Tag Archives: girlfriend

Friends With Boyfriends

Posted on by

So, I’m not trying to throw shade at all with this one.  My friends know I am so happy for them and their significant others. I mean I love when my friends are happy and getting laid on the regular. That’s quite important. Where my friends with boyfriends become a problem is when we all decide to go out for dinner, as a huge group with everyone.  It’s like the whole Grease gang gets together, Sandy, Danny, Rizzo, Kenickie,Frenchie, Putzie that other weird girl and then that one nerd who can’t get a date. That’s meeeee.  So obviously I can bring a random, but I don’t want my date and I to be on a lower level in terms of intimacy.

Like all my friends are all comfortably loved up with their BF’s you know.

I just have to remind myself that I am an adult, university educated woman who can handle being a 7th wheel.  The part that sucks is like when the server comes over and their not really paying attention as to who is obviously coupled up and who isn’t. So they innocently ask…. Are the bills together or separate? And so of course all your friends’ boyfriends with their manly voices speak up and say “I’m paying for her”. So then the waiter looks down the line………… and then there was one. I’ve got to get that debit machine and pay for my own food while all my girlfriends get a free meal and some action at the end of the night. The most action I’ll be getting is maybe a little flirtation from the server. Please let it be a guy preferably 6’0, please let him be cute.

Whatever, I’ll get over it and I absolutely can’t skip this dinner.  This is just another reason why Being Single is Hard!

So remember how I said I was going to be on a ton of hot dates. Well this is as hot as its getting this summer. Please see photographic evidence below of my pathetic dating app life.

ilikehey,hey,heyDDD

Golden Rule: Try to get a boyfriend when all your friends do… timing is everything.

Tips For Guys: Behave yourselves so that I can make you my boyfriend and go out for huge group  dates. I also want to be the coolest couple there so we’ve got work to do.

How to get your Mo-Jo Back

Posted on by

Hey Guys! Happy summer! Yes its summer time. Time for hot hookups and meaningless flings. Time to put those booties on display in the shortest short shorts you can find. Am I doing that though? Nope, I am still sniffling and still a bit Effed up from recent events. (See my blog “Insincere”). My summer clothes and but cheeks are super mad at me.  However guys, my Mo-Jo is coming back and I am slowly emerging from my pity party. I am back to my online dating ways and it is fun. It is uplifting. One guy

 

sang to me… yes sang!

Here I was thinking I wasn’t attractive and then a guy took one glance at my moderately slutty pictures on a dating app and literally sang. I think that maybe made my life, as I have never been serenaded before. Too bad he isn’t interesting at all and is as engaging as a turtle slowing making its way back to the ocean. Man I wish he was the one… I mean he sang! Please see photographic evidence below. Like who knew you could even leave voice notes?

singtome

Anyways, I just wanted to lay out some tips on how to get your Mo-Jo back after being emotionally demolished.

  1. Quit him Cold Turkey – Seriously avoid him and all things him. I got him off my Facebook and I avoid him like the plague on my dating app. Yes he is still on there, openly courting while I freak every time I see his profile, but let’s focus here. You will have slip ups but just remind yourself that this guy doesn’t want you and cringes at the memory of your face. (that usually works for me) Poof the urge to text him magically disappears.
  2. Go out with friends – Rekindle your friendships; go out and have a good time. You can laugh and forget about him for a few moments. You might even catch the attention of another guy.
  3. Talk to other guys – No it’s not too soon. You will figure out that there are plenty of hotter, nicer guys out there who can probably please you sexually too. I’m not going to push it because Booty Call was pretty good in the sex department; but I think meeting a gentleman who actually cares about you, may make the sex more intimate and in the end….. better, way better.

That’s all I got for now because I am still hurting but I will keep you posted on any fun dates I go on. My summer of hot dates are about to begin. Yay!

Golden Rule: You can get your Mo-Jo back, I promise!

Tips for Guys:  When a girl is in booty shorts try to look at her face too. I know, its hard.

Insincere

Posted on by

In life there are two roads that you can take; Sincerity or Insincerity. Now I don’t know about you but I couldn’t help being my very sincere authentic self even if I tried. However there are people; and in this case gentlemen, who thrive on insincerity. Even when it is totally unnecessary. The reason I am blathering on and on about this, is because Mr. Booty Call ended our tryst. He claimed that throughout the entirety of our pseudo relationship he was not attracted to me.  I, as a sincere person was completely unaware that there was a way to have mind blowing sex, for months with a person and not even be attracted to them. That’s just me though, open hearted single girl who actually believes a guy when he says “Your ass is what every guy wants”.

As you all know, I have been going back and forth on whether to end it with Booty Call for a while now, as I knew it wouldn’t end well. This ending though I didn’t see coming. It was a particular strain of cruel that knocked my self-esteem right off its white horse.  I thought that he was the one guy who wouldn’t deliberately try to hurt me if he needed space or wanted to see someone else. I knew it would hurt when it came time to move on but I thought it would go something like this “Hey, so I think I wanna bang someone else.” To which I would say “okay” as we just had a sexual relationship.  What I didn’t expect was “I just don’t like banging you, and I never did. Thus everything I ever said to you was a lie”. He didn’t actually say that but I read between the lines.

I’m not going to be insincere and say that I wasn’t feeling more and that I didn’t want more because I did. Somewhere in my delusional mind I thought some of those feelings were being reciprocated. It seems that was not the case.

This one hit me harder than the death of Jack in the Titanic and that says a lot. Like Rose, you seriously can’t scoot over a bit and let jack float some on the door. Regardless of my issues with how Rose handled that situation, when booty call said he was never attracted to me from the start; I felt like my heart smashed into a giant iceberg. He told me that he was sorry that it took him until last weekend to make him tell me this. That statement was like a knife. All I could picture was him cringing every time I asked to hang out but still said yes anyway. I’ll take him at his word and believe him that he thought I was gross throughout the several months we banged. I’m sorry he had to suffer through that.

Life will go on and I will date another, hopefully someone who appreciates me for what and who I am; but for now I’m pretty crushed. Like random panic attacks crushed. In the mean time he is probably already a week into another awesome relationship, hopefully with a girl he finds attractive this time.

The very hardest part about being single is the absolutely unkind things guys say to you. They just have no idea how much their words hurt. Their words leave a mark.

But of course the question on everyone’s mind is “what about the nudes?!”. So he said he deleted them but he is the only one who knows if that’s true. Considering he thought I was the grossest girl he ever laid eyes on, it shouldn’t be too hard to Bin them.

Hang in there; I’ve got all summer to make you laugh. I have got to share my pain with you guys too, it’s how I work through it.

Golden Rule: Check to make sure a guy is attracted to you first before initiating “friends with benefits” relationship. I never thought I would have to check for that, it seems we have a new problem.

Tips for Guys: Don’t have sex with girls you aren’t attracted to and then wait months and months to tell them. It’s just cruel.

Ghosts of Ex-Boyfriends Past Pt.2

Posted on by

Hunting Cap has made his second and final cameo in my life. This happened a few weeks ago but it just sunk in enough for me to write about it. Kind of like when they cancelled One Tree Hill the first time and those of you who remember that show are aware that that was a tough time for us teens. Anyway the point was that this situation weighed pretty heavy on me.

So I got an anonymous text from an unknown number and the person said “Hello Tanya”. I thought this was it; this was the beginning of my own Scream movie. I was about to be Neve Campbell as she ran and clumsily stumbled to her death. I thought the next line was going to be “What’s your favorite scary movie?” But it was nothing as exciting as this. It was literally just Hunting Cap trying to wiggle himself back into my life.

So even though dating hunting cap was the worst experience of my life. When he messaged me I still thought, “Maybe he still likes me?”.  Somewhere deep inside I still had a little bit of a soft spot for hunting cap. After this current encounter however there is no more soft spot.  I never mentioned this before but in my day job…no I’m not a super hero…..even though I see how you may guess that. Anyway in my day job, I work in a field that is associated to Hunting Caps field and after a long like two day conversation he told me that he was messaging me for a job. He WAS ASKING ME FOR A JOB! I don’t mean to yell but seriously, how dare he?

This dude blocked me on Instagram and FB. He made me feel crazy for trying to still be friends with him. After our break up, I was still maybe hoping it would work but he made sure to eliminate any hope I had.  I literally told him “You can block me on Insta and FB and treat me like crap… and then ask me for a job?” Then I blocked him and that was that. Then I cried because I am a softeeeee, but I am toughening up now…. Right? I actually cried because I started questioning our entire relationship after seeing what he was capable of.

Golden Rule: Block me on all social media when we break up? Don’t ask me for a job or anything for that fact.

Tips for Guys: As If!

Ghosts of Ex-Boyfriends Past

Posted on by

So hunting cap made a slight re-visitation to my life and it was not a welcomed one! He re-added me on snap chat with a different username. So of course I wanted to know who the heck was adding me. I asked if it was indeed “hunting cap”.  He confirmed. I then asked if he was finished school, as he was finishing up a course while we were dating. He didn’t answer my question; instead he asked me if I missed him. I’m obviously a softee which you guys all know by now. I answered with a cool “Yeah I miss you a bit”. Expecting a “Yeah I miss you too” or “Yeah maybe we can catch up” or “I miss you so much please marry me and I will never buy you a hunting cap again”. Nope, I got none of those.

I got “Sorry, I’m seeing someone.” It felt like he slapped me across the face so hard that I had to spit out my wine. (because I only drink wine, duh.)

So like, why ask me if I missed you in the first place? This was to deliberately hurt me. Like is this guy even human? I thought I was over him and his lame gifting ass, but apparently I wasn’t as he still had the power to hurt me.

I hastily deleted and blocked him from my snap chat and can happily say that the “Hunting Cap” saga of my life is now done. Hooray! Anyone want to buy a hunting cap? Let me know in the comments. I might as well benefit financially from his stupidity.

Like what did I ever do to this guy other than buy him cheesecake? (Please see “And His Name Was Hunting Cap” to understand this reference.)

Golden Rule: Never give shitty ex’s a second chance.

Tips for Guys: Don’t try to hurt girls that go out of their way to buy you cheesecake. It’s just not cool bro.

Threesome?

Posted on by

No I didn’t have a threesome you perverts, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t asked. Which is flattering but also a bit creepy considering all I said was “Hey!”  After my rough go of online dating you must be wondering….. “Why is she trying again?” The answer is, because I am crazy. Alright now that we are passed that, let’s tackle this cumbersome threesome issue.  (Saw what I did there?) When a guy asks you if you would ever have a threesome… what should your response be?  I have a friend that was asked, by her boyfriend at the time. He asked, “Would you have a threesome?” To which she replied “Sure!” Then she added “You, me and another guy right?”.  The topic of a threesome was never  discussed again. So that’s a good way to handle it.

The way that I handle it is that I block the person on the dating site and never speak to them again. The thing is though; guys really do ask this question a lot. My theory is, if I’m really your favorite girl…. Why would you want to share me? Like I have a favorite pair of shoes and there is no way I am lending that out, not even for one night. Not even if I was going to be in the same place with the person who was wearing it for the whole duration of them wearing it. It’s just not happening. Now I am just angry about someone wearing my favorite pair of shoes but I digress.

I am an uber jealous person so the idea of a threesome just doesn’t work for me. Guys think of it as a fantasy, but would they really want to try it with the woman that they intend to commit to? If a guy brings that up with you… is he really serious about you or your relationship? Ladies! Let me know.

Golden Rule: Never lend out your favorite pair of shoes.

Tips for guys: If you aren’t cool with a two guys, one girl threesome scenario then don’t even bother asking about it. If you are cool with it, we need to have a whole other discussion.

threesome2

The Art of Ghosting

Posted on by

Ghosting is a tricky beast. When should I ghost? Who should I ghost? The answer is never and no one. The real question is “what would it feel like if I were ghosted?”. Needless to say through my horrific online dating experiences I have been ghosted multiple times. I try my best not to ghost people because I don’t think it’s fair. This person actually liked you enough to speak with you, so unless this person is giving off a serious Freddy Cougar vibe please politely decline. The worst type of ghosting is when you have been actively texting a guy for maybe two full days and out of nowhere he unfriends you on Facebook and never replies to your messages.  Its like “what the heck did I do? I just asked what you were having for dinner.”

If you are online dating and you say you have not been ghosted or have not been the “ghostee” (new word, patent pending), you are totally lying. Even I, the self-righteous blogger have ghosted. But only when things have gotten really weird. I try not to ghost until it’s absolutely necessary. Cases such as these:

Comelivewithme2

maniac2

Third Person2

 

Golden Rule: Ghosting is bad until absolutely necessary.

Tips for Guys: Stop being weird, sheesh!

The Notebook Theory

Posted on by

So my biggest fear in life is being the widow from the Notebook. You know the one… the lady that is sleeping with Noah while he isn’t with Allie. I believe her name was Martha Shaw.  What if everyone else’s life including my ex boyfriends is their own personal version of the notebook. Ever feel like everyone out there is finding their true love while you are stuck being Martha Shaw? The widow that was the dinner making, sex having pit stop for Noah until Allie came back. So this is a pretty dark theory based on some personal issues (see previous post “Sweet Nothings”).

For some reason I think that I met and lost something special because my ex, (let’s call him “Noah”) is off being in-love with someone else and its posted all over social media. Sure it’s up to me not to go clicking but who can really resist. I need to see their life and if they are happy even though it tortures me. Has anyone ever been through this?

I mean where are the nice guys? Who actually mean it when they say they want a relationship? Are we meeting the nice guys too late and they have already fallen in love with someone else? I leave you with a sweet yet a little creepy message I received on my dating App. If only this guy was normal. See message below.

Golden Rule: Trying to figure out your love life may lead to some weird theories.

Tips for Guys: Please, Please! If you are in love with someone else, don’t go on a dating site claiming that you are looking for a relationship.

Niceguypic

And His Name Was “Hunting Cap”

Posted on by

Hello Ladies! I’m sorry I left you for a bit again. I was once again trying out a relationship which was empty and void as most are. This time I was skeptical thanks to my previous bout with “almost love”.  I was suspicious the entire time. Within two weeks of talking to this guy he asked me to be his GF. No idea why that fast but I wasn’t really in a position to say no (as I desperately wanted to be someone’s GF). I was eager to jump into something else because my ex told me he found his soulmate and had to leave me. I was adamant at showing him that I could find my soul mate too. Evidently I can’t as I am the author of a singles blog lol.

So it was a whirl wind, we dated for about a month. (This is my new record lol) In the beginning it was all texts all the time. He was there for me through a bit of a tough time in my life. (let’s just say 2017 hasn’t been a cake walk.)  I knew deep down this guy wasn’t the one, but I thought “there is no reason he couldn’t be Mr. Right Now”. I desperately wanted to give this guy a chance. After about 2 weeks the text messaging got really light. Maybe like 1 a day. (much like the ladies vitamin which I seriously recommend. Especially the gummies but I digress.) So this guy or shall we call him “Hunting Cap” was in school and also worked very odd hours which I was very much aware of when I entered the relationship. However he assured me more than once that he would make time to see me and hang out with me.  When the texts started getting light I tried to break it off, as I felt myself having anxiety constantly waiting for a text from my so called “Boyfriend”. When I tried to break it off, he literally begged me not to. He said he could make this work and that he didn’t want to just give up. So he got a second chance.

I don’t want to drag this on but this story ends with him ignoring me on a day when I planned to celebrate his upcoming birthday. I bought cheesecake for him (I strongly dislike cheesecake), I got his favorite beer and was fully ready to order takeout. Invited him over to my house to have a special pre-birthday hang out, I thought I was being nice. Apparently this sounded like a day in a hell dimension to “Hunting Cap”.  He didn’t text me for like a full maybe 24-36 hours. While I text him like 100 times asking where he was?….what he was doing?…was he still coming? I was met with radio silence. I finally indicated through text that we were over and that I couldn’t carry on in a relationship like this. The following day he simply explained that he left his phone at his friend’s house. HIS FRIEND’S HOUSE! Sorry for yelling but is that not just the lamest excuse in the book.  Then he stated that he didn’t have time for me and that I should go find myself someone who had time for me (slap in the face much?). That was the end of that. So 2/2 relationships tried ended in disaster.  I am currently on a dating hiatus…. I call it Man free March. My idea of man free though does not discount my occasional tryst which just keeps all my needs met if you know what I am saying (wink, wink.)  Don’t worry I am not keeping secrets, there will be an impending blog post coming up with the details.

So why do we call him hunting cap you ask? That’s what he got me for my birthday. A hunting cap… A HUNTING CAP! There has been a lot of yelling in this post and I do apologize. I repetitively told him that I would never go hunting with him as that was his thing. But what does he get his ultra girly girlfriend for her birthday. A hunting cap. Not a bath bomb from Lush, which should be every guy’s go to…. But a hunting cap. Okay rant over. Picture of hunting cap below, please let me know if anyone would like to take it off my hands.

Golden Rule:  Try not to date a guy who has too much on his plate, as it makes for a lot of anxiety on your end.

Tips For Guys: Never buy a girl a hunting cap for any occasion, not even if she is actually going hunting with you. If Kate Spade starts a line of hunting caps this tip may be altered.

hunting cap