Tag Archives: angst

We Are Not Perfect

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Hi Ladies,

I just wanted to let you guys know that no relationship is perfect. Brad and I have been having this on-going issue, involving another girl outside of our relationship. Now when I met Brad he came encompassed with all these young, female (some single, some not) friends. Like most girls who start a new relationship I was not comfortable.

Brad has made profound improvements in this regard. He really tries to stay clear of anything that makes me uncomfortable or any interactions that he knows will make me feel not great. However, lol. One still remains.

There is a particular friend whom we have had controversies with concerning some interactions. Stuff that any girl would feel weird about or not appreciate. The problem is that with this particular human, Brad doesn’t really agree that some things were inappropriate.

When he is with this particular individual something else happens. His phone is a deadzone lol. So say I’m chatting away, just telling him usual stuff, expecting a response. Maybe not right away but like within a reasonable time. I’ll either get no response or like weird half answers. So Ofcourse I didn’t feel great about that. And I would notice it most with this particular girl. Like I would just feel the distance.

I have discussed this with Brad and since then have seen major improvements. He has had to actively try to stay attentive when this person is around. Which makes me feel eeeeeeeek. He says it’s because they don’t get to see each other that much so when they do, they have lots to say. I also basically just need to accept this as I do get quite upset every time it happens. Shouldn’t I be use to this by now?

In the most recent incident she asked Brad something that had somewhat to do with me. And like it just feels like my feelings were not considered you know. It just felt like this thing was only about her. And it sucked. After the fact Brad and I discussed but there is like no going back on this thing. Also I would think if it was between me being upset and her being upset. Mine would be more crucial or important but I felt like that wasn’t the case.

This is the one thing that hasn’t really changed much in almost two years. There is no shaking her. And I feel terrible for being that girlfriend that steps in the way of friendships. My fear is that there may be something more than friendship happening there but Brad vehemently disagrees. I feel like freakin Darth Vader every time I bring it up.

Because Ofcourse she’s like a happy little fairy girl. Who doesn’t like that right? While I’m an overthinking, intellectual adult who still allows a fairy girl to make me feel like shit.

Naturally in these scenarios where someone else has your boyfriends attention, you start to over analyze and compare. And comparison is never good. I compact every interaction they have ever had into a little box. And every time she’s brought up, I open this little box and all the uncomfortable feelings seep out. Kinda like in that movie the ring where like that dead girls hair just like comes out of no where and stifles you. Super similar to that.

Brad Ofcourse hates that I do this. Because he literally doesn’t remember anything that has happened with this person past last Tuesday. Is that like a guy thing?

So anyway, this is my dilemma. This problem is not going anywhere as he has to see this person on a semi-regular basis. Some aspects of this situation does make me feel insecure. The usual questions. Am I not interesting enough? Not pretty enough? Not fairy like enough?

Because intrinsically that’s what happens. I don’t feel like enough. I should be so enough that no other human can do this. As no other human does this to me in regards to Brad. But that’s just it. Brad and I are different and see things differently.

So then I’ll think like maybe I’m just being too sensitive or maybe a bit over critical. But then I bring up specific scenarios with my friends and even my MOM. And my mom would say, “hmmmmm something doesn’t seem right with this girl.”

So that’s the dilemma. I have no advice this week but I sure need some.

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Things That Girls Do….

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Hi Ladies,

So this weekend was quite interesting.

Friday;

Absolutely wonderful. Work sucked but then after I got to see Brad and we ordered pizza and we had amazing, passionate sex. I felt so close to him, physically and emotionally. I love when we connect like that, it literally re-affirms that he is this amazing human and I am so happy he’s all mine.

Saturday;

On this particular Saturday Brad had to work until 4 PM, when he normally works  until like 1 PM. I was pretty bummed on his behalf because I would hate to have to work my whole Saturday away. So when he’s at work, he gets busy and of course being busy = not much attention. Me being an attention hoarder has had to get use to that overtime. I am fairly aware that I require more attention than most. I’m working on that lol.

So at times when he’s at work and not paying attention to me or at least less than the usual amount. Or even texting me back but not like anything engaging, it usually has to do with his company at work. Brad works in a female dominated field and much of his co-workers are women. I am sure I have mentioned this before lol. Since I have been in a relationship for a year; I would like to think that I have matured, have become less jealous and is just generally all around a bigger person. I will try to describe this situation with some sophistication.

I have noticed over the year, that when Brad is working with one particular co-worker is simultaneously when his attention is less engaging. We have had chats about this co-worker and she seems to be a subject of contention in our relationship. Brad has known this girl for a long time and when they get together they have tons to catch up on and talk about. They have a lot in common and rarely get to work together. They share relationship problems and give each other advice and things of that nature. In this scenario, is it fair for me to be jealous or dismayed that when he works with her he is simply having more fun that other nights and that leads to me not getting the standard attention that I’m use to?

Needless to say, we got in a fight about this. The fight was mainly because I didn’t know he was working with her but I did notice him being disengaged. Then when I found out that coincidentally he was working with this lassie, I became enraged. Am I insecure? Maybe… she’s been in his  life a long time, they have a lot in common and she’s blonde.

So we got into a fight right before we had to go to a backyard movie night planned by one of my friends. We tried to resolve it before we went and we did come to a solution. The solution is that I need to be more understanding that on these particular instances I will most likely get less attention, and that Brad will actively make an effort to give me the same level of attention.

We went to the party, had a good time and left.

Sunday;

Woke up together, I was still having fight flashbacks. So, do all girls do that thing where they re play every bit of a fight in their head, even though the argument is over and it should have been resolved?  I literally replayed everything that was said a million times and started feeling crappy about it all over again. I then started feeling insecure, wondering why this particular person is able to engulf so much of Brad’s attention. In the end I just needed a girls day. I hung out with one of my friends and I just felt better after stepping away from the situation.

I’m in love with Brad and as of right now, he’s not only my boyfriend, he’s pretty much one of my best friends. I tell him everything. I depend on him for guidance, company and affection. But is that too much? I’ve  decided to just reign it in for a while. I am working on my attention issue. I hate being jealous or feeling like I’m sharing him at any point but I have to be rational. I have to understand that he really likes this girl as a friend and that their interaction is not inappropriate in any way.

I have to be mature about this.

P.S. When this girl confesses her undying love for him for always being such a good friend, I will definitely let you guys know.

Golden Rule: If your significant other is giving you less attention at times, try to understand it.

Tips For Guys: Give your girl attention. Trust me, it will make her a happy clam.

 

Summer Summer Summer Time.

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Hi Ladies!

I know I haven’t been writing much lately and that’s not good! Life is definitely getting in the way of my juicy relationship stories.

What’s been going on with Brad and I, you ask? He has been getting to know the family. He has been to several family events and he is now very familiar with members of my clan. They like him too but is he getting overwhelmed? Yes. Can he remember everyone’s names? Nope, but that’s natural. To be honest he’s only met less than a quarter of my family. I’m easing him in slowly. (That’s what she said)

We officially had a talk with my mom about buying a house together. She was pretty chill about the talk but I can tell she is melting inside like butter in a microwave. She is scared for her baby girl to leave her, live with a man and for me to be on my own. She’s also scared to be on her own. Who can blame her? These are all completely rational fears.

I’ll keep you posted on how and when buying a house with Brad goes. Who knew we would get here? Time sure flies when you are dating a committed, loving man. Remember in my earlier blogs when I thought this wouldn’t happen? Yeah me too. He’s not perfect but I love his imperfections. I’ll talk about those in another post. Lol.

Ladies, there is Hope yet.

Being single is still hard I’m sure, but I’m not single anymore. I don’t wanna jinx it though.

Golden Rule: If you want to buy a house with your lover, try to not already buy one with your parent.

Tips for guys: Commitment is everything. Girls love a guy who can commit.

Send Me Some Good Vibes

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Hello Ladies! Its been almost a month since I have posted and that’s just because my life is literally a roller coaster. I had another car accident, YES another one. How annoying right? I am trying to figure out why these things happen to me. I am just trying to stay positive and look to the future.

My sister sent me this quote today. “Adulting is like looking two ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane”. I literally never see half the things that are coming before they happen. Regardless, I’m hanging in there and is going car shopping this weekend. Do I have money for a new car? The answer is no……. but do I need a car? Unfortunately, yes.

So here I go, moving into the future with the hope that things will work out. Is being single hard? Or is being alive hard? I would say both.

Brad and I are still going strong. He calls me a goofball and we laugh so much. He is exactly what I need in my turbulent life. His  life is like a calm peaceful river while mine is a little boat in a ginormous storm. Lets hope the little boat was like built by Elon Musk!

All in all….. life is rough sometimes. I have got to keep my head up and keep moving.

Send me all the positive vibes you got, I could sure use it.

Crystals Are A Girl’s Best Friend!

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Merry Christmas Ladies! I hope you had a wonderful holiday season. I am very blessed to have had a great holiday season even though everything isn’t perfect in my working life at the moment. I am thankful for my friends, family and my boyfriend. Speaking of Brad, I just wanted to talk about one of my Christmas gifts.

So he did get me many things but of all the things, I am most grateful for my Swarovski Earrings. They are little silver hoops with Swarovski crystals. They are super beautiful! Now I may be biased because they are from my favorite guy but yeah, they are stunning. I mean lets just start with the fact that I have never gotten jewelry from a man before! Sad? Yeah I know. To all the ladies out there who have gotten countless pieces of jewelry from men, be thankful. It’s honestly very rare for me lol.

Needless to say, I love them and will wear them forever! I was considering wearing them everyday, but then I thought nah, my other earrings would get jealous and we certainly don’t want that!

I just wanted to say, lets make 2019 awesome. For me 2018 was a mixed bag. Lots of bad things happened along with good things. I want 2019 and every year going forward to be filled with decisions and ideas all geared toward making me successful. I wish you all the same!

Also, thanks for reading for the whole year ladies!

Golden Rule: Getting your first piece of jewelry  from your BF is major, so cherish that moment.

Tips For Guys: Get her jewelry whenever you can! She can never have enough lol.

Six Months In Our Love Bubble

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Hi Ladies! I’ve been Brad’s girl for six whole months. That’s long for me lol. I’m pretty excited about it and I’m quite happy in my relationship which is no small matter. We celebrated by going out for dinner and me being the romantic I am, stole an idea from pinterest. So I know he likes Toblerone Chocolates (because I had some in my room and he ate half the box lol), so I put a bunch in a mason jar with a sweet note and a bow on top. OMG guys, it was so cute! I’m super impressed with myself. (pats self on back) I know he liked it or at least he certainly liked the Toblerones.

I’m happy to say I’ve grown in this relationship into a more secure me. I am happy that nothing has changed since the beginning of the relationship other than the fact that we are slowly morphing into the same person. We definitely have a deeper connection now but its still as fun as the beginning. Are we still in the honeymoon phase? Maybe?!

I also just wanted to add how incredible our sex has been. I think the longer we are together the more we know each other’s desires. We definitely know what we both like and maximize on those things. All I can say is “WOW!”. I find him sexier than ever now and is still pretty enamored with him.

Alright I’ll stop gushing! I just wanted to let ya’ll know we are six months deep lol.

P.S. Super excited for Christmas!

Golden Rule: When you are in love, time flies fast! Enjoy every moment of it.

Tips for Guys: Be the guy that a girl can fall in love with. It’s worth it!

 

Don`t F*** this Up!

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Hi Ladies,

Can I be Frank with you guys? I’m in love, for the first time in a long time and can I just say it feels great. I feel like Mary Poppins floating off with her Umbrella. I feel like Cady Heron when she finally got with Aaron Samuels at the end of mean girls. You get it right? I’m Rose  pre-Jack floating off into the ocean. Anyway, yeah you get it.

So the problem I’m having is seriously trying not to mess this up lol. I want to show him all of me, including my crazy and my anxiety. But is it too much? Well if you’ve been a reader of my blog for the past two years, you know that I really value my relationships and that I’m a sweety. An anxious ovethinking sweety but a sweety non the less.

I’m constantly trying to improve me and work out my kinks on my own. I know I’m not perfect and like all girls, we have our flaws. We have things that will annoy the crap out of our significant others and that’s just the way it is. I am however trying to make myself the best girl I can be. I’m always trying to improve on who I am at work, within my family relationships and even just as a human on earth. But especially in my personal relationship, I try to be the best girlfriend all the time.

I’m dating a very confident and secure person. So I’m always trying to be the same except my anxiety gets in the way lol. I guess I have to figure out that I’m allowed to be vulnerable with him and I need to work on being comfortable with it. I also want him to be comfortable being vulnerable with me.

What can I say? I’m still a work in progress. I still have a lot to learn about love and about really sharing myself with another.

Golden Rule: Don’t F*** up a great relationship and work on being okay with your vulnerability.

Tips For Guys: Don’t F*** up a great relationship!

Girl Angst

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Hi Ladies! How goes it? How was Halloween?! I had a pretty good Halloween, I spent it with Brad. We set up his house all spooky and giggled at the disdain on toddlers faces when they figured out they’d have to brave our ghoulish setup in order to receive their candy. Some of the faces were just priceless. We even had an over-enthusiastic toddler yell PUMPKIN!! Like really loud at one of our pumpkins. It was hilarious! We ordered pizza and watched the office, it was a pretty near perfect night.

So we are 5 months into our relationship and like many women at this point, I’m feeling some angst. I call it girl angst or “gangst” for short lol. At this point, Brad knows me inside and out. He knows I’m a whiner, he knows I mildly snore when I sleep (emphasis on MILDLY), he knows I get really cranky when I don’t eat and he knows I’m a cuddle bug. Does he like these things? I hope so! It’s at the point when he pretty much knows all there is to know about me and now I start to wonder if he likes any of it. Am I the only one who thinks about this?

I mean at this point, I know quite a lot about him as well. I know most of his habits and vices. I think they are all cute or at least manageable lol. There hasn’t been anything that I would run to the hills for. But as a girl, I am still enamored by him and is still interested to know more. As I am not a guy….. I don’t know what they are thinking. I mean I could always just ask, but where’s the fun in that? lol. Just kidding, I do try to be very open with Brad about what I’m feeling and he is very keen on reciprocating or help me deal with it.

Most likely its nothing and they are just following the natural ebs and flows of our relationship. But what do I do? I overthink and write blogs about my angst! Most of the time to be completely honest, I don’t know where all this angst comes from. All I know is it sucks and I hate overthinking.

In the end, I have to remember that I can’t control anything having to do with matters of the heart and that everything happens for a reason. Wherever this relationship takes me, I’m thankful.

Please listen to Ariana Grande’s song “Thank You, Next”. It’s pretty darn good and is pretty relatable to like every girl out there.

Also, check out our pumpkin creations below. I carved a goofy pumpkin and Brad carved a poop emoji. LOL PUMPKIN!!

Golden Rule: Try to chill out, keep the angst at bay.

Tips For Guys: Girls have angst, don’t worry we try to keep it to ourselves for the most part.

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