Insincere

In life there are two roads that you can take; Sincerity or Insincerity. Now I don’t know about you but I couldn’t help being my very sincere authentic self even if I tried. However there are people; and in this case gentlemen, who thrive on insincerity. Even when it is totally unnecessary. The reason I am blathering on and on about this, is because Mr. Booty Call ended our tryst. He claimed that throughout the entirety of our pseudo relationship he was not attracted to me.  I, as a sincere person was completely unaware that there was a way to have mind blowing sex, for months with a person and not even be attracted to them. That’s just me though, open hearted single girl who actually believes a guy when he says “Your ass is what every guy wants”.

As you all know, I have been going back and forth on whether to end it with Booty Call for a while now, as I knew it wouldn’t end well. This ending though I didn’t see coming. It was a particular strain of cruel that knocked my self-esteem right off its white horse.  I thought that he was the one guy who wouldn’t deliberately try to hurt me if he needed space or wanted to see someone else. I knew it would hurt when it came time to move on but I thought it would go something like this “Hey, so I think I wanna bang someone else.” To which I would say “okay” as we just had a sexual relationship.  What I didn’t expect was “I just don’t like banging you, and I never did. Thus everything I ever said to you was a lie”. He didn’t actually say that but I read between the lines.

I’m not going to be insincere and say that I wasn’t feeling more and that I didn’t want more because I did. Somewhere in my delusional mind I thought some of those feelings were being reciprocated. It seems that was not the case.

This one hit me harder than the death of Jack in the Titanic and that says a lot. Like Rose, you seriously can’t scoot over a bit and let jack float some on the door. Regardless of my issues with how Rose handled that situation, when booty call said he was never attracted to me from the start; I felt like my heart smashed into a giant iceberg. He told me that he was sorry that it took him until last weekend to make him tell me this. That statement was like a knife. All I could picture was him cringing every time I asked to hang out but still said yes anyway. I’ll take him at his word and believe him that he thought I was gross throughout the several months we banged. I’m sorry he had to suffer through that.

Life will go on and I will date another, hopefully someone who appreciates me for what and who I am; but for now I’m pretty crushed. Like random panic attacks crushed. In the mean time he is probably already a week into another awesome relationship, hopefully with a girl he finds attractive this time.

The very hardest part about being single is the absolutely unkind things guys say to you. They just have no idea how much their words hurt. Their words leave a mark.

But of course the question on everyone’s mind is “what about the nudes?!”. So he said he deleted them but he is the only one who knows if that’s true. Considering he thought I was the grossest girl he ever laid eyes on, it shouldn’t be too hard to Bin them.

Hang in there; I’ve got all summer to make you laugh. I have got to share my pain with you guys too, it’s how I work through it.

Golden Rule: Check to make sure a guy is attracted to you first before initiating “friends with benefits” relationship. I never thought I would have to check for that, it seems we have a new problem.

Tips for Guys: Don’t have sex with girls you aren’t attracted to and then wait months and months to tell them. It’s just cruel.