Now this seems to be a recurring theme but we must delve into the issue regardless. The first message that a guy sends to a girl is critical. We all know the “hey” or “hi” could be better. We would sure take that over “let’s go to Bruce peninsula for our first date” (refer to earlier post “Serial Kill Me Why Don’t You?”)(look at us already having inside jokes). Regardless of what you say first to a lady, make is something at least tolerable. So the catalyst of this post is a young man who thought he could address me as a “gyal” on our first encounter. Now for those of you not familiar with Caribbean culture, this word is not the most endearing way to address  a lady. In fact, according to urban dictionary (clutch):  the word “gyal” pronounced Gee-Yal (one syllable), Used by Caribbean people (or fools who think they’re cool) for “girl”, “lady” or “female”.  I am so happy that the writer of the very prestigious and multifaceted urban dictionary included “fools who think they’re cool” because I honestly could not have put it better myself. Please feel free to look this up yourself. It’s on the internet which makes all definitions from that dictionary totally legit. So without further a due please see the following actual bone head that addressed me as a gyal. A guy that addresses a girl as a gyal right out of the gate has not issues calling you a ‘ho” (not the garden tool), a bitch or my least favorite c*nt. I know you may think I am going a bit overboard, but if that’s the first thing that comes to his mind when he sees a girl that may potentially be the “one”. What would he address a “ho” as then?…… beautiful. Maybe it was opposite day and I was not informed.

Let’s say this guy was just trying to be funny, to get my attention. Then please put a “jk” after, like the entire English speaking world does when we are making a joke.  Regardless of what this guy was thinking, I was over him before he got a second sentence in.

Golden Rule: Ladies don’t reply to just anything, an ill-mannered guy is an un-date-able guy!

Tips for guys: Just go with “Hi” or “Hey Beautiful” (works like a charm)

So we all have that guy who messages us and we do not message them back. Sure they don’t say anything outrageous like “Wanna see my balls?” but they are just not your type. So what do we do? We freeze them out; we read their message and simply never reply (fully aware that they can see that we have read their message).  Us ladies at times think that this is nicer than replying “not that into you”. So of course when I am practicing this age old tradition (known as ghosting) I get called out for it by a not so lovely gentleman.

Like everyone does this guy, why the hell are you talking to me about it?  Also the thought never crossed your mind that I was super not interested in you and thus did not reply to your very low energy salutation. Nope it didn’t occur to him, it did occur to him to be rude though. Also just for the record I didn’t even look at this guy’s profile and I did not dignify his rudeness with a response. I didn’t even want to bring up the fact that his headline, “A need A nice and caring girl” is the opposite of English or grammar. Nope didn’t bring that up at all. I think that made me the bigger person in this scenario, don’t you?

Golden Rule: If I don’t like you, I won’t respond………….. no hard feelings?

Tips for guys: Please refrain from being rude!

So in online dating, you usually assume a guy is innocent until proven creepy. But have you ever gotten some weird shit right off the top. A “hi” or a “hey” is expected. Maybe even a “you’re beautiful!” But lately I have been a weird target for some strange messages. See photos below for some of the weirdest crap I have ever been messaged. Here is my point though, what are us girls supposed to do with these messages. Like obviously we are going to just delete them (or screenshot it and write a blog about it). Sometimes I wonder if there are girls out there that think these messages are A-Okay. What if there are girls out there who would say “yes, I would totally love to go travelling to a woodsy place with a stranger on my first date.” Are there girls out there who enjoy being spoken to about fecal matter? I would also like to know; what it is about my profile that tells guys it’s okay to message me these things? (That’s a whole other blog post lol)  Do I have to put “no serial killers or sadists please!” on my profile, that at least should be a given.  Girls in relationships have no idea the verbal abuse we go through just to find a decent guy.  Ladies let me hear you! What are our thoughts on these weirdo guys and has this ever happened to you? (Because I can’t be alone in this)

Golden Rule:  Always be smart about where you go on your first date and don’t suppress you’re “stranger danger” feelings, even when the guy is hot!

Tips for Guys: Stop being weird!

So I am online dating as I usually do… on the hunt for Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now if the mood strikes me, only to come upon the most ridiculous username that I have ever seen. So this guy messages me “hello gorgeous hru?”, and without thinking I reply “hey”. His picture looked okay enough to warrant a response, however when I took a look at his username, I was immediately rebuffed. I won’t plague you with suspense anymore, his username was DeezzzNuts. I kid you not (see picture below for proof). Please tell me what’s going through a guy’s head when he makes his username DeezzzNuts! Is it supposed to be humorous? Am I supposed to swoon at the mention of his scrotum? To be honest, I was actually going to talk to the guy for a bit but he basically self-sabotaged himself. Also if a guy can’t make a coherent decision on what his username is going to be… what else can I assume about you? His real name is probably something shame worthy to go with DeezzzNuts! He is probably so obsessed with his nuts, that when the time came to make a username, they were the first thing that popped into his head! Ladies, should I date this guy anyway, just to do some recon on his nuts? I mean if he is bold enough to mention it  right out of the gate, it’s probably worth mentioning. Are they golden? Do they smell like cinnamon? Will they be the smoothest, wrinkleless ball sacks I have ever encountered?  Should I take one for the team just to behold them? I am actually talking myself into dating a guy whose username is Deezzznuts, SMH.

If a guy can’t pick a decent username, what else can’t he do?

Golden Rule: Don’t date a guy whose username is DeezzzNuts. (shouldn’t have to tell you this one)

Tips for Guys: Pick creative yet non-offensive usernames. I promise that ladies will respond a bit more to you. Heck I would of responded positively if it was DeeezzzDiplomas or DeezzzDeposits.

Hey Ladies, am I the only one wondering what our profile pics should be on these dating sites? Is it like a pic where I am smiling or pouting? Should I be doing yoga or a keg stand? Who really knows?  So I thought the golden rule was to have a pic of your face and then your body. However I find some girls just put up a pic of themselves in yoga pants and that usually gets the job done. To each their own but let’s get down to the meat and potatoes…. the actual profile.  Do you like to ski and be outdoorsy? (Is that even a word?) Do you like movies and is a T.V show fanatic? (Netflix and chill maybe) What are your interests? Do you say world peace or who is going to be the next American Idol? And here comes my favorite question. What’s your perfect date? (“That’s a tough one. I’d have to say April 25th. Because it’s not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a light jacket”.… sorry Ms. Congeniality quote, I just had to do it). So what are your perfect date’s ladies? Is it a walk on the proverbial beach?, is it a chat over coffee? So you both can enjoy each other’s coffee breath?

Well from personal experience, never go to a bar, the whole thing can go terribly wrong. See painful story below;

So I had a strategy all planned out. My friend and her boyfriend would go ahead to the bar. She saw his pic and knew what she was looking for. They got a seat close to him so that when I came they would be able to see me and save me if necessary. So she goes ahead and gives me the A-Okay that he is not a creep. I enter the bar looking all cute. I see him; he is super cute and nervous. I sit down and we start to chat. We order my favorite thing from the pub and we decide to share. We also both start off with one cider each. (I am a sucker for Cider….who’s with me? No one? Oh okay.) So cider gets me tipsy pretty quick. Within half an hour I tell my friends that I am cool.  They leave us all alone. We are chatting and laughing and somehow sitting on the same side of the booth. Next thing I know we are making out….like embarrassingly making out in this pub. So I suggest with my big mouth that we should probably take this party to his car. This is of course, 3 ciders in and I am not myself (at least that’s what I tell myself).  We get to his car and all hell broke loose. We start making out hard and all types of other stuff happen. Long story short, it went way too far on the first date and then after I got home, the guy barely texted me again.

Golden Rule: Basically I found out that a guy really isn’t interested in a girl that gives anything away on the first date. I find that guys like the chase. At least that is my experience. Tell me about your own experiences below, bloggers need advice too!

Ladies! Just how many times have you scrolled through a guy’s dating profile and find these spelling mistakes that make you wonder “Am I desperate enough for this?”…. “will he be able to actually have a conversation with me?” ….. is there a profession known as ‘Head Cheaf’ and am I just not educated enough to have heard of this profession. I want to let you know that you are better than these grammatically oblivious men. If you are able to write a well put together, witty and cute profile so should they. I mean are we just going to let society dictate that men are lazy , meat headed morons who can’t string a sentence together. I beg to differ…. i.e (insert smart guys names) . These guys that we are expected to date right now in 2016 just think that this is what we deserve, or that our standards are so low that we should just accept anything.  They can spell a million things wrong and we should still go out with them. Well I say nay. A man that cannot spell is equivalent to a man that will not open the car door for you, a man that will not shower, a man that will have second thoughts about paying for dinner, and most definitely a man that you do not want to date.

This blog is not for the faint of heart, lol. It’s actually for women who are going through single trials and tribulations. I want to drum up some comradery among us. I just want to let you know you are not alone out there, going through countless dating websites… wondering what has happened to the world and does love truly exist. This blog is also for the long-term relationship or even married woman. You need to know what a jungle it is right now in the dating world. You ladies need to know what your , single 26 year old little sister is going through because nothing is like it was in 1994 when you found your sweetheart in university and lived happily ever after. It’s also for gentlemen who are brave enough to read a blog from a female perspective. It is a different landscape for single women and these are our stories. (Insert law and order sound)