On To The Next One

Hello Ladies! I haven’t posted in a while and I apologize. I have been busy, but not in a relationship busy so don’t worry. Your girl is still single and V-day is still a problem.  It’s on Wednesday! Boooo! I am wondering if I can go through that entire day and just pretend that nothing’s happening? Yeah probably not.  I have too many friends that are loved up for that one. Instagram is probably going to be a barf fest but I digress.  I need to start loving love even though I am really bad at it and it doesn’t seem to love me back.

What have I been doing you might ask? Fighting with my insurance company, which takes a lot of energy I might add. We are debating Jasmine’s fate. (My Car) Other than that , I have been whining like a baby about being single and that no one likes me. That’s takes a lot of energy too. My friend at work whom I torture with my complaints (sorry girl) literally told me that I need to stop Back tracking. She said “Leave them all behind, and just say on to the next one.” And you know what she is right. When I backtrack nothing good ever comes of it, like ever.

This week I backtracked with Picky Eater a bit. I know! The horror, the shame! It doesn’t matter because nothing came of it. I literally wanted to be with him again and he literally said no, no progress was made at all. He is now in the dust.  (Another one bites the dust)

I am officially on to the next guy. No more wasting time. My biological clock is ticking! Is there a next guy you may ask? The answer is yes. I am not ready to unveil him to the world yet. I am keeping him hidden away like he’s the next iphone. The one that can finally cook you dinner and comes with a live robot of Siri. Yeah that definitely sounds like an episode of Black Mirror.

Being Single is hard when your biological clock is ticking so loud you can’t hear yourself think.

In the meantime please take a look at some of the really nice messages I have been getting on POF. There are some real charmers out there.

Golden Rule: Don’t look back, just move forward.

Tips For Guys: Leave your ex-girlfriends alone. Let them get over you.

bobbyCurvy or Busty

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Chill Pill

Hi Ladies, Its been a rocky week for Picky Eater and I…. though Picky Eater has no idea anything is going on lol. Am I the only one who does this? I basically have entire arguments in my head about the crap that he does. To him though I play it cool because I don’t want to seem crazy. This week he took the disappearing act thing up a notch to a one word answer thing. Arggghhh. Drove me crazy all week. I literally started having all these self made crazy girl theories.

Theories;

  1. He is not interested anymore and is slowly winding me down to a subtle ghosting.
  2. He is talking to another girl, thus I am no longer a priority or interesting.
  3. He is an alien.
  4. He is secretly married with children. (that’s only half a theory as one half of that is true)
  5. He’s just super busy, and doesn’t have time to chit chat.

I think its definitely number 3 but what do I know.

I am so into him, attached and invested that the thought of him pulling away for any reason is literally giving me the shakes. I mean a cried multiple times this week. Lets also keep in mind that I am PMSing, so you know…. extra emotional.

Then I woke up this morning and I decided I don’t care anymore. I am going to give myself a bloody heart attack. Which is not the way I thought I would ever get a heart attack. I always thought it would be from those little egg mcmuffins from McDonald’s that I have had for breakfast every morning this week, or from extra butter on my movie theater popcorn.

So I have officially stopped caring, stopped stressing and is taking a huge Chill Pill. I have to learn that I can’t control everything…especially dudes and what’s going on in their heads. So welcome to the era of Zen. I am just going to hang out with my friends and be happy for the impending holiday season.

I did make a deal with him though that if at anytime either of us is just not feeling this anymore, we would be straight up with each other. He agreed… so lets see if he sticks to it. I know I will.

Being Single is hard but it helps if you are Zen.

Golden Rule: You can’t overdose on chill pills so take as many as you want.

Tips for Guys: One wording a girl drives her up the wall.

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The Disappearing Act

Hey Ladies, I just wanted to keep you adrift on my newest single annoyance. I happen to be going on a trip next week. Yup leaving good ole Canada for a few days, trust me I need the vacation.  Picky Eater has decided that there was no need to see me this weekend before my trip so that sucked. Also he disappears on me for hours at a time. Now I know what you are thinking… “He has stuff to do!” Yeah and I get it, he most definitely is a busy person. When he stops messaging me from 7 pm on a Saturday night though, that arouses some concern from me.

He doesn’t really tell me when he is about to go missing he just does. I have no idea when he is going to resurface and it drives me insane. Like I know we are exclusively dating and all that but we are supposed to be building trust and that shit scares me.  I hate it when guys disappear on you because they could literally be doing anything. Also, as a girl your mind just automatically goes to the worst places. Like my go to place is he was out axe throwing and he mis-stepped. The axe then flew through a glass and he is about to get charged by cops for  Vandalism or another common one is you know, he’s cheating on me. My mind works in mysterious ways lol.

One of my friends once told me that she only talked to guys because they made her feel good. They gave her encouragement, or they were fun or just some kind of positive benefit. She said as soon as that stopped, she lost interest. As soon as they started to make her more unhappy than happy she got the hell out of there. I am like the opposite of that, I hold on to relationships, even when I see the Iceberg coming. I try to make everything work. I’m the girl who had a fling with Booty Call for like year, thinking eventually things would change. It’s been a year and literally nothing has changed. He looked me in the eye once and told me that he doesn’t want the things that I want and I still stuck around.  When I told him I was going to officially start dating someone else all he said was “Ummmm Alright” which basically sums up our relationship.

For Picky Eater, I am literally walking on egg shells. I don’t want to fall for him because he already has these bad habits and I’m going to be constantly wondering where he is or what he’s doing. This really sucks because I already really like him.  Sometimes I feel like I am asking too much because so far no guy that I have dated is able to successfully communicate with me. Like this is the beginning of our relationship, at least make me trust you and think you care about me.

My thought is, if you really cared I wouldn’t even have to tell you to do this stuff. You’d just want to do it. Am I right, or am I right?

Golden Rule: Once they stop making you happy, get out of there.

Tips for dudes: Don’t disappear on us, it dilutes our trust for you.

Picky Eater

So ladies I went on my first Tinder date and I am just here to report that it was a success. The first non-creep I have been on a date with in a long time. Let’s just start off with exclaiming how cute he is; like he was cute on the site but even more adorable in real life. I know, I know! It’s usually the opposite right? I lucked out with this one.   It’s usually a cute 20 something dude on the site but then a non-well-groomed 40 something dude that shows up to the date. No that never happened to you before? Oh okay then me either. Let’s just move on.

We went out for some dinner at a local sports bar. Nothing too fancy, I am trying to keep it super chill. As you know, I am looking for true love and would usually have our children named by dessert. But not this time, you guys would have been so proud of me. (I still have two of our children secretly named).  Let’s call him Picky Eater because that’s what he is. To be fair he is on a major health kick which I thought would be a problem for me. My favorite meal in the world is bacon covered with bacon bits, so yeah the opposite of a healthy eater. I am currently in the process of working on that though. Anyway he ordered a salad with dressing on the side. Like way to make me feel fat lol. Just kidding, I respected his dedication to his diet as I ordered crispy delicious Calamari.

He also hates seafood…. I know what a weirdo. Also kidding, I adore him lol.

We talked and laughed and vibed. At the end of the night we talked a bit more in his car. So as you all know from my plethora of dating mistakes. When I go into cars with guys, I never leave the same if you know what I mean. (wink, wink) But not this time. We actually just talked and he never once tried to make a move. This drove me crazy of course because he was so cute. By the end of the night I realized I would have to make the first move.

So me being the elegant enchantress I am leaned over before we said goodbye and kissed him. It was magical. He wasn’t over bearing or held back, it was the perfect kiss. It was so perfect that I drove home in a daze. I probably should have Ubered. Oh did I mention he walked me to my car and opened my door. I know right?! I met this guy on Tinder.

Sounds too good to be true? Well there is a slight caveat. How do I say this?… I guess I will just say it. He has hook for arms. Nah just kidding. He has children.  Yes he is a father and no he isn’t a hundred years old. He is pretty young. He has two children that he adores and they are quite adorable. And yes he told me this before we went on our date. He was just so nice and polite that it simply didn’t matter.

What do you guys think? Am I making a good decision here?

Let’s keep in mind; it’s only been one date. I am just going with the flow with this one.

Golden Rule: On a first date wear something slutty enough so that you don’t have to make the first move. I wore a backless romper but it didn’t do the trick.

Tips for guys: I actually have none, I found a guy that made me believe that decent guys aren’t extinct or kidnapped by aliens.