Hi Ladies, I just wanted to drop some knowledge this week. I came across a video on FB that really spoke to me. Once you look past all the cat videos and gross like surgery videos, there are some pretty profound things on FB. So this was a life coach / comedian named Matthew Hussey who speaks on dating and life. The gist of the video is him reacting to a common answer to the question “Why am I single?”. Most of our answers would be, “I just haven’t found anyone yet”, or “I don’t have much time to date”, or “No one likes me/ comes up to me”. That last one is actually what I always say. Dear Mr. Hussey said “NO”. The answer to this question should be “I love my life the way it is now and so something extraordinary would have to come by for me to change it. That just hasn’t happened yet”. (I’m paraphrasing). I will share it on my Being Single Is Hard FB Page.
For me personally, I find myself just going along with relationships dictated by men. I agree that this comes from a place of a somewhat lowered esteem on my part and that causes me to want to please them. I am slowly getting over that. I actually try really hard not to hurt the feelings of guys that I care about or once cared about, but what I find is that this is not a two way street. Guys hurt girls feelings all the time either consciously or unconsciously, even though I’m convinced that they know; the tone in our voice changes. What I am trying to say is that my life will no longer be just going along with what the guy that I care about says. I will please myself. I will never stop looking for the Extraordinary. Sure in this day and age it’s rare, but I will keep looking.
I do want to add that I am clearly not extraordinary to any of the guys that I have been seeing either not sure if i was even human to them. I think that when they find that extraordinary girl, they will never put her through anything that I went through. I also honestly hope they find what they are looking for. Especially Hunting Cap… he’s a weird a one. I am aware that if I were that extraordinary girl to them, things would be way different. Also lets get smart faster, lets not hang on to something where we know the guys isn’t really into us, okay? It only hurts when you finally realize after like a year. Its just like that time Lucas chose to be with Peyton instead of Brooke. One Tree Hill fans will understand. Its Harsh!
I’d like to think that I’m someone’s dream girl right now without having to change a thing but that’s wishful thinking I guess.
The bar for extraordinary these days has actually significantly lowered from what it used to be. For me something extraordinary is a guy that values your character and your company; someone who doesn’t see spending time with you as a hassle or a burden; someone who is aware of the fact that you are not replaceable. It’s not that I don’t have anyone else that I can spend time with; I have tons of fun friends that entertained me way before I met any of these guys. It’s that once you meet someone that in your eyes is extraordinary, you would want to spend time with them. Is that wishful thinking?
I want everyone to meet that person that is Extraordinary to them. Everyone deserves someone to make them feel special, wanted and respected.
There is a book called “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. I highly recommend a read. This teaches you things about yourself and what you deem as love. Everyone is different. The five different languages are: Gift Giving, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. If I may Mr. Chapman, I would like to add another love language that is more relevant to today’s dating scene. The sixth love language for me would be Communication; which highly includes returning a text message but also includes just being open and truthful. I’m sure it probably falls under one of Mr. Chapman’s categories but i do want to emphasize it. There is no doubt that Physical Touch is my absolute favorite though but I find that I also really like Quality Time. It just shows that this person actually values you. Time is the most precious thing in the universe and if I choose to spend it with you, you must be special. That’s just what I think anyway.
Feel free to chime in and let me know what your love language is and if you will be waiting for something Extraordinary. Also did this help at all?
Maybe being single is hard for me because I am waiting on the Extraordinary.