t like that right? While I’m an overthinking, intellectual adult who still allows a fairy girl to make me feel like shit.

Naturally in these scenarios where someone else has your boyfriends attention, you start to over analyze and compare. And comparison is never good. I compact every interaction they have ever had into a little box. And every time she’s brought up, I open this little box and all the uncomfortable feelings seep out. Kinda like in that movie the ring where like that dead girls hair just like comes out of no where and stifles you. Super similar to that.

Brad Ofcourse hates that I do this. Because he literally doesn’t remember anything that has happened with this person past last Tuesday. Is that like a guy thing?

So anyway, this is my dilemma. This problem is not going anywhere as he has to see this person on a semi-regular basis. Some aspects of this situation does make me feel insecure. The usual questions. Am I not interesting enough? Not pretty enough? Not fairy like enough?

Because intrinsically that’s what happens. I don’t feel like enough. I should be so enough that no other human can do this. As no other human does this to me in regards to Brad. But that’s just it. Brad and I are different and see things differently.

So then I’ll think like maybe I’m just being too sensitive or maybe a bit over critical. But then I bring up specific scenarios with my friends and even my MOM. And my mom would say, “hmmmmm something doesn’t seem right with this girl.”

So that’s the dilemma. I have no advice this week but I sure need some.

Just One Of Those Days

Is it me, or do you have those days where you second guess yourself and everything around you. Those days when you wonder if you’re worthy of love. Those days when you wonder how there are millions of people in the world who have found love and you haven’t. Like is it me? Am I just a complete Alien with Alien type tendencies. Or just like wonder, what or who you have to be to convince someone that you are worth loving. I know it sounds so introspective and emo, but am I the only one that wonders?

Maybe I should write a survey and pass it around. The title would be “Whats wrong with me?”. Multiple choice because I would never want people to write their own answers in. You might end up with way more than you bargain for. I would hand it out only to my close family and friends. Just to gather some intel. My friends are pretty honest, so I’d prepare for the worst lol.

Anyway, rant over. Gonna go have some ice cream, that always makes me feel better. I mean ice cream and love are the same thing right?

Hard To Let Go

Hi Ladies, so things have been rough on me. My friends say I take these break ups too hard but that’s because I go into every relationship thinking this could be the one. Ummm so far it hasn’t. I find it super hard to believe that after speaking to me every day for 2 months someone can drop you like a hot potato (never liked that game anyway). So I need to forget about him and enjoy my “Guy Break”. As all of my friends in relationships complain about the things that their men do. I have nothing to complain about…. Other than the fact that I will spend eternity alone, but no big deal.

I have said it before but it’s hard for me to let go of stuff but this one I have to throw into the ocean just like Old Rose did with the Giant diamond at the end of Titanic. I mean if I was to message him, what would I even say?

  1. I miss you so much. Please be with me?
  2. I hate you and hope that you get really bad indigestion for 5 years.
  3. Are you seeing someone else because that’s not fair.

Yeah, so all of those are pathetic so I will continue with my silence.  I find that after a breakup, girls are usually sad and guys just move right along. Then like 3 months down the line is when they feel any sort of regret. By then most girls have moved on. I sincerely hope that’s the case for Picky Eater and I. Man, I gotta stop writing about this guy but I am literally scared to death to date anyone else.

I think about him so much and all the fun things we did. So many things remind me of him and yeah I hate him I think.

P.S. I saw Booty Call again. It’s still not a huge deal though.

Golden Rule: Never text a dude after a breakup, it comes off as pathetic…. I think.

Tips for Guys: Sorry, I’m on a guy break.

Am I A Stalker?

So is it weird that I still look at the Instagram page and FB page of an ex? Remember that guy that dumped me 2 days before Christmas? He and his new girlfriend are getting on quite well and I’m totally hating. (Please see Sweet Nothings to get caught up) I find that like every 2 weeks I have this compulsion to go stare at their lives.  I just want to know how they are doing and if they are close to breaking up. I mean I don’t want them to break up or anything. Okay who am I kidding, I kind of do. He told me that he couldn’t be with me because he fell in love with someone else. Like when did you fall in love with someone else? The same time you were supposed to be falling for me? Am I not all consuming enough that you need to have two women on your roster at all times? Anyway I digress.

Every now and again I have an engagement scare. Like I think their engaged because I see a shadow of a ring on the wrong finger. So far no engagement but I need to prepare myself for when it does happen. I’m at that age now where exes get married and have kids after we break up.  I just know that it’s going to suck major for me when that happens. But you know congratulations to the happy freakin couple.

The other day I noticed from her Instagram page that he got her a Claddagh ring. This is like an Irish traditional ring. Apparently if the heart is pointing in, it means you’re taken and of course she had it pointing in. I only know this because I watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer growing up and her vampire Boyfriend whose name is Angel got her one of those rings.

So current status is; jealous of a fictional character and a real girl for having a traditional Irish ring. Man, being single is hard.

Please see picture of the beautiful Claddagh ring below.

Golden Rule: Stay strong and don’t stalk your ex. It never ends well.

Tips for Guys: Get your girl a Claddagh ring, just do it.

claddagh-ring-front

Something Extraordinary

Hi Ladies, I just wanted to drop some knowledge this week.  I came across a video on FB that really spoke to me. Once you look past all the cat videos and gross like surgery videos, there are some pretty profound things on FB.  So this was a life coach / comedian named Matthew Hussey who speaks on dating and life. The gist of the video is him reacting to a common answer to the question “Why am I single?”. Most of our answers would be, “I just haven’t found anyone yet”, or “I don’t have much time to date”, or “No one likes me/ comes up to me”. That last one is actually what I always say. Dear Mr. Hussey said “NO”. The answer to this question should be “I love my life the way it is now and so something extraordinary would have to come by for me to change it. That just hasn’t happened yet”. (I’m paraphrasing). I will share it on my Being Single Is Hard FB Page.

For me personally, I find myself just going along with relationships dictated by men. I agree that this comes from a place of a somewhat lowered esteem on my part and that causes me to want to please them. I am slowly getting over that. I actually try really hard not to hurt the feelings of guys that I care about  or once cared about, but what I find is that this is not a two way street. Guys hurt girls feelings all the time either consciously or unconsciously, even though I’m convinced that they know; the tone in our voice changes. What I am trying to say is that my life will no longer be just going along with what the guy that I care about says. I will please myself. I will never stop looking for the Extraordinary. Sure in this day and age it’s rare, but I will keep looking.

I do want to add that I am clearly not extraordinary to any of the guys that I have been seeing either not sure if i was even human to them. I think that when they find that extraordinary girl, they will never put her through anything that I went through. I also honestly hope they find what they are looking for. Especially Hunting Cap… he’s a weird a one. I am aware that if I were that extraordinary girl to them, things would be way different. Also lets get smart faster, lets not hang on to something where we know the guys isn’t really into us, okay? It only hurts when you finally realize after like a year. Its just like that time Lucas chose to be with Peyton instead of Brooke. One Tree Hill fans will understand. Its Harsh!

I’d like to think that I’m someone’s dream girl right now without having to change a thing but that’s wishful thinking I guess.

The bar for extraordinary these days has actually significantly lowered from what it used to be. For me something extraordinary is a guy that values your character and your company; someone who doesn’t see spending time with you as a hassle or a burden; someone who is aware of the fact that you are not replaceable. It’s not that I don’t have anyone else that I can spend time with; I have tons of fun friends that entertained me way before I met any of these guys. It’s that once you meet someone that in your eyes is extraordinary, you would want to spend time with them.  Is that wishful thinking?

I want everyone to meet that person that is Extraordinary to them. Everyone deserves someone to make them feel special, wanted and respected.

Side Note:

There is a book called “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. I highly recommend a read. This teaches you things about yourself and what you deem as love. Everyone is different.  The five different languages are:  Gift Giving, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service and Physical Touch.  If I may Mr. Chapman, I would like to add another love language that is more relevant to today’s dating scene. The sixth love language for me would be Communication; which highly includes returning a text message but also includes just being open and truthful. I’m sure it probably falls under one of Mr. Chapman’s categories but i do want to emphasize it. There is no doubt that Physical Touch is my absolute favorite though but I find that I also really like Quality Time. It just shows that this person actually values you. Time is the most precious thing in the universe and if I choose to spend it with you, you must be special. That’s just what I think anyway.

Feel free to chime in and let me know what your love language is and if you will be waiting for something Extraordinary. Also did this help at all?

Maybe being single is hard for me because I am waiting on the Extraordinary.

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