Is it me, or do you have those days where you second guess yourself and everything around you. Those days when you wonder if you’re worthy of love. Those days when you wonder how there are millions of people in the world who have found love and you haven’t. Like is it me? Am I just a complete Alien with Alien type tendencies. Or just like wonder, what or who you have to be to convince someone that you are worth loving. I know it sounds so introspective and emo, but am I the only one that wonders?
Maybe I should write a survey and pass it around. The title would be “Whats wrong with me?”. Multiple choice because I would never want people to write their own answers in. You might end up with way more than you bargain for. I would hand it out only to my close family and friends. Just to gather some intel. My friends are pretty honest, so I’d prepare for the worst lol.
Anyway, rant over. Gonna go have some ice cream, that always makes me feel better. I mean ice cream and love are the same thing right?
Relationships are tough as we all know via my past blogs. You all of a sudden have to bring another person into your world and all of their problems become your problems on top of your own problems. I like having a person that is “mine” but at the same time I need to admit that I enjoy my freedom. Ask any of my friends and they will let you know that I am super impulsive and do what I want when it comes to guys. I also have to admit that being with Picky Eater was making me somewhat miserable. I literally wrote blogs complaining about him. I realize now though that most women will take being miserable over being alone.
Hey! I get it, because that girl is me. I would rather hold on to a shitty relationship than break up with a guy and be alone. All my friends are in relationships right now while I’m out here singing sad songs like Taylor Swift after a breakup. (Love me some Tay Tay) Its literally like even toddlers are dating now, why can’t I? I have to admit that I think that being a woman in her late 20’s (don’t ask me my age snoopy) and not being in a committed relationship or has never been in one is weird. My mom literally was living with my dad when she was 20 (with children). Times have changed.
My mother who has seen all there is to see and done all there is to do, looks at me and tells me not to rush it. I think she is crazy and should be super disappointed, but she sees me go through these awful relationships and it saddens her. Needless to say she is completely on board with my guy break.
I do feel like I have a disability though, not being able to keep a man as they say. I thought I was supposed to be myself in a relationship but maybe I need to be something else. I really don’t know at this point. Guys have a clear cardboard cutout of what they want, but I literally have no idea.
In conclusion I am a hot mess which I believe I have mentioned several times, it may be the one consistent theme throughout all this. Trying to work on myself and love me more. I want an awesome relationship but I’m having trouble passing the honeymoon stage. Maybe I need to be stranded on a desert island with a handsome stranger or stranded on a mountain top with Idris Elba. That’s how people fall in love… when they have no choice. (Please go see “The Mountain Between Us” if you have time. Very good film. I have two words for you; Idris and Elba.)
Golden Rule: Lets all figure out what we actually want.
Tips For Guys: Teach me your decisiveness because I literally don’t know what I want anymore.
Dilemmas are always afoot in my life. Isn’t it hard when you are trying to make a decision but you still won’t get what you want? I want a relationship but it seems that the person I want it with isn’t feasible. He doesn’t want a relationship… ARGH! It’s weird when you think you have something special with someone and no one else does, including the other person. This sucks so badly.
I got comfortable. We know each other; we know what each other’s flaws and weaknesses are. Like it sucks so much now that I have to find someone who wants what I want when I don’t want to. Are you following this? Am I not a whiney baby? lol
Can I just stop looking? Online dating is exhausting isn’t it? I think by the end of all my mental scholastics I am going to end up alone.
Why do we always want things we can’t have with someone who doesn’t think you are good enough for them. As the famous and renowned jewel or our generation Selena Gomez once sang… “The Heart Wants What It Wants”
Please see Selena’s almost teary eyed pic below. That girl can cry on demand like nobody’s business. I love her!
Golden Rule: Whaaaaaaa!
Tips For Guys: When a good girl wants you; let her have you!