So I hope your summer’s are going better than mine because I am annoyed AF. “Hunting Cap” decided that I should be his girlfriend again. He broke up with his girlfriend and within 4 days wanted to replace her with me. He called her “crazy” and outrageous. There was one particular issue that broke this couple and they were unable to recover.
Hunting Cap shared with me that his horrible ex-girlfriend yelled at him for tipping a waiter $2.00. So I wasn’t there or anything and I really shouldn’t pass any judgement but I am about to pass some judgement. I am judge Judy right now, I’m about to drop some restaurant etiquette on you.
Nothing that you order from any respectable restaurant in a metropolitan area would warrant at $2.00 tip. I mean even if a waiter spilled my drink all over me and then spat in my replacement drink would I tip the waiter $2.00. That is just not how society works. It just makes you look like a cheap ass. Plus if the waiter is hot, a little spittle might count as some action. Sorry this is just the way I think as I am single. Too gross? Oh well. Anyway I digress.
I promptly turned him down as I am no one’s second choice. Plus nothing has really changed; I mean this guy is capable of ignoring me for a full 24-48 hour period on his birthday. Needless to say, he’s cray. (See And His Name Was Hunting Cap post if you need to be brought up to speed or Ghost of Ex-Boyfriend’s Past Pt. 1 or 2. Yeah this guy is a nightmare.)I told him we are currently just friends. This doesn’t stop him from calling me every night at around 12:30 AM to just catch me up on his lack luster days. I feel like a douche-bag ignoring his calls and date proposals but I really don’t want to go down this road.
Why am I not happily skipping into a relationship with a guy that actually wants to be in a relationship you may ask?
The answer is… Booty Call is back and I am thoroughly distracted. I can’t focus on two guys at once because I have a very short attention span. How guys juggle millions of girls is a mystery. Hey, so I get it if you rolled your eyes and is thoroughly upset with me. I will lay it all out in an impending blog post. Stay tuned to find out how a guy that said he wasn’t attracted to me throughout our lengthy tryst, ended up back in my life and I back in his bed. It’s a roller coaster and I wouldn’t miss it if I were you.
Golden Rule: Some Ex’s are just not worth it.
Tips for Guys: Never tip a waiter $2.00. If you are going through hard times, just eat at home. Its way less embarrassing.
Hunting Cap has made his second and final cameo in my life. This happened a few weeks ago but it just sunk in enough for me to write about it. Kind of like when they cancelled One Tree Hill the first time and those of you who remember that show are aware that that was a tough time for us teens. Anyway the point was that this situation weighed pretty heavy on me.
So I got an anonymous text from an unknown number and the person said “Hello Tanya”. I thought this was it; this was the beginning of my own Scream movie. I was about to be Neve Campbell as she ran and clumsily stumbled to her death. I thought the next line was going to be “What’s your favorite scary movie?” But it was nothing as exciting as this. It was literally just Hunting Cap trying to wiggle himself back into my life.
So even though dating hunting cap was the worst experience of my life. When he messaged me I still thought, “Maybe he still likes me?”. Somewhere deep inside I still had a little bit of a soft spot for hunting cap. After this current encounter however there is no more soft spot. I never mentioned this before but in my day job…no I’m not a super hero…..even though I see how you may guess that. Anyway in my day job, I work in a field that is associated to Hunting Caps field and after a long like two day conversation he told me that he was messaging me for a job. He WAS ASKING ME FOR A JOB! I don’t mean to yell but seriously, how dare he?
This dude blocked me on Instagram and FB. He made me feel crazy for trying to still be friends with him. After our break up, I was still maybe hoping it would work but he made sure to eliminate any hope I had. I literally told him “You can block me on Insta and FB and treat me like crap… and then ask me for a job?” Then I blocked him and that was that. Then I cried because I am a softeeeee, but I am toughening up now…. Right? I actually cried because I started questioning our entire relationship after seeing what he was capable of.
Golden Rule: Block me on all social media when we break up? Don’t ask me for a job or anything for that fact.
So hunting cap made a slight re-visitation to my life and it was not a welcomed one! He re-added me on snap chat with a different username. So of course I wanted to know who the heck was adding me. I asked if it was indeed “hunting cap”. He confirmed. I then asked if he was finished school, as he was finishing up a course while we were dating. He didn’t answer my question; instead he asked me if I missed him. I’m obviously a softee which you guys all know by now. I answered with a cool “Yeah I miss you a bit”. Expecting a “Yeah I miss you too” or “Yeah maybe we can catch up” or “I miss you so much please marry me and I will never buy you a hunting cap again”. Nope, I got none of those.
I got “Sorry, I’m seeing someone.” It felt like he slapped me across the face so hard that I had to spit out my wine. (because I only drink wine, duh.)
So like, why ask me if I missed you in the first place? This was to deliberately hurt me. Like is this guy even human? I thought I was over him and his lame gifting ass, but apparently I wasn’t as he still had the power to hurt me.
I hastily deleted and blocked him from my snap chat and can happily say that the “Hunting Cap” saga of my life is now done. Hooray! Anyone want to buy a hunting cap? Let me know in the comments. I might as well benefit financially from his stupidity.
Like what did I ever do to this guy other than buy him cheesecake? (Please see “And His Name Was Hunting Cap” to understand this reference.)
Golden Rule: Never give shitty ex’s a second chance.
Tips for Guys: Don’t try to hurt girls that go out of their way to buy you cheesecake. It’s just not cool bro.
Hello Ladies! I’m sorry I left you for a bit again. I was once again trying out a relationship which was empty and void as most are. This time I was skeptical thanks to my previous bout with “almost love”. I was suspicious the entire time. Within two weeks of talking to this guy he asked me to be his GF. No idea why that fast but I wasn’t really in a position to say no (as I desperately wanted to be someone’s GF). I was eager to jump into something else because my ex told me he found his soulmate and had to leave me. I was adamant at showing him that I could find my soul mate too. Evidently I can’t as I am the author of a singles blog lol.
So it was a whirl wind, we dated for about a month. (This is my new record lol) In the beginning it was all texts all the time. He was there for me through a bit of a tough time in my life. (let’s just say 2017 hasn’t been a cake walk.) I knew deep down this guy wasn’t the one, but I thought “there is no reason he couldn’t be Mr. Right Now”. I desperately wanted to give this guy a chance. After about 2 weeks the text messaging got really light. Maybe like 1 a day. (much like the ladies vitamin which I seriously recommend. Especially the gummies but I digress.) So this guy or shall we call him “Hunting Cap” was in school and also worked very odd hours which I was very much aware of when I entered the relationship. However he assured me more than once that he would make time to see me and hang out with me. When the texts started getting light I tried to break it off, as I felt myself having anxiety constantly waiting for a text from my so called “Boyfriend”. When I tried to break it off, he literally begged me not to. He said he could make this work and that he didn’t want to just give up. So he got a second chance.
I don’t want to drag this on but this story ends with him ignoring me on a day when I planned to celebrate his upcoming birthday. I bought cheesecake for him (I strongly dislike cheesecake), I got his favorite beer and was fully ready to order takeout. Invited him over to my house to have a special pre-birthday hang out, I thought I was being nice. Apparently this sounded like a day in a hell dimension to “Hunting Cap”. He didn’t text me for like a full maybe 24-36 hours. While I text him like 100 times asking where he was?….what he was doing?…was he still coming? I was met with radio silence. I finally indicated through text that we were over and that I couldn’t carry on in a relationship like this. The following day he simply explained that he left his phone at his friend’s house. HIS FRIEND’S HOUSE! Sorry for yelling but is that not just the lamest excuse in the book. Then he stated that he didn’t have time for me and that I should go find myself someone who had time for me (slap in the face much?). That was the end of that. So 2/2 relationships tried ended in disaster. I am currently on a dating hiatus…. I call it Man free March. My idea of man free though does not discount my occasional tryst which just keeps all my needs met if you know what I am saying (wink, wink.) Don’t worry I am not keeping secrets, there will be an impending blog post coming up with the details.
So why do we call him hunting cap you ask? That’s what he got me for my birthday. A hunting cap… A HUNTING CAP! There has been a lot of yelling in this post and I do apologize. I repetitively told him that I would never go hunting with him as that was his thing. But what does he get his ultra girly girlfriend for her birthday. A hunting cap. Not a bath bomb from Lush, which should be every guy’s go to…. But a hunting cap. Okay rant over. Picture of hunting cap below, please let me know if anyone would like to take it off my hands.
Golden Rule: Try not to date a guy who has too much on his plate, as it makes for a lot of anxiety on your end.
Tips For Guys: Never buy a girl a hunting cap for any occasion, not even if she is actually going hunting with you. If Kate Spade starts a line of hunting caps this tip may be altered.